Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

“My Boyfriend is Having a Baby with Someone Else”

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice “My Boyfriend is Having a Baby with Someone Else”

This topic contains 30 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by avatar Leslie Joan 1 week, 4 days ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 31 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #716673 Reply
    Dear Wendy
    Dear Wendy
    Keymaster

    From a LW:

    My boyfriend and I are dating for about 4months now. And we’re actually living together since the first month of our relationship. Mark is all I wanted to be. He’s a man of my dream. Before we started our relationship he told me a story of a girl he had a one night stand with. Last December about almost 9months ago. He told me the girl had fucked several guys As the girls is honest about it. Last week the girl has started messaging him to pay for the bill of the hospital when she deliver the baby on the September 14, 2017 the one night stand happened December 15, 2016 which is very close the date. I’m really heart broken even if we’re not even sure yet who’s gonna be the father of the baby. But the girl keep bothering him saying he could be the father. My boyfriend doesn’t want to pay for anything cause he doesn’t thinks it’s his baby. And the last January he met the girl and gave her a money to do the scan to find out how many week or days she’s pregnant but she didn’t do it. I just don’t know what to think or do if it’s comes out his baby. I told him I’m going to accept it but he seems to be not considering me to his plans. Please give me an advice.

    #716675 Reply
    Dear Wendy
    Dear Wendy
    Keymaster

    Why does he think it’s not his? He had sex with the woman nine months before the baby was born. That’s generally a telling indication that there’s at least a good chance the baby could be his. I’d be concerned that he’s slut-shaming this woman. I think ti’s gross that you’re slut-shaming her, too.

    Your boyfriend needs to take a DNA test and confirm that he’s the baby’s father. At that point, he needs to take responsibility — at least financially. As far as considering you in his plans, what is it you want him to consider? He’s so far denying the baby is his and it doesn’t sound like he’s made any plans to consider you in, anyway.

    Here’s a column from a woman who was in your place. And here’s her update. I hope these posts help you.​

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 6 days ago by Dear Wendy Dear Wendy.
    • This reply was modified 1 week, 6 days ago by Dear Wendy Dear Wendy.
    #716677 Reply

    A man who backpedals away from responsibility, who is derogatory of a woman he slept with, and isn’t taking you into account for his plans is a man of your dreams? Honey that’s just sad. His baby or not this guy is a grade-A loser. Aim higher.

    PS if this woman is really sooo awful guess who’s got shitty judgment? Your boyfriend. He’s either a slut-shaming asshole or a total hypocrite who will stick his dick in anything. Possibly both! Nice.

    #716682 Reply
    Dear Wendy
    Dear Wendy
    Keymaster

    Its also pretty bad judgment to move in with a guy you’ve been dating all of a few weeks…

    #716685 Reply
    avatar
    Sunshine Brite
    Participant

    If this is all you want out of a man, aim higher.

    Don’t move in and become reliant on someone within weeks. He’s mad that a girl he had sex with that was supposed to be NSA also had NSA sex elsewhere as well. That doesn’t make sense. Well, sounds like there is a huge responsibility that he needs to figure out if it is his or not rather than pretending nothing’s happening.

    Plus, he’s not considering you in his plans. That’s telling for how much of a future he sees with you. MOA and again, aim higher.

    #716686 Reply
    avatar
    Ron

    If your bf had used protection, he wouldn’t have this problem. Also, if he didn’t think the baby was his, he wouldn’t have paid for the ultrasound. He is feeding you a line of crap and you are buying it.

    #716689 Reply
    avatar
    Janelle

    I was just coming to say just what Wendy said. This is why you don’t move in with someone after a few weeks. You don’t know them. Your boyfriend should simply ask for a paternity test right away and if it is his pay the hospital bill. They don’t make you swipe a dang card when you walk in. This is a non issue. Did you need to be explained how to handle this? Come on now. Oh and get your own place.

    #716693 Reply

    WEES.
    If he knew that she was sleeping with multiple other dudes, why did he have unprotected sex with her? Any time, anyone has unprotected sex there’s a huge possibility of pregnancy or an STD. So he has just as much chance of being the father as anyone else that she slept with.

    He should get a DNA/paternity test when the baby is born to see if he’s the father.

    Also, move out and get your own apartment. Go get tested for an STD/STI, buy condoms (and LOTS of them), and find another guy who isn’t out there playing Russian roulette with his dick.

    #716694 Reply
    avatar
    Northern Star

    Knee-jerk response to “My boyfriend is having a baby with someone else” = break up and move on.

    After reading the post: Yes.

    #716775 Reply
    redessa
    redessa
    Participant

    It doesn’t really matter how many men this other woman slept with, your bf was one of them which means he could be the father. He should be asking for a DNA test, not denying the child. I don’t think he needs to agree to pay the hospital bill uless and until it’s found to be his child. But again, he should be asking for a DNA test to be done as soon as the baby is born, and be prepared to step up if it’s his kid.

    If it should turn out that he’s the father, what do you mean you won’t accept it? You will refuse to believe the DNA results? Or you won’t accept the child in your life? Either way, I hope you’re planning to break up with him. It’s one thing to say you don’t want to be involved with someone who has a new baby – some would even say that’s smart because that person has bigger things to worry about. But to stay with him and actually plan to treat an innocent child with contempt makes you a horrible person.

    Your bf is 100% right not to be including you in his plans. He might be a father and you’ve told him flat out you want nothing to do with his kid. What do you expect him to do? If your dream man is someone who would walk away from his own child, don’t be surprised when he does the exact same thing to you and the kid you “accidentally” end up pregnant with.

    #716779 Reply
    avatar
    Lexi

    I would say Run from this guy but you moved him in! Why red flags are not everywhere for you in this relationship is beyond me. 1. Don’t move people in you don’t know and 2. If an adult doesn’t understand how they had had sex but the baby can’t be mine run, refer them to A how babies are made book.

    #716788 Reply
    avatar
    bondgirl

    Did anyone else notice she said the baby was born on a day that hasn’t even happened yet?

    Anyway, break your lease and move out. He’s so not worth it.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 31 total)
Reply To: “My Boyfriend is Having a Baby with Someone Else”
Your information:




Comments on this entry are closed.