Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

is he looking for a sugar mama

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice is he looking for a sugar mama

This topic contains 29 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by avatar Kate 2 months, 1 week ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 30 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #673028 Reply
    avatar
    toridemari
    Member

    It was such an awkward date.

    Ive been talking to this guy for few monthes, and we’ve been really friendly. I was born here but I lived in Europe until middle school, and I still have some family outside of the states and visiting them lately, so that we didnt have much chance to see each other. However while I was away, we talked a lot- We’ve been texting and talking a lot of times, and we were pretty friendly but still romantically, expecting to meet up, etc.

    First time we met, he just came to where I was studying (Im a college student and its my last year, and he is in my age but he is graduated, working fulltime). We met in a cafe where I was studying, and the meeting was very spontaneous. We did not spend money at all, just talking for an hour.

    And I was away for few monthes, and I came back to the states. Second time we met, we went to this casual italian place that I know, sicne I talked about this place so much that he wanted to go. (just cheap, super casual place), and we spontaneously decided to go. When we were at the restaurant, i was ordering for him since it was his first time, which naturally led me to pay because this place makes you pay when you order. I told him he owes me next time, and we went to some campus cafe and talked for hours, not spending any money. It was just a casual dating/friendly meeting. When we were talking, he complimented about my wallet and my jacket (they were some brands like gucci). These were just some things that I casually carry with me, nothing fancy but still has showing some logo) He jokingly called me a sugar mama, asking me what my parents do, etc. I laughed at his sugar mama joke, knowing that Its just a joke.

    After a week, we met up again. he asked me to go to shopping. But I was busy in the day and malls were closed, so he suggested to go to the movie instead. I was expecting him paying for the movie this time since I bought his food last time, but I still brought some cash with me.

    He picked me up, and when we were on our way to the movie and was almost there, he told me that he had 0 balance, showing me his bank account. I was little upset, and I gave him a little look because I could not believe he asked me to go to the movie when he did not have any money with him. I asked him why he didnt tell me before and even asked me to go to shopping, and he told me that he gets paid through paypal and he transferred money to his bank account yesterday, but it was taking longer than one day. He said he expected the money be into his account by today, but he just figured out he had 0 balance in his bank account while he was driving here picking me up. I told him he should’ve told me before I got into his car, and I told him that I only have moeny that would cover only myself. He asked me whether I had some cash with me, telling me that he would send through paypal immediately. (So he does not have money in his bank account, but he does have money in his paypal, saying that he does not have moeny to actually spend but he has money to send.) He was keep telling me that it was beyond his control, and he was going to send money through paypal and was not expecting me to pay for him. However, again.I explained that If I knew him well, this would not be a problem, but I barely know him, and also I paid his food last time, so that I wouldnt feel comfortable just paying for everything today. He sent me the money, and I, again, told him that he could just tell me before I get into his car.

    To be honest, I still dont understand why he didnt tell me before I got into his car. He told me after 10 minutes when we were almost at the movive.
    I was little upset because I never had such experience before, and also I heard that some guys do this deliberately. I was being little suspicious even more because he complimented about my brand clothes and asked what my parents do, jokingly calling me sugar mama, etc. I still believe they all were just jokes, but I was lowkey being suspicious about him deliberately doing this, trying to see whether I would be okay with paying for him and being a sugar mama, but when it seemed like i was not okay with that, he was going to say that he was going to send money anyways – It could be his plan?

    So before we got into the movie, he sent me the money. We both tried to forget about it but it was still little awkward, having no money to buy drinks or popcorn. After the movie, he dropped me home, and we texted saying sorry for the awkwardness today. He said sorry too, but the last thing he texted me was ‘next time, let’s do something that does not involve money.’ Im not sure whether he is joking since money created this little drama, but its seems little weird to be because If I were him, I would try to make up for today and try to do something better next time, not something that does not involve money.

    How do you guys think? I know things happen, but Im not understanding why he couldnt tell me before and expected me having money to cover both of us. What if I didnt have enough cash that could cover both of us? Is he just cheap? Or Is he looking for a sugar mama or what? Im not sure about his intention and its too quick to judge, and I would like to get some advice about this issue, and about our next date, things to consider, etc.

    • This topic was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by avatar toridemari.
    • This topic was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by avatar toridemari.
    • This topic was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by avatar toridemari.
    • This topic was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by avatar toridemari.
    • This topic was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by avatar toridemari.
    #673044 Reply
    avatar
    Ron

    You gave him your bank account information so he could send you something like $15? That’s how financial scams are started. I hope he hasn’t drained your account. From data he likely already knows quite a lot of info about you. You need to be much more careful.

    #673048 Reply
    avatar
    Heather

    Look, you have doubts about him. Doubts about his honesty & basic decency. Jokes have an element of truth in them, he seems to be possibly softening you up. Or he could be cheap- doesn’t matter which. Be glad you got your cash back & just excuse yourself from the next date- MOA. Going Dutch &/ or picking dates that are within your budget are fine, but that’s not what happened. That text is passive aggressive- no one has time for that.

    On a side note, relationships (getting to know someone) only really happen in person. Yes, you can start texting/emailing for say- 2 weeks max, but you have to then meet & spend time observing how they act with you & others. Otherwise they (you too) just edit/ highlight the good stuff( or filter bad stuff in a positive way)- it isn’t real unless it’s with regular face to face contact.

    #673052 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    I agree with Ron. Don’t give out your bank account number. If he had the money to transfer to your account he had the same amount to transfer to his account so he was lying to you. He had the money but he was hiding it in one account while showing you another account that had no money. It doesn’t matter why he would do that. All you need to know was that he was lying and that he was pushing you to give him your bank account number. Think about it, why would he need your bank account number? Why need it to the point of pretending to have no money and then coming up with that money?

    I think you should talk to your bank and see if there is any way he can pull money from your account.

    #673078 Reply
    avatar
    TheRascal
    Member

    Just to clarify — when sending money to someone via Paypal (or Venmo or PopMoney) the only thing the sender needs is an email. They do NOT need your account info nor do they have access to your financial information. I use these services all the time.

    #673081 Reply

    Yes, he wants you for your money. I bet he has a bunch of women he takes out on dates that he can’t afford.

    #673082 Reply
    avatar
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Yeah, my friends use PayPal and Venmo all the time to square up for group trips or whatever. You only need an email.

    But yuck! I would call it quits after such an awkward date and all that talk about money. I doubt he’s actually looking for a sugar mama, but he probably shouldn’t be dating if he’s got a zero bank account balance, and you’re clearly not comfortable with a guy who goes out with a zero balance, so just call it off and say you’re not feeling the chemistry.

    #673098 Reply
    avatar
    Janelle

    I am old fashioned in this regard (and many don’t agree with me on this, although in my area where I live it most agree) but I would never go on a second date with a man who even LET me pay for the first date. Period. He sounds a bit shady and also if you continue to date him you clearly will have to pay for every darn date. He could easily have planned something that will allow him to buy tickets with Paypal. It does in fact take a couple days for money to transfer but you can buy a lot of things with Paypal…it just says pay with Paypal at checkout. He easily could have found something to do that allowed him to use it this way.

    #673107 Reply
    avatar
    Northern Star

    Dump him hard. He wanted to go SHOPPING for a second date? And asks you out to an activity, expecting you to pay for all of it? No. He’s feeling you out, seeing how much he can squeeze out of you. Do NOT give him your financial info.

    #673129 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom

    We purchase movie tickets with a credit card before leaving home. I don’t know why the guy couldn’t have done the same with his Paypal account if that’s where he likes to keep his money.

    He probably assumes you have some money because you can afford to spend months abroad. I realize that you probably stay with relatives and that cuts the cost drastically but it does mean a certain level of income to afford the ticket over and the spending money while you are there and not working. I think he’s greedy to assume he can push you to spend your money on him but I think that was the plan.

    If the two of you had gone shopping for a date and he had no money in his account I think that you can assume he would have hit you up to pay for his purchases at check out.

    #673138 Reply
    avatar
    toridemari
    Member

    Thank you so much for your responses! I thought I could be just being over reacting.

    He said he had 0 balance on his bank account, but he has money on paypal, so If I had paypal account he could transfer money, but he doesnt have money to actually pay and do stuff, etc. So he was basically asking me to give him cash and he will pay me through paypal. So he did not necessarily lie about not having money, but I think it could be possible that If I did say okay to him, he would not suggest me paying through paypal. But I was giving this attitude, and probably thats why he suggested some solution, pretending like he was gonna send me money anyways.

    He could be expecting me to say okay, but I didnt, and probably thats why he was like ‘oh can i please pay you through paypal? I dont have cash with me but I do have money in my paypal’ He was keep telling me that he is shivering becasue its so embrassing, and saying sorry, but yeah I still dont understand why he did not tell me before.

    I thought it could be too quick to judge, but I will consider all of your responses. The fact that he mentioned about money in our last message (lets do something that doesnt cost money next time) is little odd to me, because If I were him, I would be like “I will never let this happen again,”trying to make up for today.

    Thank you so much, I will be more cautious, and Im still debating whether I should still give one more try or not, but I will keep it updated

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by avatar toridemari.
    #673140 Reply
    avatar
    Kate
    Keymaster

    I would not. I’m just cringing at this whole thing.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 30 total)
Reply To: is he looking for a sugar mama
Your information:




Comments on this entry are closed.