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Dear Wendy

I think my friend is cutting herself!!! What do i do???

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by avatar Ruby Thursday 1 week ago.

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  • #716798 Reply
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    Doesn’t know what to do teen!

    Dear Wendy,

    Here’s my whole complicated story. I have a friend who’s a transfer student from another high school. She developed a really good friend there. She was showing me pictures on her laptop during lunch and there was a few hundred photos of the and her friend. I asked why the heck there were so many photos of the same girl on there, and she said “because i was living at her house for a bit.” So i asked her why, and she said “Its complicated and messed up. It doesnt matter.” and put off the topic. I assumed it was just a hormonal teenage “My parents hate me” thing, but i made an alarming discovery on friday when we were boarding the school bus to go to school sport. I noticed a massive patch of super deep cuts on the outside of her upper thigh. I asked her why the heck she has all this cuts on her leg, and she hastily covered it, and then told me it was from the barbed wire fence that she jumps every day to get out of the school grounds at the end of the day and go home. On closer inspection of the ‘barbed wire fence’ i discovered there was no barbed wire. It was just a single plain piece of wire. Then i put together that the reason she didn’t get changed in the change rooms wasn’t because she’s new and shy (she’s actually a really loud person) but because she obvioussly didn’t want us to see the cuts. This made me ponder whether there were more cuts somewhere i did’t know about, and i’m generally concerned for her. if she is cutting herself, why? Does she have family problems? Is it because the boys at her new school (my school) are giving her a hard time? (even then the cuts were really deep and deep cuts take about 3-4 weeks to heal, she’s only been here 3 weeks, and yet again boarding the school sport bus i noticed the same cuts, and a few more than last time. I’m confused as to whether the cuts are just to look cool or as a way of expressing going on at home or something? I’m very confused and any advice you have will surely help me! Thank you very much,

    Worried For Wellbeing Teen xx

    #716799 Reply
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    Doesn’t know what to do teen!

    I might also add she is drowning in assignments and doesn’t really care and she’s always getting changed in the toilets instead of the change rooms with us girls. Its just occasional bras and undies, what could be the problem? I’m kinda suspicious…

    #716809 Reply
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    Sunshine Brite

    The cuts could be for many reasons, but nothing you should delve into yourself. Seeing the cuts is enough to know something’s going on. Find a trusted adult to take over this situation to get your friend the help she needs and you can focus on being a good friend. That adult should look at who might be helpful at getting mental health resources in your area.

    #716812 Reply
    rosie posie
    rosie posie
    Participant

    Sunshine Brite’s advice is good. This is something an adult should address. You won’t receive an explanation on why she is/was doing this, she may not even know. Someone very close to me has always struggled with depression. I found out that years ago that person was a “cutter”. My heart hurt for them, even years later. It hurt even more when I found out that friends and family members of this person knew what they were doing to themselves and did nothing to get the person some help. At least by getting a trusted adult involved (I would think someone at the school would have a duty of care) to make sure she gets the help she needs, you know that you have been a good friend. Good luck.

    #716814 Reply
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    Ruby Thursday

    I second the advice on finding a trusted adult to help navigate the situation. While not everyone who self-harms is actively suicidal, your friend is obviously in pain. Once you confide in an adult, be prepared for the possibility that your friend might lash out at you for getting others involved. She may be initially upset that you chose to share this with others because she can no longer control the situation. However, please know that whatever she may say, you are doing the right thing.

    I’ve been on both sides of your letter. I see a lot of my young self in the girl you describe. I know how upset I was when my sister told my parents about my depression. I also know how thankful I am now that my pain was no longer a secret. I also remember the pain and shock of my best friend losing her youngest brother to suicide. No one had any idea how badly he was hurting. It is not your responsibility to save your friend, but you can help her by telling an adult who can better manage the situation. Good luck.

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