Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Interfering mil

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This topic contains 29 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by avatar ele4phant 7 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #685790 Reply
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    Honey

    My husband n i are both introverts we take our time in getting to know ppl. My overbearing mil is interfering in our social life by randomly talking to strangers in the community where we live and trying to introduce them to us.she comes and stays with us for months (which im ok with). We live in a community where elderly ppl often take evening walks.she tries to get their families’ information and goes to their homes with them sometimes. She thinks she is a great extrovert and is trying to ‘help’ her 40 yr old son in making friends (like one wud arrange play dates for their 5 yr olds) since she thinks we shd hav a happening social life. this irritates the crap out of me and i feel like she’s seriously crossing a line here.my husband has started disliking this too. we are fine the way we are and she thinks we are being stupid and touchy and ‘missing out’ on life. Do you think this is interference and how do i deal with it???

    #685851 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    Unless she’s actually dragging people back to your house, all you have to do is say “Thanks MIL. Husband will reach out when he has a free moment.” Put the effort back on your husband, because it’s his mother who is trying to increase your social circle.

    I think it’s weird but as long as she’s not handing out your information, it’s harmless.

    #685884 Reply
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    Honey

    Of course she gives out our information…and sometimes she does drag people in…maybe not inside but outside the house where she will ask my husband to come outside and introduce him to them.we dont want to be rude to anyone esp since we recently moved here…but we’d rather introduce ourselves than be introduced. She just wants bragging rights later on to say that she created our social lives for us.

    #685886 Reply
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    Northern Star

    Maybe you shouldn’t let her stay for months on end anymore. She’s probably partly creating her own circle, since she spends so much time in your area and evidently is a social butterfly.

    It’ll be much easier on everyone if she’s only dragging new people by for a week rather than months.

    #685887 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Eh, do you REALLY have NO FUCKING friends? As that IS pretty fucking wierd…

    #685888 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    Just smile and take her helpless victims aside and say you are still adjusting her medication, and thank them for indulging an older lady.

    #685893 Reply
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    Fyodor

    I don’t know about enough about the relationship, but this seems to me to be pretty benign and well intended. None of these people are going to expect that you want to be best friends with them because your MIL introduced you. Just ignore it. If she brings someone by say hello for a minute and go back inside.

    #685895 Reply
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    Fyodor

    or maybe even try to make friends with these people.

    #685896 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    I also suspect her son wasn’t ALWAYS an introvert either…

    #685897 Reply
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    Fyodor

    LW, let me ask you this. How much of this is actually because of any real concrete inconvenience and how much is because you are maybe self-conscious about your introvert status and lack of friends? You see her polite attempts to introduce to people as an implicit criticism of how you live your lives.

    #685902 Reply
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    Fyodor

    “We live in a community where elderly ppl often take evening walks.she tries to get their families’ information and goes to their homes with them sometimes”

    I have to say that this community where people are out and about introducing themselves on the street and inviting people that they just met into their homes, sounds kind of great to me.

    #686519 Reply
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    Honey

    Yes Fyodor is correct…i am totally self concious about my lack of friends…esp since we have moved arnd a lot and are new to the place. And her attempts are not really ‘polite’ they are very brazen and a direct criticism of the lack of our social life compared to her other son, who throws parties at his place every wknd. She makes these comparisons pretty explicit.i would probably have done the same thing (gone for walks and introduce myself to our new neighbors…but a)started a new job dont have the time b) want to do it at my own pace and dont want to do it in her presence. We dont usually invite ppl over when shes there coz she acts crazy and totally tries to dominate the conversation.
    Yes i have told my husband that we need to limit the duration of her stay.
    We live in the suburbs..pretty far off from the city… and there are parks all over the place.so its v common to see ppl out and abt in the summer evenings. This is a predominatly Asian community.

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