This topic contains 15 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by Kate 2 weeks, 1 day ago.
- July 12, 2017 at 9:35 am #693416
From a LW:
Hi Wendy,just came across your blog and am interested in your advice.I’v been chatting with this girl via email for like 3 weeks now approaching a month and i like her a lot.She lives in Russia with her parents and she is 34 years old while i live in a different continent miles away from her and am just 24 years old.Yeah the age difference might come as a shocker.Se she also likes me and even went to confess that she thinks she might be falling in love with me.I know it might be too soon to use the three magic words.We have been talking and getting to know each other and even exchanging photos.We are unable to chat everyday because she told me she lives far from the city and she uses a cyber cafe to write to me.I on the other hand have my own computer which i use.My parents don’t know about this yet but if they do,i know they most probably will not allow it.Another thing is,she said she is organizing the necessary documents so she can come to me.The thing is,i’m trying to get a passport and a visa so that when she arrives i can leave with her to Russia and become a permanent citizen of Russia. What do you think?I know it may sound naive but am not.Actually,i have been thinking of immigrating to a different country,for awhile now.Also,am currently half way into college but am literally failing my classes.My parents have given me only one last chance or threatened to discontinue paying for my education.Problem is,am still, not doing well.I have read that in Russia,there is high demand for English teachers and private tutors.I’m actually pretty good in English.I know that without a degree, am basically screwed,but she told me we could be living together once in Russia and she would help me get a job there and teach me all i need to know about Russia.I feel like i don’t have anything else to do in my country. So advice me.July 12, 2017 at 10:03 am #693433
didn’t even bother to read past the first sentence. No, you should not. Talking via email is not the same as knowing a person in real life.July 12, 2017 at 10:07 am #693436
Absolutely not. In no way should you pursue this. Stop talking to this woman, who, by the way, is most likely a scammer, just stop.July 12, 2017 at 10:26 am #693442
No, No, No no no never not in a million years.July 12, 2017 at 10:35 am #693443
Ok, this is a scam. She’s a scammer. She’s possibly not even a woman. There are people who make their living doing these romance scams. A lot of them are working out of Internet cafes in Nigeria. They say they’re in some other country. They know exactly what to say to make you fall in love. They say they’re coming to see you, and at the last minute something goes wrong with their papers, or their kid gets sick, and they need you to wire them money.
Where did you meet this woman?July 12, 2017 at 10:37 am #693444
Mark my words, she probably does not live in Russia, and if she does, she has no intention whatsoever of you going there. She probably has no intention of coming to you either. This will progress to an apologetic request for money.July 12, 2017 at 10:40 am #693445
I’m sorry, but this is the very definition of naive.
You’re describing a very common scam. It’s very likely that nothing she’s told you is true. She may not even be a she. The photos you received are probably stolen from someone’s Facebook account. Pretty soon there will be requests for money. Or your credit card number. Or banking information.
I know life’s tough for you right now, but your life doesn’t get better when you run away from your problems. You just add more, bigger problems to the pile.
So, you’re having trouble with your classes. Have you talked to an academic advisor? Does your school provide tutoring services, any other academic help?
If college just isn’t for you, there are only about a few thousand different kids of jobs you can have that don’t require a degree. Talk to the career counseling office at your school for guidance. You’re not “screwed without a degree.” OK, maybe you can’t be a doctor or a lawyer without one, but there’s a whole lot of other options on the table.
Life is long, and things will get better for you. Don’t throw it away on a fantasy.July 12, 2017 at 10:51 am #693446
1.) Never move anywhere for someone you have known for a month, even if that month was in person.
2.) Internet chatting is not a relationship. You don’t love her, you don’t know her. You are infatuated with who you believe her to be. You don’t love anyone in a month.
3.) Yes this is likely a scam.July 12, 2017 at 11:06 am #693448
But no, not really. Go meet women where you are from.July 12, 2017 at 11:16 am #693450
It sounds like you’re jumping at this opportunity just as a chance to run away from your problems. That’s not a good way to live your life. Even if it wasn’t a scam (which I agree it likely is), it would be a bad idea. Not only have you never even met this person, but you’re talking about moving to Russia, of all places. Do you know anything about what it’s like to live in Russia? I know people from there, and from their stories it’s not great. In fact I think it’s possible that this isn’t a scam per se, and that it’s a real woman trying to get out of there. There’s a very real issue of lack of men in Russia (because they kill themselves with alcohol, because it’s such a depressing life). That’s why Russia has a mail-order brides business in the first place. So it’s possible she’s a real person, who wants to get you to marry her so she can leave. But is that really a basis for a relationship that you’d want?
Slow down. Don’t just desperately jump at a chance to get away from your issues. Make a plan for yourself, a real plan. If you really want to go to Russia for your own sake, then look into it. But don’t count on any help from what is basically a stranger. And understand that it won’t be easy, and it will definitely come with its own problems. Frankly if you want to go teach english somewhere it would be better to go to China or somewhere like that, where they don’t hate Americans and where they’re more accepting of outsiders. If that’s what you want to do, make a plan to do that. If you’d rather stay in the US, look at your options there. As others have suggested, talk to a career counselor. Consider trades that you may be interested in. Come up with a PLAN for your life. You can’t just jump away from problems like this, because all you’re really doing is jumping into new ones (that you also don’t have a plan for).July 12, 2017 at 11:21 am #693453
Oh yes, in this scenario the shocking thing is obviously the AGE DIFFERENCE. *eyeroll*
Donald Jr, is that you???July 12, 2017 at 11:55 am #693460
“Should I immigrate to Russia?”
“… for my email girlfriend?”