Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

I need to get over him!

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice I need to get over him!

This topic contains 21 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by avatar Leslie Joan 1 month ago.

Viewing 10 posts - 13 through 22 (of 22 total)
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  • #682987 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    Yes to what everyone else has said about time, therapy, and spending time focusing on you/doing things you enjoy. A couple years ago, when I was really struggling to get over someone who had cheated on me and then married that woman, I took up running. I can’t say enough how much it helped not just to exercise, but to have a goal-oriented physical challenge. It was an activity that took up the mental energy that was easy to waste on things like feeling sorry for myself or letting my mind falling too far down the “wtf did I do to be treated this way?” hole. I’d set bigger and bigger goals for myself, and within a few months, had signed up for my first half marathon. I couldn’t run to save my life when I first started out — literally would’ve died if I’d had to run for my life, haha — but it turned out to be something I really enjoy. It made me feel accomplished, and gave me confidence when I had very little. I think most people dealing with a breakup would benefit from an activity that does this for them, so I’d encourage you to find your version of running, whatever that is for you.

    #689826 Reply
    avatar
    Matheus

    Dear ErinEileen.
    I think that this is a normal problem in our lives. Your relatives death was the saddest thing that happens to you and it was just an unhappy coincidence, that this get you sadder than you were. I think you should see this break as an opportunity for a new love. You should see new people, download Tinder,it is an app to meet nice persons, it will be good to you.
    Hugs, Matheus

    #690787 Reply
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    ErinEileen

    So I’ve been doing well, I haven’t spoken to him or anything. I’ve been pretty good at avoiding him and his new girlfriend who is constantly posting and saying nasty things about me. I figured whatever. Well today is Father’s Day which means my ex isn’t home. Hes visiting his father who lives an hour away just like he does every year. I happen to be taking my son out to eat when I pull up to a light and happen to look in the car next to me. It’s my exes new girlfriend that he left me for and surprise surprise she’s in the car with some guy who isn’t my ex. When she notices me she puts her head down and floors it through the light. So my question is, knowing my ex still has negative feelings towards me, should I even bother giving him the heads up about what I saw or should I just let him figure it out on his own??

    #690790 Reply
    avatar
    Heather

    “Not my circus, not my monkey”. In other words don’t bother getting involved. Smile to yourself about this bit of knowledge but maintain no contact with ex or his girlfriend. Plus block her stuff too so you’ve got no idea what she’s saying about anybody.

    Well done for getting on with your life.

    #690815 Reply
    avatar
    golfer.gal

    Nooo do not touch this with a ten foot pole. Ignore and keep him out of your life, you’re doing great. The upside is if she’s got half a brain she’ll stop posting hateful stuff about you now. Which, also, you should block her on every platform and make sure you dont have to see that.

    #690826 Reply
    avatar
    dinoceros
    Member

    Don’t get involved. You’re framing this as telling him being the good thing and not telling him being the vengeful thing, but it’s the other way around. Telling your ex his gf is cheating on him (whether true or not) will look vengeful, and it’ll be involving him in your life again. Not to mention, if you don’t like her posting stuff about you now, imagine how much worse she’ll get if you tell on her.

    #690862 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    Mind your own business! Regardless of your motivations, you don’t know what your ex’s girlfriend is up to. That could’ve been her brother, cousin, co-worker, etc. with her, and you’ll come off looking vindictive (even if you aren’t). What’s more is that there’s a solid chance he won’t believe you, and if his girlfriend is as dramatic as she sounds, no good can come from meddling.

    And if she IS cheating? Well, I say let that explode in his face in due time. I can’t imagine dating someone who posts mean things about my ex. I still care about my exes in a detached way, even the ones with whom I parted on negative terms. It’s incredibly tacky and immature, and it’s be a huge turnoff. He deserves what’s coming to him, IMO.

    Keep focusing on you. You’ve done a great job with no contact, it sounds like, so keep on moving on.

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by Copa Copa.
    #690897 Reply
    avatar
    Leslie Joan

    I doubt that your ex has negative feelings about you. When people trash talk an ex that did nothing wrong, it’s saying a lot about themselves, and not about the ex. And what it’s saying about themselves is not good.

    He isn’t man enough to handle the issues you are going through and to be supportive, so he’s run away. He doesn’t want to tell the truth about how badly HE acted and what a failure as a partner he turns out to be, so he does the unmanly thing you’d expect, and trash talks you to the next woman. He doesn’t hate you – he’s just lying and keeping the attention away from his own crappy behavior instead of being honest, because the truth would make him look pretty bad.

    But you don’t want to be with such a colossal baby. You want, and deserve, to have a true partner who can be there in good times and bad. That’s not him.

    Please don’t concern yourself with everything he’s doing, what his new squeeze is or isn’t doing, saying, etc. That just keeps you tied to him in an unhealthy way. Block them both on social media. The more space you make for them in your head, the worse it’s going to feel and makes it harder to move on.

    Good luck!

    #690914 Reply
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    ErinEileen

    Thanks guys! I knew I should mind my own business. I guess I just needed reassurance that it was the right decision. Even though we ended badly I do care about his feelings. I know I should just let it go though. That being said, I have blocked her social media. I did that months ago. But she and I are old acquaintances and share many mutual friends. That’s how I know about the negative things being said. My ex swears he didn’t know we knew each other which I highly doubt. But I guess it’s not my problem anymore. Knowing her the way I do, and knowing that her marriage dissolved two years ago because she was caught cheating I don’t doubt what I saw. It isn’t my problem though and everyone is right. I need to back away and leave it alone. Thanks

    #691213 Reply
    avatar
    Leslie Joan

    🙂 Erin, it’s so easy to say, “ooh, but I still care,” or “I’m just such a nice person, I’ll just go and do xyz.” And it sounds good on the surface, but it’s a trap. It just keeps you swirling around in the same toxic stew as they are. The advantage of being broken up is that you don’t have to deal with this garbage any more! They are like scorpions in a bottle. Nasty, toxic, and let them hurt each other if they want to. Don’t reach in the bottle yourself. You’ll just get stung and will have nothing to show for it.

    Blocking both of them is fine. And if your mutual friends are becoming too much of a drag giving you the daily updates, just tell them you don’t want to hear it. Do something new and fun for YOU, because you are worth it. Hugs!

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