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Dear Wendy

Lack of sex in relationship is making me disinterested

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This topic contains 17 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by avatar Mike 19 hours, 26 minutes ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 18 total)
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  • #681999 Reply
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    J.

    Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half and been living together for 5 months. I’m 20 and he’s 25. Sex has always been a bit of a let down because it’s usually just wam, bam thank you mam but I just told myself we can work on it through communication about what we like in bed. For example I expressed to him that foreplay is important for me and I don’t want to be the only one doing it. At the start he did try to do more of what I suggest but not for long. I tried saying that I won’t go down on him if he doesn’t to me but that didn’t work because he didn’t care as long as he didn’t have to do it. Sex has only got worse and now I’ll be lucky to get it once every 3 weeks. In previous relationships, guys wanted sex all the time and we’re always touching and teasing to make it happen. In this relationship, I don’t feel sexy and I feel like more of a friend which is making me consider breaking up with him. I ask him what his fantasies are and what he wants me to do to him but he has nothing. He hates neck kisses and when I tickle his thigh and arm. I just can’t make it happen! He loves me and takes care of me while I’m looking for a job but I just can’t deal with the lack of intimacy. Please help!

    #682010 Reply
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    Heather

    There’s a quote that I’m going to paraphrase: that when sex is good then it’s 10% of the relationship and when it’s bad it’s 90% of the relationship. You’ve tried to make better, but he’s unwilling to beyond a minimal effort at first (which soon stopped) to change or do it better. This is it- the sex won’t change. So you’ve got to decide if it’s worth staying with him and accepting this it as is; or finding someone else who is both good to you and with whom the sex is better. Being unhappy in about an area of relationship is enough of a reason to leave.

    #682018 Reply
    juliecatharine
    Juliecatharine

    MOA; he’s a lousy, selfish lay!

    #682035 Reply
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    Janelle

    If something isn’t good early in the relationship never expect it’ll change. That is setting yourself up for failure.

    #682038 Reply
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    Heather

    Oh & for future reference, don’t move in with a boyfriend until you’ve dated them for more than a year. As by then you know if you want to continue dating them & aren’t stuck living with them when you want to break up.

    #682046 Reply
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    Ron

    She did date him for more than a year before moving in together. They moved in at the 13 month point.

    #682048 Reply
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    Ron

    The point that does apply: if something major in your relationship, like your satisfaction with your mutual sex life, isn’t working, don’t assume that moving in together (or getting married) is going to magically fix it. This is another case of focusing upon advancing the relationship rather than improving it to a point where it is good enough to be acceptable for the long haul if nothing else changes. So, so many LWs assuming that an engagement, marriage, moving in together, having a kid together will improve an unsatisfactory relationship. It’s time for this LW to MOA. She tried to change the guy. It didn’t work.

    #682055 Reply
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    Janelle

    She did wait a year but she is only 20. Chances of it working weren’t high even if the sex was good. Too young to be moving in with a boyfriend, let alone one that doesn’t satisfy you.

    #682057 Reply
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    Heather

    I said more than a year,(one month over a year isn’t what I meant). I should have said 2, to be clearer. But yes to Ron’s point about moving in, getting married or even let’s have kids to change a problem doesn’t work at all.

    #682059 Reply

    You are 20!
    You should be having wild sex and having fun.

    #682061 Reply
    FireStar
    Firestar

    You tried. You communicated. You were open. You did everything you can on this topic. It’s a no go. He isn’t the guy for you. You are 20. Go date and find someone compatible. It’s never going to be this guy.

    #682066 Reply

    Yea, if it’s this bad now it’s going to be worse in a year, or two years, or five years, or ten years.

    Move on from him.

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