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Is my boyfriend's relationship with his sister bizarre or is my barometer off?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Is my boyfriend's relationship with his sister bizarre or is my barometer off?

This topic contains 17 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by avatar Sarah 1 month, 1 week ago.

Viewing 6 posts - 13 through 18 (of 18 total)
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  • #729099 Reply
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    Essie
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    She sounds immature, and definitely not good with social norms. I don’t think there’s anything sexual going on.

    Why feel awkward and left out? I’d just plunk myself right down next to them and talk to him, or talk to them. Even though you say you don’t want to use the word incest, you’re treating her like she’s romantic competition. Like you shouldn’t intrude when they’re around each other. If my boyfriend and his sister are talking at a family party, I just walk right up. OK, no, she doesn’t sit on his lap, but my point is, you’re his girlfriend. He invited you. There’s no reason you can’t talk to him, even if another family member is there.

    As for being “left to fend for yourself,” it’s really up to you to form your own relationships with his family and friends. He did his part by making the introductions. Now it’s on you to start conversations, ask questions, get to know people.

    #729151 Reply
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    brise

    Yes, my idea of joking openly with the sister was a bit extreme, I concede it. It could work only if made in a light, non aggressive way, and for a sound clarification, not as something hurtful against her. Anyway, what I meant was that you need to assess yourself as his girlfriend regarding his sister, how you do it is according to your personality. And why not kissing your BF or sit on his lap at his grand-parents? Unless you are in your 60’s (and even…), there is nothing wrong, you know, as long as it is not indecent. You seem to be at the same time reserved in your PDA, and extreme in your speculations (incest).But I am pretty sure you will get over this problem.

    #729158 Reply
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    CET

    As her older brother, he needs to say something to her about this. Tell her in private it’s not really appropriate for her to cuddle on his lap now that they are both adults…that it’s kind of weird behavior. Her mom should also say something to her.

    #729168 Reply
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    BakerBabe

    “Most people don’t cuddle in that way with their siblings, but it’s not as big a deal as you are making it out to be. Before I started reading this site, I never would have guessed that so many women are jealous of their boyfriend’s sisters and think they are interested in them romantically. ”

    I think a lot of this perspective of thinking that siblings are romantically interested in their sibling comes from the fact that women think of their husband or boyfriend romantically and sexually and it’s really hard to come out of that perspective and NOT think of the romantic partners in our life this way. Often people forget and are unable to overcome that thinking and see that not everyone in this person’s life thinks of this person the same way you do.

    OP, if you were an outsider not romantically involved with your boyfriend, would you think this is strange? Are you placing romantic connotations where you otherwise wouldn’t, if the situation didn’t involve your boyfriend? I do think you should talk to him, but approach it from the angle that you are wondering how his sister is feeling, but gain some perspective first so you don’t build this into something that could cross the line of dictating his sibling dynamic.

    #729248 Reply
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    anonymous

    My alarms are going off. how big is the age gap?

    my guess is your bf molested his sis when she was young. families do all sorts of “weird” behaviors to cover up and sweep sexual stuff under the rug.

    I would have run away so fast if id seen this kind of behavior, not just when sis/bro are alone or just with you but in front of THE WHOLE FAMILY AT A FAM EVENT?

    Yikes.

    #729336 Reply
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    Sarah

    While its not the usual to cuddle your brother I don’t think its completely weird and alarming. I do think its alarming that you don’t show any PDA to your boyfriend after a year and shut down when she does. I get that you aren’t used to any of this but he is, has he never tried to hold your hand? I’m not saying you have to sit in his lap but holding hands. Say something to your boyfriend or if you cant do that next time she does it start talking to her ask her if she has a boyfriend. If you are planning on staying with him getting closer to her will help her learn what makes you uncomfortable and maybe help you get less uncomfortable and if you are together for very long it is nice to have a sister in law that you get along with.

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