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my bf kids vs my kids

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by Crochet.Ninja Crochet.Ninja 1 week, 2 days ago.

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  • #728116 Reply
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    shouldiworry

    my bf and I have been together over two years now and are talking about a future together. we do not have children together and we live seperatley he pays childsupport for his 1o and 8 year old whom live with their mom. I do not receive any childsupport for my two children whom are 10 and 5 years of age their father is incarcerated and has never helped. I work and support my boys but, I am resenting my bf abit for he is limited on spending when it comes to my children . hes never offered to buy them clothes or shoes. we do go eat sometimes I pay or he will finally pull out his debt card. my 1o year old will do chores at my bfs house to make a couple of dollars which I am okaywith my boy learning the dynamics of responsibility. he has his home paid off . I still am currently paying on mine

    #728119 Reply
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    Ron

    Why do you believe your bf is responsible for supporting your children. The two of you haven’t combined finances and aren’t even living together. If your 10-year old’s father never helped, why did you choose to have a second child with him?

    #728120 Reply
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    Fyodor

    It isn’t his responsibility to support you. You’re not married and they’re not his kids. He’s also paying child support for his own kids.

    #728121 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    I think it’s pretty common for a couple who lives separately to not share finances and therefore not support each other’s children. I think it’s unreasonable to expect him to pay for your kids right now. However, if you are planning a future together, it’s a good idea to talk about what each of your expectations are in regard to finances in the future. If you feel that it doesn’t match up, then you can decide what to do from there.

    #728123 Reply
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    Sarah

    It sounds like your all in ready for him to be your kids daddy, but he is just wanting you. In your plans for the future did you ask about the kid situation, where you would live, who would pay for what, you didn’t mention if he has a relationship with your kids. Other than dinner you pay for do you all 4 or 6 of you go places do things? Does he interact with your kids? Can/does he hold conversations with them? If he doesn’t after 2 years then your not headed towards marriage or at least not one with him being the new dad. Its time to have the conversation of how do you see yourself with my kids and let him tell you so you are not mistaken with his intentions. I’m on the fence on the buying your kids clothes and shoes, when you all are not engaged or married. Yes it is a sign that he doesn’t see them as his responsibility but since you are not married they are not his responsibility and he doesn’t need to buy them clothes or shoes those are essential items Dad in jail/prison or not. The dinner bill is what I am irritated at because if he isn’t willing to get dinner now when he has to work to get it then you are doomed to a life of cooking dinner 7 nights a week or paying to go out with this one.

    #728124 Reply
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    Fyodor

    It sounds like he pays some of the time for dinner, but she’s angry that he doesn’t pay all the time. The chores thing sounds like him being involved with the kids. I doubt that he really needs the paid services of a ten year old.

    #728126 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    It isn’t your boyfriend’s responsibility to financially support your children. It doesn’t matter that you do it all on your own. He didn’t choose the father of your children, you did.

    You aren’t married, engaged or even living together. Your expenses, including your kids, are yours.

    You do need to talk about the future. Does he see a future with you and your kids. If he does when does he see that future. If you would live together in the future how does he see the two of you combining finances.

    Then decide whether his idea of the future works with your idea of the future and your needs and the needs of your kids.

    #728128 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    I’m not sure why you titled the question as your boyfriends kids versus your kids.

    You are each taking care of your own responsibilities. There is no kids versus kids here. In life it will be unusual to find two people who are equal in all ways. You have less money to spend on your kids than he does on his but that doesn’t put the two sets of kids into conflict with each other. You have different incomes. Instead of expecting your boyfriend to spend money on your kids the way he is supporting his own kids, which is what he should be doing, can you figure out a way to increase your own income? I know it is hard to do.

    #728748 Reply
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    RosieV

    Who paid for your kids prior to this relationship? Maybe you need that guy back. Or maybe you shouldn’t count on others to pay for your children.

    #728808 Reply
    Crochet.Ninja
    Crochet.Ninja
    Participant

    so this needs to be part of the future talk – now. you need to figure this out asap – and decide if you want to stay or go.

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