Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

I was the "Other Woman" – how do I apologize?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice I was the "Other Woman" – how do I apologize?

This topic contains 30 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by Skyblossom Skyblossom 4 days, 20 hours ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 31 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #734974 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    Like an I’m sorry card will make the pain go away and everything will be sunshine and roses.

    She doesn’t like you. She doesn’t trust you. She doesn’t want anything to do with you and you have to accept that. She may be glad that she dumped Marco because he deserved to be dumped but so did you. No friend would ever treat you that way. Sometimes your actions will change a person’s opinion about you and there is nothing you can do to change it to something better. You are Marco are the same.

    There is no magic, make it better card.

    #734975 Reply
    avatar
    ele4phant

    I mean, let’s think about why you want to do this.

    You feel awkward around her, and you want to not feel awkward. And maybe, rightfully, you feel guilty, and seeing her everyday and having her be frosty to you just keeps reminding you day in and day out of your past misbehavior.

    You want to not feel bad, you want her to give you permission to not feel bad.

    Apologizing is not really about her, it’s about you. Which is the wrong reason to apologize.

    Now, if she was like sabotaging your kid (who is entirely blameless here), then I think you have grounds to approach her here and see if you couldn’t work something out for the sake of the children.

    But it seems like she’s behaving herself around you, she’s not calling you a whore in front of other mothers, she’s generally leaving your kid alone (nobody has a god given right to be invited to a birthday party and it sounds like she’s not trying to poison her kid from playing and being friendly with your kid). You are uncomfortable. That’s just your cross to bear here. You will just have to continue to feel some awkwardness and discomfort.

    Maybe with time, things will thaw as she sees that you are a responsible mature mother. Or not, maybe she will continue to ignore you and that’s okay.

    #734977 Reply
    avatar
    MissD
    Participant

    And in the grand scheme of things, you’ve got 6 more months left in the school year. Your kids probably won’t be in the same class next year. So whatever. I’m sure you can deal with ignoring each other for 6 more months.

    #734993 Reply
    avatar
    Ruby Tuesday

    Papyrus has a lovely selection of cards perfect for any occasion. I’m sure they have one you can use.

    #735000 Reply
    avatar
    anonymousse
    Member

    LOL, you don’t need to feel guilty because her life is good now?
    That’s not how that works.

    If you were the one who has told the other moms about this “history” trust me when I say this only reflects badly on you, not her.

    Stop harassing her and own up to your errors “I was in an abusive relationship before” is not an acceptable reason for your terrible behavior. Ten to one, all those moms you’ve told, they don’t trust you either.

    Be a better role model for your children.

    #735045 Reply
    avatar
    Autumnrose
    Member

    I’m agreeing with everyone on here. LW, you don’t get what you done was wrong. You think you do but you don’t. She doesn’t want to get to know you and doesn’t want her child to know your daughter because of YOU for the simple fact that she does not want you near her husband. The fact that other moms know this about you two makes me want to know why and who told. I think you told the other moms and you say now the other moms are raising an eye brow. Well yea they are and its because you put them in an awkward position of “choosing” friendships. If you haven’t learned other women will say whatever to appease the other women but a true friend will say that was shitty and you need to move on. Don’t have other women talk ugly about her because she has a valid reason to dislike you and have nothing to do with you. As Elsa said, let it go!

    #735494 Reply
    avatar
    CET

    I’m sorry LW…but she doesn’t owe you kindness and forgiveness…she doesn’t owe it to you to get over it. You treated her like crap. You broke up her relationship. You need to let this go and stop trying to get her to mend bridges. You reap what you sow. Yes, she will ignore you and walk away…you have to accept this and stay away from her. Yes, your daughter will not be invited to her daughter’s party. You need to encourage your daughter to be close with other girls and invite those girls over instead.

    #735597 Reply
    avatar
    JD

    She’s never going to like you, whatever. She should put it behind her and focus on her current marriage or hubby will go the same way. Granted I wouldn’t want you around my husband, but in the end MARCO cheated, not you. She should be angry at him. I will never get why people will get mad at the other “woman”. It wasn’t great of you to do but you weren’t cheating. You aren’t going to be friends. I mean, who cares, it is one person out of plenty.

    #735602 Reply
    avatar
    Northern Star

    I will never get why people don’t understand that you can be mad at both parties involved in an affair.

    To shrug and say, “who cares, I didn’t take the vows, so I can fuck another woman’s husband or boyfriend” means you’re just kinda a bad person.

    #735603 Reply
    FireStar
    FireStar
    Participant

    You never understand why people get mad at the other woman? Marco cheated with her. While she knew Marco had a girlfriend and had met the girlfriend. People get mad at the other woman because the other woman is doing something wrong and helping the cheater to fuck up the life of another person. The girlfriend didn’t blow up on the lw when the cheating came to light. Some woman go crazy on the other woman and forgive the boyfriend. That I don’t understand but that isn’t this. This is the girlfriend ended it with Marco and walked away from both. Because the boyfriend was *more*wrong doesn’t mean the other woman wasn’t wrong too and that the girlfriend isn’t completely in the right to ignore her.

    And blaming the girlfriend for Marco cheating is full on crazy town. Her husband won’t “go the same way” because an ex cheated and she ignores the other woman. Wtf? Are you currently cheating on a partner. Or are you the other woman? This response is so tone deaf.

    #735604 Reply
    avatar
    ele4phant

    I will never get why people will get mad at the other “woman”. It wasn’t great of you to do but you weren’t cheating.

    To me, it’s a character deficit. Obviously, Stephanie was *very* mad at Marco, he definitely caught heat here, as he should’ve. And it’s not as though the LW forced him to cheat or lured him into it, he did it willingly and sounds like he instigated it. But, it does speak to her character that she willingly participated in the betrayal of someone innocent. To me it indicates someone is self-serving. They do not consider the impacts of their actions beyond their own wants and needs.

    Hopefully she’s long since matured past that, but those that are party to cheating (men AND women) deserve some judgement. Not all of it, not most of it, but definitely, it’s a shitty thing to be a part of.

    #735613 Reply
    avatar
    JD

    Never said I don’t get why she doesn’t like her or that it isn’t indicative of poor character. Just saying MARCO is the problem. It was his responsibility to be faithful.

Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 31 total)
Reply To: I was the "Other Woman" – how do I apologize?
Your information:




Comments on this entry are closed.