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Dear Wendy

life surprises me in all way.

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by Skyblossom Skyblossom 1 week, 4 days ago.

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  • #716869 Reply
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    tamar

    Hi. im 18 years old Uni student, Tamar, who currently needs help. As i have noone to ask advice i will ask to you.

    Begining : so i passed exams and started University at another town, for this i moved to this town and lived alone. time to time mother would come to take care of me.
    The thing was that my family is not in a very good financial condition so i decided to work, even tho i had 50% payment off and plus scholarship for my good scores. while searching the job i was thinking to start as a consultant, but my friend Ani at the time got into job in an Indian restaurant as a waitress, so when i was checking ads i saw this Indian restaurant ad and decided that it was same and applied. in short it came out to be totally different. but still i went. at the intrvew i meet with owner who was pakistani man, married with Georgian woman, but had 3 son from his first marriage. that i didnt know that time obviously. so the job was from 12 pm to 12 am it was unconvinient for me so i left. but while going home they called and told me that because of my good English they wanted to hire me and so they would do any possible way for me to stay there. next day i went there and decided to only work for 4 days a week. here is the thing. in my country warking as a waitress means you are “bad” kind of girl thats why i only told mother not my comunist father and brother ( step ). i learn quickly and got used to it. everything was going great.

    Starting of something new : so as i was talking good english and i am very positive person, everyone liked me, i had very good relation with staff and employers. as i mentioned owner had 3 son, they were also working here. two of them was always somewhere else or in pakistan. the one (youngest 22 years old) was always helping his dad and so thats why he was spending much time here. and we used to chat a little. i was helping him with translations. his name is Hamza. so as Hamza noticed that i could help he asked my number so if he needed something he would text. thats how we started to text, he would need some translation and that we would ended up talking about life at 4 am. it was amazing. i didnt expect anything from this, i would think that he never looks at me other way im his employee. but one night he asked me how im gonna get home., as i said by taxi he said that he would take me. i refused, first of all i have never been in anyones car rather than my family and second of all i didnt wanted to leave another girl alone. he waited for me for half hour i still didng go. he got mad on this. but we left it behind in few days.

    acceptance : few days later i was blocked out from house coz my relative had the keys and she wouldnt come home for 2 hour. it striked in my mind that now its morning and i could go out. i texted hamza i knew he would ask again and he did i said okay lets go somewhere. and it was our fist date, from the begining i was doing things i thought i would never do, we went in anoter city to see one very femous churche by his car, that day was amazing we spent like 5 hours together.
    i liked him a loot but i never thought what was about to happen. on our second date we went to also very famous restaurant he got me adorable gifr – kitten. i hate gifts so i refused at fist but what could i do ( 😀 it was kitten ) i didnt know his intentions yet, only after two month later he told me that even that time he was falling in love with me and as he was kind of guy who “doesnt fall in love” he wanted to get rid of me, he even tried to ask his father but he said no. he wanted to scare me. so there was a conversation about what would be the most extrime thing i could do for him. few minutes explaining about his situation in georgia he asked me a question: would you marry me so i can get visa? at fist i got scared even mad, why would he do that, all this was because of this ? my questions were killing me. i would never do this for anyone. kidding me ? my perents will kill me. no no no. but my answer was yes. please dont ask. i still have no idea how i answered yes. next day i got a text and went to justice department and we got married on 11th of may. His father was in shock he had no idea about this. ( actually hamza asked coz he was sure i would say no so i had to leave job ) he was amazed . god bless you repeated like 1000 times. this marriage should have been for only a month. im still married .

    Shit got real: after this we had to spend even more time together for some stuff, i was sure he was not interested in me as a person but i was abviously wrong. time to time i was feeling like i never felt before. i never had boyfriend and sudennly i have hubby , yeah weird. then it happened that my mom was afraid that father would find our abour job because i told my friends she told him. he fricked out real bad. ordered me to leave the job. i didnt i was just working till 9. but at the end of the second month i had to leave bevause of my study. but i had no problems. furthermore my now father in law is so amazing person and he supports me in any wat included financial, i always feel ashamed but im so greatful .
    so what im saying. time passed and we eventually fell in love. and we both fell very hard. madly. im not going to talk about our relation in this or i have to write a beautiful novel . just trust me our love is very very unusual and you can only find it in books. i know his whole family now. everyone his side knows me as his real wife. we both consider each other as a husband and wife. i told my mother that he is my boyfriend . but as he is different race and religion we both know that if my father and brother find out there will be very very very big mess and i will lose them forever ( i know my family sucks ). i lost my virginity and afther getting back from my town ( holidays in which we even made so that we went to same place for a week. god helps us to be together all the time ) we live together.

    PROBLEM : as we both are madly in love. ( actually he is more ) and i know everything went to fast but just trust me we know who we are. the wounds we give each other are very deep. so tomorrow my brother comes for 2 days and because of that Hamza had to leave. we cant stay together. next month my relatives and then my mother comes. he says now i cant be without you. it hurts him i know it also hurts me. but i dont know what to do im stuck . i need advice really. what should my next step to be? im afraid to hurt everyone.

    #716882 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    I don’t know that there’s a good solution to your problem. I don’t see how you can go through your entire life without telling your family about him. You do realize that eventually they will find out, right? What exactly do you see your options being? To me, it seems like they are hiding it for as long as possible, and deal with the inconveniences, or tell them and potentially sever your relationships with your family. Is that accurate? If so, I don’t really know what to tell you. If it were me, I’d tell my family, but I’m sure my family is different from yours. I’m glad you feel like you’ve done the right thing, but this is one of those situations where you make a choice and then have to live with the consequences, good or bad as they may be.

    #716896 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    First Tamar, what do you want? Do you want to spend your life with Hamza? Do you want to raise a family with him? Do you want to grow old with him?

    If the answer is yes then figure out what Hamza wants. Does he see this marriage as temporary or does he want to spend his life with you and raise a family with you and grow old with you.

    If the answer is no think about when you would get divorced. How would that happen? Would you have trouble getting married again?

    Whatever you decide definitely continue with university. You are in a precarious position. If you have a child with Hamza your family will find out sooner or later and you will probably be cut off from them. If Hamza then divorced you, a real possibility, then you need to be able to support yourself and any children that you have. You must think clearly here and prepare for the worst even if you are hoping and planning for the best. You could easily find yourself all alone, whether you have children or not, with no support from your family or from Hamza. You must be able to take care of yourself. Stay in school.

    #716898 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    Whatever decisions you make use birth control. Use it carefully until you have at least finished University and until you and Hamza decide to spend your lives together. If both of those conditions aren’t meant don’t skip the birth control. You could easily find yourself with a baby to support by yourself and then being unable to finish your education while Hamza went on with his life, either where you live or by going back to Georgia. A baby in this situation could condemn both you and the baby to a life of grinding poverty. It is up to you to prevent that from happening. Your decisions will affect the quality of life you have and the quality of life any children have. It is up to you to make responsible decisions. So far you have made impulsive decisions and they are creating a lot of stress in your life. You can’t make impulsive decisions when it comes to your children and whether they end up living in poverty. It is time to be responsible for all aspects of your life.

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