This topic contains 42 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by em 3 months ago.
- March 19, 2017 at 6:46 am #678590
That said, even if you’re having a total bitch-ass freakout and being horrible, a guy who leaves you all alone in a dangerous urban area after midnight with a dead phone (if that is indeed what happened) is probably not a good guy.March 19, 2017 at 8:28 am #678594
The younger the people around you are the less they realize they don’t need to put up with you when you are mean to them and so they tend to tolerate bad behavior. As they get older they learn to set boundaries and not put up with the stuff that you are doing. You will find it harder and harder to find a boyfriend who will stay with you when you constantly break up. They won’t want to listen to your apology just because you decided to call and give one. They won’t stick around to listen to you praising the looks of men walking by. They will learn that spending time with someone like you is a waste of their time and they will dump you. If you don’t change you will find that they dump you faster and faster. They will know they can do better. You can either grow up and treat a boyfriend the way you would like to be treated or you can be very lonely. Don’t tease you boyfriend. Don’t try to make them jealous. Don’t try to manipulate their feelings. Don’t try to always be the center of attention. Give as much as you receive. Think of their feelings. Have their back instead of routinely stabbing them in the back.March 19, 2017 at 10:30 am #678601
What business of it is mine? You are writing on a public forum. Of course people are going to read and ask about your words, especially when you write something that sounds inflammatory without backing it up in anyway.March 19, 2017 at 11:27 am #678605
It’s inflammatory to say that I read her as Japanese? Okee. I guess we differ.March 19, 2017 at 3:34 pm #678620
I was genuinely curious because you picked a very specific country (not even a region or whatever). If you had answered and said something like, “I lived in Japan for a while, and she’s using terms that Japanese people often use,” then I would have been like, “Oh, ok, cool.” I mean, you didn’t appear to be complimenting her behavior or writing style, so without hearing a reason, it sounds like you’re connecting immaturity or whatever with being Japanese.
If it’s not something negative, then I’m happy to hear it and change my assumption.March 19, 2017 at 4:13 pm #678624
Yes, it is inflammatory to bash someone and then say it sounds like they are from a certain country.
“Japanese teen or preteen,” is pretty specific. I’m wondering why this would even come into your mind. Do you have a lot of experience with Japanese teenagers?March 19, 2017 at 7:02 pm #678632
Actually, LJ, could you elaborate? As in, what is it about her post/writing style and Japanese Lolita culture that is pinging with you? I’m honestly asking because I’m curious. If nothing else, I’m interested to learn. Also I think that might help put some things in context for some other posters, too.March 19, 2017 at 8:16 pm #678635
My husband and I (and our kids) have hosted 7 Japanese exchange students (highschool age) in the last 10 years. Most of them girls. I’ve never seen anything close to this kind of behavior or attitude from any of them. Not that I’m any kind of expert on Japanese culture (and certainly not subcultures), but nothing about the writing style or word choices or anything else fits my experience with Japanese teenagers.March 20, 2017 at 3:41 am #678653
Thank you skyblossom, what you wrote really hit me.
And Ive been using English practically only for few years so that my writing might not eloquent enough (but i didnt know it was that terrible! or probably my ‘childish behavior’ made it sounds worse?)
I have been in a long relationship which lasted for three years, and we both were just forcing ourselves to make it work even thought there were so many factors that showed we were not compatible, no mature experience when it comes to dating. I feel like I was not able to learn how real relationship is supposed to be. And reading all these comments helps me to see I really need to be change the way i view. I thought what he did was so wrong, but what i did which I thought as somewhat acceptable was obviously not in the first place.
Definitely need to work more on writing/word choices,
And I have nothing to do with Japanese.March 20, 2017 at 7:37 am #678668
LW – stop playing games. Stop getting mad at people who don’t want to play games. If you want your bf to do something, say it out loud. Seriously, he doesn’t have ESP. No one does. No one knows what’s going on in your head until you tell them. So if you want your boyfriend to display jealousy, then say it out loud: I would like you to be jealous. Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? That’s because it is.
As for the hang up followed by grouchy behavior – the two of you are not compatible. You want to argue everything right while threatening to break up and he’s just trying to get his head together. Now, pretending nothing happened – that is equally immature. He’s avoiding your behavior and his own behavior.
Time to MOA.March 20, 2017 at 8:06 am #678671
Why do you keep editing and revising your posts? When I read your first post, I referenced two of your statements in my reply. I notice, now, that you have edited those statements out of your original post.
Changing your narrative is disingenuous and trends towards manipulation of the people taking their time to respond to your posts.
But, it does explain why your boyfriend of just a few months is already so frustrated.March 20, 2017 at 9:02 am #678675
LW Think about the people you know and think about which ones you really enjoy being around and look forward to spending some time with and then think about the ones you find annoying or tedious, especially think about the people you would rather avoid. Think about the people that you find you’re glad when they can’t meet up to get together with the group. What do you like about the ones that you enjoy spending time with and especially think about what the annoying ones do. Think about what makes specific people annoying and make sure you don’t do the same things because those things will make you annoying. How do you favorite people treat others? What specific things do they do or not do that makes you want to be around them. Be more like those people.
Try to focus on being kind and empathetic rather than creating jealousy and anger. This goes for friendships with women as well as friendships with men as well as for men you date.
Also, if you don’t want to be around a smoker don’t date a smoker. Know your deal breakers. No matter how hot a guy is or how well he dresses or how fun he is or etc. if he also has a deal breaker the relationship won’t work long term and will be a waste of your time. Don’t tie yourself up emotionally with someone that has a trait that you strongly dislike. You can’t change them but your complaints and arguments will frustrate and anger both of you.