This topic contains 37 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by Firestar 2 months, 2 weeks ago.
October 31, 2017 at 3:12 am #725575
Hey to everyone who reads this
This is the first time I’ve turned to the internet for advice as there is nobody I can talk to about this in person. Let me give the story first:
I found out that my friend (in a relationship) had kissed another girl on a night out. During the weekend I went to his place to chat and hear his side of the story and to find out if they were going to break up or not. Before he continues he asks me if I can keep a secret to which I said yes. He then dropped a bombshell on me. He said that he actually in fact had a three-some with this girl and has very much tamed the story. On top of that the third person in the threesome is another friend of mine who is ALSO in a relationship. To contextualize, these friends of mine, their girlfriends, myself and my girlfriend are all very close. Now I have been told this fucking story that now I have to bare the burden of keeping secret. The worst part is that I can’t even talk to my girlfriend about it. If anyone is able to give me some advice on how I should handle the situation that will really be appreciated as I have nobody and I’m actually struggling with it.
BestOctober 31, 2017 at 3:28 am #725576
Well kissing the other girl, it’s not a good thing, in some cases it might be a one off and in other cases it just shows that he doesn’t take the relationship seriously and would cheat at any opportunity.
The threesome? Well that’s something else entirely. The person I would feel worse about is your friends boyfriend. He is getting fucked over really bad.
I would also feel bad for this guys gf because he isn’t even having the threesome with her.
You probably don’t want to be involved it. Work out who is your best friend and stick with them because your friend (the girl) will find out about this. sleeping with two girls isn’t something a guy keeps to himself so you can be certain she’ll find out. If you are good friends with her and believe she is honest in the relationship , then I would tell her.October 31, 2017 at 9:05 am #725596
I’m trying to figure out why you went to hear “his side of the story.” I’d keep out of it. Know that when when your friends found out what happens it’ll come out that you knew. You’ll lose all those friends in the turmoil. I’d start removing myself now.October 31, 2017 at 10:23 am #725619
Well after hearing what happened he got hold of me asking if we can talk. I went to him and he told me this. Something that I wish he never told me in the first place. On the drive home I was thinking and came to the conclusion that I’m going to remove myself from these people. Theres too much toxicity over there and I can’t be a part of it. The only thing now is that I’m in serious conflict about telling my girlfriend. The result will really fuck things up. It’ll ruin two relationships, and completely destroy the two girls that this has been done to. As far as everyone knows he’s just made out with this girl… not the fact that he had a threesome and I’m wondering if its best for nobody to knowOctober 31, 2017 at 10:47 am #725624
I’d leave it be. If you both start removing yourself from the situation it’ll be best.October 31, 2017 at 11:03 am #725626
I know he told you and dragged you in so it’s not like you sought this drama out, but still none of this is your business or problem. These people are making their own choices and if they end up hurting people and exploding their lives, that’s on them not you.
The only reason this could become your problem is if you make it – so don’t. Stay out of it.
I’d tell him to stop dragging you into his drama. If his conduct has made you rethink the kind of person he is, end your friendship.
But do not, DO NOT, further entangle yourself in this shit show by continuing to be his confessor or telling other people.
Again, this is not your circus not your monkeys.October 31, 2017 at 11:16 am #725628
I do see it’s a little tricky about whether or not you tell your girlfriend. On the one hand, it’s none of her business (nor was it really yours but you can’t help that someone tried to drag you in), but would she be mad at you to find out you didn’t tell her?
Personally I think she’s not entitled to know, I think couples should be honest with each other about things that affect their relationship – but this situation isn’t really have anything to do with your relationship. So I’d say it falls outside of the things she’s entitled to know, and she shouldn’t be upset if she learns you kept it from her. This isn’t her business, it has no bearing on the relationship between the two of you.
But shouldn’t be mad and wouldn’t be mad aren’t the same thing. She may (unreasonably IMO) be upset that you knew something and didn’t share it with her.
I’d still lean towards not saying anything.
If or when (probably when) this all comes out and crashes down on your friends (and it comes out you knew), if she’s mad I’d tell her it wasn’t really either of your business and you didn’t feel it was your place to share.
Hopefully she’ll understand that.October 31, 2017 at 11:20 am #725630
Stay out of it and shut up. Not your secret and not your business.October 31, 2017 at 11:23 am #725631
Yeah, agreed, after all this my thoughts on a few relationships with people are confirmed. After he told me I got upset and made him aware that it was selfish of him to tell me this (and obviously that what he did is seriously fucked). So I think he knows where I stand, not going to be contacting him anymore or the other guy. But your thoughts have confirmed my own. In terms of my girlfriend knowing, I’m not sure if I was clear enough in terms of the details but put simply the two girls who were cheated on are her best friends. So there is kinda a direct link between me knowing and her not knowing. You know what I mean, such a shit storm. But maybe my thoughts will develop over time until I come to a conclusion. For now, its best I focus on growing relationships with healthy people.October 31, 2017 at 11:28 am #725632
Definitely not your shit show, not your monkeys, but…I’m not so sure you can really just back up slowly and stay out of the fray.
One way or another, your friend having a three-way with another person from your friend group and a random chick, neither of which were his girlfriend or the other friends’ SO is going to come out. That’s two couples with a big secret just waiting to blow up and, frankly, when something this big comes out and your girlfriend finds out that you knew about it, well, that’s probably going to blow up on your relationship, too. Especially if it takes a bit for it to all come out.
It goes against the advice I’d normally give, but given the very specifics of this situation, I’d probably tell your girlfriend that you know what happened and then you guys can decide what to do from there as far as telling anyone else. And also, I’d distance myself from this hot mess of “friends.”October 31, 2017 at 11:31 am #725634
Although none of this is your problem or any of your business, I suspect this won’t end well for you as your friend group is about to explode and there will be recriminations, including your gf wondering why you feel more loyalty to friend than to her (a lot of people don’t value keeping one’s word to keep secret something they decide they had as much right as you to be told about — sorry just the way it often works). Make new friends. Two members of the friend group cheating on two other members of group along with middle school-level sharing of ‘secrets’ really is the kiss of death. You’re lucky if you salvage your gf and one other friend out of this mess.October 31, 2017 at 11:39 am #725636
To be honest, I want out of this whole ‘friend group’ and I want it for my girlfriend too. Which is the decision. I don’t care about salvaging anything with any of them. Haha, I laugh at myself though, I thought I’d never be a person associated with people who do this kinda shit. “Rock & Roll” hey, the over-sensationalised, romantic and dim-witted idea of living a band lifestyle. Apparently it’s impossible to play music and have an honest relationship at the same time.