Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Man with temper issue?

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This topic contains 42 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by avatar em 6 days, 6 hours ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 43 total)
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  • #678471 Reply
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    toridemari
    Member

    You are right. Even thought I was born here I lived in Europe my entire life and I came back here for college.

    #678484 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    You wrote in one month ago about a guy you’d been on a few dates with who never had any money and you were worried he wanted a sugar mama? Is this that guy or a different guy? If it’s that guy, you should have listened to the advice. If it’s a different guy, I don’t see how you’ve had a boyfriend for months or it’s that serious.

    But anyway, your behavior is awful, manipulative, attention seeking, immature, and did I say awful? You provoke the guy, and instead of backing down and placating you like you want, he gets mad and blows up. He’s immature too and doesn’t know how to deal with bad behavior and manipulation, so he does stuff like leave you in the middle of campus at 12:30 am instead of making sure you got home safe and then telling you firmly that your behavior was not ok and he won’t put up with it. You’re both terribly lacking in relationship skills, but it sounds like you provoke things, and like you have this princess entitlement thing going on that may work with some (old fashioned) men, but is just going to piss most guys off. You need to grow up.

    #678485 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Like, what IS this?

    “One day I was jokingly saying a guy passing us is very well dressed, saying “wow he’s so cute” multiple times, just to tease him and jokingly making him jealous”

    That’s so messed up. If you feel like a guy isn’t that into you, just, you know, ACTUALLY break up with him and move on. If you want more time and attention than you’re getting, talk to him calmly about what you want and need. Threatening breakups and then trying to act like nothing happened, or teasing him to make him jealous, is so inappropriate and manipulative and gross.

    #678492 Reply
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    Leslie Joan

    I don’t understand what difference where you were born and where you grew up have to do with your attention-seeking, overly dramatic and manipulative behavior. Are you suggesting that the way you behave is the way relationships are conducted in Europe? Or are you suggesting, as I suspect, that you’re acting out because you are feeling out of place and disoriented?

    If you are feeling in need of help, you should visit your college campus counseling center. Say specifically what is bothering you and seek help for it. This is not going to be a twenty minutes process, one and done. You’ve got a lot of work to do. Yes, you are young, and early relationships are the places to make mistakes. But it would be an even bigger mistake to think that a relationship with some poor guy is supposed to meet every need you have in your life. That’s not the job of a boyfriend. And when you act in such a manipulative and distorted way to a guy, don’t waste time critiquing his reaction. The only healthy thing for him to do would be to dump you and never speak to you again. You need to get professional help for your issues, for yourself, and now.

    #678497 Reply
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    Fyodor

    I think that Ron asked about her English skills.

    #678529 Reply
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    Leslie Joan

    I know that, Fyodor. I was responding to her explanation. To me, she doesn’t write like a senior in any college. Anywhere. She writes more like a young Japanese teen or preteen. Or maybe that’s just because of her behavior. Most people would eventually get a clue that if you poke a snapping turtle, it’s going to snap at you. This LW is constantly poking at the guy, and then is sitting back and wondering how screwed up HE is because he’s done with it. This suggests that either the whole letter is an exercise in attention-getting, or that if it is genuine, it’s from someone who believes that it’s okay to torment someone who has committed the sin of calling himself a boyfriend. Go running, punch a pillow, dig a hole and fill it up again – do something, anything, other than to take out your frustration on another human being or an animal.

    #678530 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    Why Japanese?

    #678531 Reply
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    Leslie Joan

    Just a hunch.

    #678532 Reply

    Wait, how is any of this indicative of a Japanese girl, Leslie?

    #678533 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    So, you’re like psychic, or are their traits of her writing that you connect to being Japanese? Super confused.

    #678583 Reply
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    Leslie Joan

    Wow. If you really MUST know, I have a friend who is very into Japanese Lolita culture and has gone to Japan several times. There are some things that she is saying that are pinging with me. But what business is it of yours?

    #678589 Reply
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    Kate

    I don’t know about the Japanese cultural thing, but LJ has a point in that this poster seems to want a guy to take care of her… financially (her other post), physically, emotionally, and she doesn’t seem willing to give much in return. Like she’s used to being pampered and indulged and wants a guy to do that. There is an old-school European thing that I heard recently from an Italian guy in his 40s about “men being men and women being women.” Maybe an Italian dude with that kind of mindset would be a good match for Tori. I don’t really see it with today’s American late-millennial or whatever the new generation is, college guys. Good luck with that.

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