Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

I want to be a better person for myself and stop cheating

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice I want to be a better person for myself and stop cheating

This topic contains 7 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by avatar Northern Star 5 months ago.

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  • #678427 Reply

    Before I start rambling I would like to thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this and it may seem like I am making excuses for my actions but I am not. Well here it goes.

    I am not happy and haven’t been since I was a little girl. I am now realizing that my past is affecting my present and if I don’t get it under control it will affect my future. When it came to men for some reason I always got the bad ones ex: controlling, verbally abusive, cheaters and liars. I did get a couple few good ones. The problem I have now is the men I dealt with doesn’t ask me out. Its one of those situations where I like you and you like me so we’re together. That really irritates me and in my opinion we aren’t technically together. Right now I don’t like myself. I don’t like the inside and the out. I’m trying to fix myself so I can be a better me. So I haven’t really healed from my last relationship and I tried to explain to him that I needed to work on myself but he started getting emotional and thought there was someone else so I decided to juggle both and work on myself and date him but I couldn’t so I put myself last. We both cheated on each other. Fast forward a month and I am in relationship now and I know I should be working on myself but sometimes I get lonely and would join a dating website. I don’t really know how to be alone. So my boyfriend didn’t ask me out but we are together. I cheated twice and he doesn’t know and I don’t plan on telling him because it would hurt him. I tried to break up with him so I can work on myself and I don’t want to hurt him anymore but he took it like my last ex. My boyfriend wants to get married on Tuesday as the court house and we haven’t known each other long and I know it’s stupid but I am really considering marrying him so I can help him and 2 the idea of having a husband and kids makes me happy. I just don’t know what to do. Maybe I can delete my dating sites and get married and be happy. I am not going to tell him. I am young and trying to figure out what to do. I am also now realizing now that I can’t find myself by laying in bed with another man and nor will he love me.

    #678432 Reply

    I read this three times and am still confused, for numerous reasons. No, don’t go marry whoever this is. I truly couldn’t even get a grasp after reading it three times. No no no. Here’s the reality though. You will marry this guy. You will marry him and have a baby as you said that is what you want. Then, shortly after, your life will fall apart. You sound young, which isn’t a negative thing, but means you shouldn’t marry anyone with youth and your combined state of mind.

    Let me make this easy. If you aren’t sure, don’t get married. If you are constantly cheating, don’t get married. If you are only marrying someone for ANY reason other than love, don’t get married. Relationships are the most difficult thing. Relationships that don’t work and include children are a billion times more difficult.

    You do not sound ready to be dating someone seriously let alone marrying them! You both are unfaithful. OY there are so many NO’s here. Break up with him and grow up.

    BUTTTT you likely will do it, if this is real. So I don’t know, just avoid getting pregnant.

    #678434 Reply

    Don’t get married. You aren’t ready to be in a relationship, let alone married to a man you haven’t known long, who doesn’t know YOU well, either.

    You need to be single and see a therapist to work on your issues instead of screwing people and screwing people over, repeatedly because you don’t know how to be alone with yourself and your thoughts.

    Don’t get married. Don’t get pregnant.

    #678453 Reply

    The reason you keep finding terrible men is because you hate yourself so you don’t think you deserve better. If you take time away from dating to see a therapist and develop some self esteem you’ll find that when you’re ready you’ll get a better man because you won’t tolerate the shit bags. Doesn’t that sound better than whatever you have going on right now? Don’t get married, the only relationship you should need to work on right now is the one with yourself.

    #678462 Reply

    Don’t marry him. If you’re not truly happy, then this happiness with him will wear off. Then you’ll be stuck in a marriage you don’t want to be in. You need to stop dating until you get a handle on this. You’re simultaneously trying to find people to make you happy (which another person can’t do) and trying to have bad experiences so that you can justify not being happy.

    #678468 Reply
    Leslie Joan

    You’re considering getting married to someone youve tried to break up with because you like the idea of a husband and kids, and you think you can help him? You can’t even stand up for yourself – marriage and a family is the last thing you need. What you need is some intensive therapy. This is a cry for help – please, I hope you get it. Relationships with men are no solution to the problems that are bothering you.

    #678701 Reply

    Tell him you cheated twice in the few weeks you’ve known each other and not officially been together. That’ll get rid of him and this silly marriage proposal idea.

    Delete your dating account. Make an appointment with a therapist. Don’t “get with” anyone for a while. The next person you date should respectfully ask you out on a date, and then take you on said planned date (Netflix and Chill does not count as a date).

    #678703 Reply
    Northern Star

    You can’t treat people like crap and expect them to be patient, kind, loving, etc. in return. How are you going to find a good partner if you are constantly cheating and lying to the people you’re screwing? Break up with this particular guy (he’s nuts to want to get married when he barely knows you, anyway—this relationship isn’t healthy for EITHER of you). Delete your dating accounts. Don’t have sex with anyone. Go to a therapist to figure out why you interact with people the way you do.

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