Also, I see you said that you see the good in him. Look, lots of people who cheat have good in them. Most people aren’t “bad.” And you say he makes you happy, but you’re also a mess and now blaming yourself for not being able to get over this. The truth is, he’s not good *enough.* He’s the guy who blew up your relationship by having sex with the girlfriend of the brother he hates. He’s the one who called you crazy and jealous while he was lying to your face and cheating on you. Great, once you confronted him with proof, he backed off and swore he was done with the whole thing, and that makes you somewhat happy. But you’re still a mess, as anyone would be after being betrayed like that. You don’t just get over it and move on. That’s not what happens even when you do work with a therapist together to rebuild trust. It takes YEARS, and it never goes away. You know that metaphor about, if you drop a china cup, it’s now in pieces, but you may be able to glue it back together and keep using it… but it’s always a broken cup and you have to be very careful with it. If it breaks again, it’s done. Your cup is not put back together, from what you’ve said. You’re trying to glue it together again, but it’s not working. You can’t use the cup, it won’t hold liquid, and you know you need to either glue it together or throw it away. I think your chances of doing the former are slim to none, and why should you? He betrayed you in about the most major way he could. Just throw it away and move on. That’s the right thing to do.

If you both want to fight for the relationship,why break up with him then?

I don’t get it. Did you break up with him so he’ll fight to get you back, offering further proof that he’s committed?

There are a few things wrong here.

First, if you believe that what’s meant to be will be, everything happens for a reason, etc, then taking drastic human actions to try to control or enhance that dynamic makes no sense.

Second, he probably will fight to get you back. You took something away from him that he liked having in his life – your relationship- and sure, that will probably put him in pursuit mode. But the problem is, that has no bearing on whether he’ll be faithful in the future. You’re setting up these tests for him to pass but, I’ll say it again, you’re not actually researching what it takes to rebuild trust, and you’re not doing the work together, with a professional, to make that happen.

Your mom, if she’s being truthful that your dad never cheated again, is one anecdote. These forums are full of women who forgave and tried to forget the cheating, the craigslist ads, the sexting, etc, and got burned again by the same guy.

Either do the real work or cut him off for real. This game playing is silly.

The only reason you should have to fight for a relationship is if there’s an external hurdle. Like, say, you’re different religions and your parents don’t want you to be together. That’s when fighting makes sense.

If you’re fighting and there’s no external hurdle, then think about that. What are you actually fighting? You’re fighting yourselves. There’s something wrong if that’s happening. If a relationship works, then there will be no such thing as “fighting for it”. What you’re doing right now is fighting against your own feelings.

And yeah, as Kate said, of course he’ll “fight” to win you back. He knows you still want him, and that if he puts on a good show you’ll take him back. That’s easy. But it’s not any kind of guarantee that he’ll stay faithful. It’s not doing anything to rebuild the trust he broke. It’s just an empty gesture.

Please seek out help.

Girl, just no!
Move from this guy. If you stay with him, you are going to end up in a world of hurt. If what he did doesn’t make you leave then there’s probably nothing a bunch of strangers on the internet can say.