December 5, 2017 at 10:58 am #728514
Hmm, I don’t see any reason why you couldn’t go to the same therapist as a friend. That’s too bad that your friend had to butt in.December 5, 2017 at 11:17 am #728518
I personally wouldn’t want any of my close friends or family to go to my therapist. I talk about them. And I use first names.
An acquaintance, sure. But someone I hang out with regularly, no.December 5, 2017 at 11:29 am #728521
That’s kind of weird to me that the therapist would say she can’t see you anymore because of your friend, in my opinion. It’d make me think my friend was going in and talking about me so much that it presented a real conflict of interest to the therapist.
Regarding the friend I referred to my therapist, homegirl needed therapy pretty freakin’ bad (she would still burst into tears at the drop of a hat over a guy who had dumped her over a year ago, whom she had only dated about six months). We became fast, close friends when I moved to my city, but ultimately weren’t a good long-term friendship match, due in large part to how bonkers I found her, and we no longer hang out. I didn’t talk to my therapist about her until our friendship was a bit rocky, and my therapist could tell when I was trying to be discreet. And she took a moment to reassure me that she’s a professional and everything I say is confidential. It was only weird when our friendship was deteriorating, and even then, it was only a little bit weird, maybe because I knew that friendship wouldn’t last. Anyway. I probably wouldn’t refer a close friend to mine again, but it wasn’t that bad and I was the one who made it weird, not my therapist.December 5, 2017 at 11:35 am #728524
I would agree that I think you maybe had the wrong expectations of what therapy is. It’s definitely not a cure-all, it doesn’t solve all your problems, and they don’t “fix” you. Therapists are not the same as physicians, who generally are expected to “fix” your problems. The things you mentioned that your therapist gave you (tools and ideas on how to change thought patterns) are generally what therapy is all about. So, it sounds like you have a good grasp on what therapy actually is now, even though you may not have realized that that’s what it’s supposed to be.
That’s not to say that you shouldn’t find another therapist. Everyone has different techniques and attitudes. While there certainly are therapists who are objectively bad (unethical, mean, etc.), it often comes down to their area of expertise, your rapport with them, the techniques that work best for you, and your participation. Any of those things can affect whether it’s the right therapist for you or whatever therapy works for you.
I’d say that finding a new one and being open about what you’re’ looking for and what they can provide is helpful. If you think someone who is less passive is good, then ask about that. You’ve got to do the legwork and speak up about this or else it may not be helpful for you.
As for seeing recommended therapists, I saw one that was recommended by two of my friends. We’d talk about her (like comment on wise things she said or awkward interactions — like one time when they ended up talking about their sex life with her and they thought it awkwardly funny), and at least, I mentioned my friends a few times in the context of telling something that happened to me. As long as I trust my therapist, I don’t mind if they see my friends. If they seem untrustworthy, then that’s a bigger issue than who else their clients are.December 5, 2017 at 11:50 am #728532
That definitely makes sense. I’d think, though, that a therapist should be able to keep things professional though even if he/she happens to be seeing two close friends, and not divulge any info that he/she shouldn’t. In more rural areas or smaller towns where there aren’t as many options for therapists, probably everyone goes to the same therapist.December 5, 2017 at 11:56 am #728533
I don’t think it’s a bad thing, but for me, I will not recommend my therapist to a close friend or family member looking for one. That’s not a reflection on my therapist or her ability to remain professional. It’s my own personal preference.
To each their own. I was simply stating that not everyone is cool with it. This is really the only thing I’m not cool with sharing, because I have no problem with other recommendations. I’m not a crazy pants. I am, however, extremely guarded, private and protective, so that’s probably why I feel the way I do about it. It’s the one thing in my life I don’t want to “share.”