This topic contains 15 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by rla1117 4 months ago.
September 10, 2017 at 6:25 pm #716644
Wedding etiquette question. My boyfriend and I have friends getting married in the next few months. My boyfriend has also dropped hints that he plans to propose to me soon, and I believe it will be on our favorite holiday. That holiday falls less than a week before these friends’ wedding.
My question is, would it bother these friends if we did announce our engagement less than a week before their wedding?
And in case these details matter in the decision:
1 – While we consider these friends good friends of ours, we actually no one else being invited to the wedding, so no one at their wedding would know/care we got engaged (and we certainly wouldn’t talk about it at their wedding).
2: My boyfriend and I have been together for many years and have lived together for many years as well. So its a little bit less of huge deal engagement wise than maybe other situations (?).
So what are your guys’ thoughts? Can we announce less than a week before our friends’ wedding without bothering them or should we wait a week after the wedding to announce publicly?
Thanks!September 10, 2017 at 6:51 pm #716648
As someone who became engaged within the last year and attended a few weddings, I think it’s fair to announce your engagement within a day or two of the event. Otherwise, based on your advanced knowledge of the situation, I’d wait until a day or two after. I don’t think a week is necessary, but waiting until after the event is over ensures that your new engagement doesn’t outshine the wedding, whether or not that belief is accurate.September 10, 2017 at 6:52 pm #716650
By event, I meant proposal, then wedding, respectively.September 10, 2017 at 7:12 pm #716653
Well, there’s two sides to this. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with announcing it a week before. It’s not like he’s proposing at the wedding or you guys are announcing at the wedding. I don’t think a couple can claim an entire week up until the wedding to be all about them. But you also asked if they would be bothered, and it’s really hard to know that. Some people, as self-absorbed as it would be, would be bothered by it. And it’s your call as to whether you’d want to humor people like that if this were the case. (I wouldn’t, so if I knew I was in the right, I’d announce regardless.)
So, my opinion is go for it. People who attend weddings have to keep living their lives, and the couple should understand that.September 10, 2017 at 8:07 pm #716655
Announcing it at the wedding – or maybe even the day of the wedding – would be a touch inconsiderate. But a week before? I think you’re fine! Especially since you don’t know anyone else at the wedding and your social circles don’t seem to overlap much.
And seriously, anyone who can’t pause their own wedding planning to be happy for you for 30 seconds isn’t someone you want as a friend anyway.September 10, 2017 at 9:47 pm #716661
100% fine – you get one day (well maybe the day before as well) for your “special day”, anything more than that is bridezilla territory. Just don’t ask the DJ to play a song for an engagement dance and you’ll be fine!September 11, 2017 at 10:21 am #716695
I can’t possibly imagine being upset if a friend announced an engagement a week before my wedding. It should be fine!September 11, 2017 at 10:37 am #716696
I found out that friends of ours were engaged at my wedding, and it didn’t spoil anything for me in the least.
The bride and groom would have to pretty high-maintenance, or you would have to be pretty obnoxious about it (re: the story that went viral about that idiot who proposed during his ‘friends’ ceremony) for it to be an issue a full week before their wedding.September 11, 2017 at 2:47 pm #716732
I think this is very much a “know your people” type of thing. If your friends have been very bridezilla about everything, or complained about other (real or perceived) spotlight stealing then there’s a chance that they would be mad about this.
If they’ve been reasonable about wedding planning in general, then I think it’s fine. Hopefully your friends are rational people, especially since you don’t have a bunch of people in common.
It’s not like (true story) the bride’s cousin has chosen her rehearsal dinner to announce to the whole family that she’s pregnant with the first great-grandchild. It’s not like you’re getting engaged at her wedding. And it’s not like (at least I hope) you’re going to demand to be allowed to catch the bouquet because you ARE going next.September 11, 2017 at 3:26 pm #716735
I agree with Stacysteph. Know your audience. At the same time waiting a week isn’t so bad. You could just ask your family to let you share the news and wait. I wouldn’t be upset but you wouldn’t really want everyone gushing at you or your ring at her wedding. Also you could tell the bride privately and see her reaction. If she is all joyous and wanting to share it go for it.September 11, 2017 at 3:39 pm #716736
I mean, it sounds like the proposal hasn’t even happened yet, you’re just speculating it will happen on a certain date, right? If so, cool your jets! And if that does, in fact, happen, I think it’s fine to announce it even if it is the week they get married. Will it bother them? I dunno, maybe — but I guess I think if someone is worried about another couple’s engagement announcement stealing their wedding day thunder then they have misplaced priorities. (If it were me, I’d be happy to hear that a friend had found a life partner.)September 12, 2017 at 9:29 pm #716886
Ditto Copa’s response. Unless you’re planning on trying to DELIBERATELY steal the spotlight — and it doesn’t sound like you are — I think you’re fine saying it. I mean, if you’re posting it on Facebook or whatever, how close attention are the two of them going to be paying to social media in that last rush to the altar anyway? 🙂