Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

I know he is

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This topic contains 69 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by avatar carolann 6 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #665622 Reply

    So, I will try to not make this so long, please read this I really need help.
    My ex boyfriend and I have been talking and seeing each other working on getting back together. He said he wanted to take things slow and see. Last I saw him he kissed me and told me hes missed me and such and wanted to set something up for the next weekend. Then I didn’t hear from him at all for a couple days. I didn’t message him because I was always the one to initiate the conversation and was waiting for him to. He didn’t, so after a couple of days I texted him. I confronted him about how I haven’t heard from him and asked when we would see each other again.

    He told me he was busy all weekend-the weekend he said that we were supposed to get together. I was so mad and red flags came flying. I asked him if he was seeing someone else, he said no. I asked if he would meet up with me after work to talk he said no he was working late.

    So me feeling suspicious I just drove by his apartment to see if his car was there since I had a feeling in my gut he was lying. His car was there. He lied. He wasn’t at work still. I tried texting and calling him he would not answer, then I saw him walk out of his apartment with another girl.

    Yup, I was the crazy person and got out of my car and confronted them. I called him out on his lies, I asked the girl if she was dating him. She said yes. I said I just saw you a few days ago and you told me you loved me and missed me. The girl didn’t say anything else, and he never said a word, they just went into his car and drove off.

    Then he blocked my phone number. I ended up emailing him, even though I know did me wrong I just needed and explaination, a reason. My friends told me to just forget him but I was so hurt I needed something from him. He ended up emailing me back and met up with me.

    He told me that he wasn’t dating the girl, that she was a co-worker she just came over to do work. He admitted he lied to me about being at work still and said he was sorry but he knew I would be upset if I knew she was coming over. I said..she told me she was dating you when I asked. He just made up some story that she said that just to make me mad. I know he is lying to me, I know it in my heart.

    I know he is lying to me, I told him that it is very hard to believe him. He told me he understood my feelings but he still denies everything. The past couple days since it has happened I just have been pretending to believe him. In my heart I know that he is seeing her still and dating her and treating me like a side chick, but it is so hard for me to let him know as I know I should.

    I have been obsessing over him now, always wanting to see him and being worried. When I am not talking to him or seeing him I am just living in anxiety knowing that he is with her. I know I can’t live like this. I know if he really loves me he would be the one chasing after me, not the other way around.

    I know the right thing to do is let go of him, but why am I having such a hard time?

    #665624 Reply

    Sweetie, MOA

    #665625 Reply

    You know your ex is a liar. You are driving yourself mad waiting for him to shape up and treat you better and it’s never. going. to happen. If you’re filled with anxiety and all your thoughts are revolving around him there is something else driving your feelings because trust me–he isn’t that fucking special. Two timing liars ain’t hard to find. I’ve been there and had similar bouts of insanity myself–and it really, really isn’t about him. I think you should find a therapist and cut off all contact with this guy. He isn’t worth any of this but getting to the bottom of why you would cling to someone who treats you like shit IS.

    #665627 Reply

    I’m not sure if your question is actually why you’re feeling upset or what you should do. It’s always painful to give up someone you care about or to find out they were dishonest with you. Over time, you’ll get over him. Don’t reach out to him. Don’t go looking for him. If you find yourself sitting and thinking about him for long stretches, get up and do something else. He’s not coming back, and even if he did, it’s clear that he can’t be trusted.

    #665628 Reply

    He lies to you because it serves his purpose and because he realizes that’s what you want. You think you don’t want that, but you do. You know for a fact that he has lied to you repeatedly. You state, with excellent evidence, that he is dating this other woman and sees you as a side piece or a woman in reserve. Yet you continue to remain obsessed with this guy and are unable to move on. I think you see the lying as some sort of sick hope that he retains enough interest in you to bother to make up stories to try to keep you around, even though they are transparently false stories. Somehow, although these lies anger you, they also give you hope. You don’t want an explanation from him, you are still trying to get him back. That’s why he agreed to meet with you. He realized that your desperation exceeds your anger and that he has a very real chance to string you along as an occasional booty call.

    What reason would a co-worker have to lie and say she was dating the guy? I know this is embarrassing for you. You’ve met the other girl and convinced her that you are pathetic. Regain your self-respect and have no further contact with this guy.

    #665629 Reply

    I forgot to mention that he still wants to see me, and take things slow. I know it’s because he is seeing her still and I am the side chick. I know I need to just kick him to the curb, but I allow him to lie to me because I don’t want to lose him for some reason. However I know if I continue to see him I won’t feel any better, it just feels worse knowing that he is lying to me seeing someone else. So in my heart I want him to just be with me and prove to me he is not with her but that will never happen and the right thing to do is leave him for good but it is so hard.

    #665630 Reply

    I agree with Juliecatharine that I need to figure out why I am obsessing over this. I am a smart girl, I know its not okay to continue with him but for some reason it is so hard to control myself to want to be with him.

    And I agree with you totally Ron, I think he is just using me for a booty call. I have a feeling he is spending the holidays with her, that is why he said he can’t see me. He only sees me at his accord.

    #665631 Reply

    And the thing is, I know he must have lied to her about this whole situation. He must have told her I was some crazy ex that wanted him back and fed her a bunch of lies too and she probably believes it. Because there is no way to prove to her that he has been seeing me for so long. I don’t know how long he has been seeing her but this whole thing is making me sick. I need to just not let him think I am a fool anymore and forget him

    #665633 Reply

    “He must have told her I was some crazy ex that wanted him back”….well, you ARE. You’re his ex. He’s not dating you. You broke up. You want him back (why, we’ll never know, and even you don’t seem to know. Sounds like he’s a jerk who is willing to treat you like crap just for the hell of it, because he likes to know that you’re waiting around and pining for him.) But he’s not going to get back together with you. Really, what do you think is going to happen? He’s going to break up with his new girlfriend, declare his undying devotion to you, and you’ll get married, have babies, and never have any problems again? Pass peacefully together in your sleep at a ripe old age, holding hands? Honey, that is not happening with this guy. He’s not into you. He doesn’t treat you well. He lies. You are obsessing over him now because you know he’s dating someone else and not available, but believe me, he’s no prize.

    #665634 Reply

    Oh goodness.. so I read these letters and have a total “face palm” moment. But, I have had the anxious feeling – mine was thinking my ex had moved on immediately and I felt alone. It drove me crazy to feel that way.

    Here is what you do: Block/hide him from all social media, phone, email.

    Then (what I did): Signed up for an online dating service and made it a point to go on at least one date a week. Most were dud’s (but I went to some GREAT restaurants I had been wanting to try) but it kept me busy, and then kept me from thinking about me ex or who he “might be dating”. I would say after about a month I could have cared less what he was up to… and after about 6mo when he reached out to me, I had no interest in his antics. This was the END GOAL. You have to move on. Force yourself to do it now so you can break the cycle – that way if he slinks back in the future you aren’t vulnerable to his antics. I promise, once you move on you will realize it wasn’t the right relationship. But, if you don’t force yourself to start moving forward then you aren’t going to get out of this drama-anxiety ridden disaster.

    #665635 Reply

    I agree with you all, thank you for the advice it really is helping me.
    It is so hurtful because, yes I am the ex, he was still trying to work on our relationship with me for like the past month. So it’s not just me wanting him back, he made me feel like he wanted to be with me. But I realize I am just a booty call to him.
    I know if he really cared about me and loved me he wouldn’t lie, he would be trying to win me over and he isn’t. He is just telling me these lies, and since I have been pretending to believe him he thinks he can have his cake and eat it too.
    I know I deserve better

    #665640 Reply

    You know he’s lying to you. He’s lying right to your face. He’s not it even good at it!
    Please, for your own mental health, block him. He keeps you in the side because you let him. You are desperately obsessed with him, emphasis on desperate. I know that sounds harsh, but I’ve been there. I’ve beenbthat person. You don’t win, in this situation. If his new girlfriend catches a hint and breaks it off with him, he’s going to do the same thing to you agaian and again. P,ease move on and block him and stop all of this. It’s not a good look, honey.
    Good luck. Be good to yourself. You need space from this to appreciate how crazy it is.

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