Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

How do I deal with this person?

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This topic contains 29 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by avatar Stillrunning 1 week ago.

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  • #676818 Reply
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    RedRoverRedRover

    I don’t even know what to do. Here’s what happened. With my first kid, the daycare waitlist was so long that I couldn’t get him into daycare in time to go back to work. I ended up having to take another 4 months of unpaid leave to stay home with him until a spot was available. This time, I can’t do that because I got a new manager while on leave, he’s American and male, and I feel like it’s already a bad first impression to be on a year-long maternity leave, let alone ask for more months off. Plus since I don’t know him, it’s a much tougher ask than from someone I have a relationship with. I might have asked my previous manager, but not a brand-new one who I’ve never even spoken to.

    So anyway, I’ve been stressed about this, so I talked to the administrator at my son’s daycare about how I needed a spot for my daughter, and how I could guarantee that I got one. I’m at the top of the waitlist because siblings of children already in the daycare get priority. There are only 8 infant spots though so they’re hard to get. Whatever, the upshot is that she told me that if I signed up to a part-time spot starting in February, then she’d guarantee a full-time spot in May when I go back to work. This is thousands of extra dollars, and I haven’t even been using the spot because I feel like my daughter’s still too young to go, but I agreed to pay for the spot to hold it. Well, the administrator called me two nights ago and told me she didn’t have a spot for me in May. There was an April one, which she offered me, and I asked her if I needed to take it to guarantee getting a May one. She said no, I’ll get one in May. Then I didn’t.

    Needless to say I’m absolutely furious. This is exactly what I was trying to avoid. Now I’m in a lurch for childcare. Waitlists are like a year long here, I can’t get into another daycare. So I’ve paid my thousands of dollars for daycare I didn’t use and didn’t even get a spot at the end of it. She could have told me I needed to take the April one! I would have taken it! And now she gave it to someone else. I told her to take it away from them and give it back to me, she refused. We went to her supervisor who also said they can’t do that. They’re going to the directors to see if they can refund me the cost of the part-time spot I wasn’t using, at least. But that’s the most they’re gonna do.

    So now I’m stuck in this damn daycare. Because even if we could find a spot somewhere else for my son, he’s going to school in September and I don’t want to move him now and then move him again in September. He’s already scared of starting at a new school and that would just make it worse. And I can’t find a spot anywhere else for my daughter at all. Even if I got one in say, 6 months, I don’t want her to get used to this daycare and then move her again a few months later. Maybe I can move her in November when she’ll have to switch from Infant to Toddler anyway.

    So I’m stuck till November. And now I have to see this woman every day, the one who fucked me over. I’m so angry at her. I still don’t know how we’re going to handle my daughter when I go back to work. We’ll have to find a nanny or something, that’s really the only option. And it’s going to be much more expensive than daycare too. I don’t even want to ever talk to this supervisor again. But I have to. What kind of attitude should I take with her? I don’t worry that I’ll lash out, that’s not me, but I don’t want to be friendly at all, but then again I need to at least be cordial because I need to deal with her about my kids. They’re my priority. Maybe I can just keep it completely businesslike. Which sucks because we were quite friendly before. I can’t go back to that though, I’m so unbelievably angry at her. And now I’ll probably have to switch daycares, put my daughter through that, go to one further from our house and less convenient, and it’ll be unknown unlike this one where I know the quality of care. Because I can’t imagine dealing with her for 3.5 more years until my daughter starts school.

    #676819 Reply
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    RedRoverRedRover

    Sorry for the long post bump.

    #676821 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Did she tell you in writing that you were guaranteed a spot in May? Was all the communication verbal?

    #676822 Reply
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    RedRoverRedRover

    It was verbal. I know, my mistake, but everything at this place is verbal including my son’s start date way back when, his switching from one location to the other, my daughter’s February start date, etc. From now on you can bet your ass I’ll insist on it all being documented. But right now it runs like a little family business and it’s pretty casual. Sure bit me in the ass. 🙁

    #676823 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    So, ok, that does suck.

    I would sit her down and get it out. Recap what happened, exactly what kind of a bind it puts you in, and that you’re incredibly disappointed with how this was handled. Get it out, say it to her face. Write a script and practice it first if you have to.

    And then she’ll know exactly how you feel and you can move on and just have a professional interaction with her, when necessary, while your son is still there.

    What the hell is their explanation anyway? You were at the top of the list.

    #676824 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    The subtext of the conversation is, “you’re a stupid, unprofessional bitch who grossly inconvenienced a client and lost 3.5 years of her business. Have a nice day.”

    #676830 Reply
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    RedRoverRedRover

    I already did say that to her over the phone, when she called to tell me I didn’t have the spot. I was like, the only reason I started paying in advance was to get that spot. You knew that. You promised me the spot. You screwed up. Now you have my money and I don’t have my spot. And now I’m the one who doesn’t have childcare. So she knows exactly how I feel. I also forced a lot of awkward silences on that call. Like I said my piece, then she apologized and stopped talking, and I just sat there silently. I didn’t let her out of it or say it’s ok. It’s extremely clear to her that it’s her fault and that I know it and that I’m furious.

    The thing about the priority list is that it’s not really that helpful. They want to fill spots. When the spot came up in April, they wanted it filled. They did offer it to me first. But then when I didn’t take it, they gave it to someone else. And there was no additional spot free in May to give to me. That’s the process, and that’s all fine. The problem is that I specifically asked if I needed to take that spot if I wanted to have coverage for May. She said no when the answer was yes. I should have taken it. I only didn’t because she said I didn’t need to. It would have cost an extra thousand bucks, so I was like, well if I don’t need to then I won’t.

    They have no explanation. She screwed up, it’s clear. Her supervisor believes our version of events, because there’s no other way to make sense of why I was even paying for a spot I wasn’t using. I’m sure she caught a load of shit for it. But that doesn’t help me.

    I guess all I can do is just keep it 100% businesslike now. I’m going to ask her to document my daughter’s start date which is now July. I want it in writing and I want it guaranteed. And I’ll say it very pointedly, with a subtext of “I obviously can’t believe a damn word you say”. Other than that I’ll just say hello with no smile if she says hello, and otherwise completely avoid talking to her unless it’s necessary for scheduling etc. And if she apologizes I’ll just say “unless your apology can change something, I’m not interested”. Because I’m not. She’s sorry, great. I don’t accept her apology.

    #676831 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Yeah… ugh, it sounds like that’s all you can really do. If there’s nothing new to say in a face to face with her, to make it crystal clear… because she deserves that.

    #676832 Reply
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    RedRoverRedRover

    Yep. If she starts up with the apologies I’ll be brusque with her. She should be sorry. And I will refuse to accept it.

    We better get some of our money back. We’ll find out Monday. If we don’t I’ll be even angrier.

    #676833 Reply
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    RedRoverRedRover

    I just hate socially awkward situations. And now this daycare, which I loved, is ruined for me. Even if I decide to keep my daughter there, it’ll always be a negative place for me. And I might keep her there, if they refund us, because there’s nothing else so close to our house. It’ll be so inconvenient to go somewhere else, and why should I have to further inconvenience myself when they’re the ones who screwed up, you know? Plus it’s such a great daycare, kid-wise. I love their approach. We’ll see I guess.

    #676836 Reply
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    Fyodor

    I wouldn’t have a another conversation where you tell her how she screwed up. It won’t do anything for you and can only make things worse.

    Just be as polite as you can muster. Don’t get into the issue with her again. If she apologizes thank her for her concern. She can always make things worse. She can decide to take away your kid’s November spot as punishment for making her feel bad.

    You’re powerless in this situation until you have secure alternative care and you need to navigate the situation like a powerless person.

    #676837 Reply
    FireStar
    Firestar

    The fuck. Unbelievable. That’s ridiculously frustrating. Absolutely get your money back from them. I’m in your city. I think a nanny is your best bet. The amount you spend for two kids in day care/after care is crazy… a lot of my friends have found it cheaper to have a nanny. The nannies take them to early learning centers for the socialization. Have you seriously looked into private care? I can ask my friends where they found theirs if you need resources. As for how you handle her… Coldly. She isn’t the one looking after your kid?She’s the director or assistant? So screw her. She knows how crazy day care is here. She knows she screwed you. I had friends tell me to go on wait lists when I was pregnant. Insane. I’m lucky to have my mom live with me and the ability to work from home 2/3 days a week. I just have my daughter in a couple of mornings a week to prep her for school. But honestly I hate it because they make her sick All. The. Time. Let me know if you need me to ask around for you for a nanny.

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