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Dear Wendy

“My Ex is Dating My Friend Even Though I’m Hotter”

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice “My Ex is Dating My Friend Even Though I’m Hotter”

This topic contains 6 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by FireStar FireStar 1 month ago.

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  • #729478 Reply
    Dear Wendy
    Dear Wendy
    Keymaster

    Oy vey.

    My friend (Tilly) started dating my ex less than a month after we broke up in august, I’m still not over him. were all part of the same friendship group and kept hanging out whilst they were dating however everybody except Lucas know he is just a rebound for Tilly.

    I wasn’t okay with Tilly dating my ex but i didn’t say anything because they seem happy but we had a fight and now i’m not really friends with them anymore, despite this that friendship group still hangs out with my new one so every time i see Tilly and Lucas together i feel horrible, I still really like him which is weird because I know that I’m out of his league and none of my new friends like him.

    I’m not sure what to do because I want him to be mine but we never talk anymore and I just don’t know how to get over their happiness which I know is temporary because Tilly has cheated on every single person shes every been with but their totally head over heels for each other.

    I keep thinking that if I did even one thing differently Lucas would be with me instead of Tilly and everything would be different so I find myself pining over him and reconsidering every action I ever made around him. I still think Lucas likes me because 1: I’m not going to lie I’m way hotter than Tilly and 2: i catch him staring at me all the time, when he thinks nobody is watching which is weird because hes the reason i got kicked out of that friendship group.

    As well as that, there’s a boy I know, lets call him Tom, and he definitely likes me and I would like him except he’s terrible in the bedroom, and I know that if I got with Tom he could ruin Tilly and Lucas’s relationship for me but I can’t get over his “skills”. Its not like I can tell him because I don’t want to hurt him because I actually care about him,

    I’m not sure what to do about any of this because I don’t want Tilly to be as happy as she is because she doesn’t deserve it, shes seriously a terrible person and I want to be with Tom but his bedroom skills are a deal breaker and I want to be with Lucas but my friends hate him.

    I hope you can help me, I’m desperate.

    #729482 Reply
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    Heatherly
    Member

    OMG. *Bangs head against the teenage angst wall that’s in this.* I just can’t…

    #729485 Reply
    avatar
    LisforLeslie

    O.M.G. I have to say, I would not want you in my group of friends. You sound like a shit-stirrer and the fact that you got kicked out of your clique pretty much confirms that assessment.

    Ok. Lucas dates whoever he wants. Maybe Tilly isn’t hotter but maybe she’s nicer. Maybe she won’t cheat on him. Maybe she is better in bed than you. Maybe the one thing you did was act so desperate that he couldn’t handle the responsibility. Maybe you talked shit about your friends. Maybe he just didn’t like how you laughed. It doesn’t matter. It’s over.

    I have no idea why if you and Tom date that impacts Lucas and Tilly. From my perspective that’s like saying “I know if I buy a candy bar, the beef industry will collapse.”

    Maybe Lucas is staring at you because he can’t believe you’re so desperate and he is simultaneously weirded out and fascinated by it.

    Tom can be taught. That’s what you do. You say what you want and then the person does that.

    Beauty fades. Be a better person. That will take you a lot farther.

    #729488 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    As far as the staring goes you need to realize that every time you see Lucas staring at you he sees you staring at him. Maybe he’s just keeping an eye on your because he is expecting you to pull some nasty move. Maybe he stares at your wondering why you keep staring at him. Maybe he stares at you wondering why he ever wanted to be with you.

    Why don’t you spend less time staring at him.

    #729490 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    Being hot may open doors for you but it won’t keep them open. Being hot didn’t keep Lucas as a boyfriend and being hot didn’t keep you in the friend group. A hot drama queen is first and foremost a drama queen and no one wants to spend lots of time with the drama. Once your friend group got a bit of time away from you they discovered that their lives were much nicer without you and then they were done with you. If you want a good boyfriend you need to work on being a nicer person. That means having empathy, being considerate and caring. Instead of worrying about Lucas or Tom or Tilly you should work on yourself. Try each day to be the best self you can be. Be kind and considerate to those around you. Sooner or later you will meet a guy other than Lucas or Tom. Your relationship with Lucas is over so quit hanging on the thought of getting him back. He doesn’t want to be with you. Accept it. You aren’t impressed with Tom. You don’t want to be with him. Accept it. It is okay to have no boyfriend. It is okay to be picky. It is okay to wait until you meet a guy who is a good fit.

    Quit worrying about Tilly. She isn’t being happy at you. She is being happy because she’s happy. Everyone deserve happiness. You are much more likely to find happiness if you can manage to find kindness and empathy and caring within yourself.

    #729491 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    LOL.

    How do you even know Tom is terrible in the bedroom?

    Anyway, yeah, it hurts when your ex moves on quickly. It hurts even more when you have to watch them move on because you’re friends with the person he’s moved on with. I’d be pretty upset if an ex started dating a good friend of mine a hot second after we broke up, too.

    But, if Lucas wanted to be dating you, he’d be dating you. He doesn’t want to be with you. He wants to be with Tilly. Distance from this friend group is probably the best thing for you. It’ll give you the space you need to stop focusing on your ex and Tilly. Because really, that’s what you need. Stop focusing on everyone else, start focusing on you. There are things in this letter that make YOU sound ugly. But, like, on-the-inside ugly, not on-the-outside ugly like Tilly. So go work on yourself. Make new friends, get some new hobbies.

    #729556 Reply
    FireStar
    FireStar
    Participant

    I feel I need to say “learn to paint or some shit”

    You need a hobby or a job or to focus on school. You don’t get to decide who deserves happiness and who doesn’t. Leave tilly and Lucas alone. Why are you so wrapped up in other people? Be a better you – there is room for improvement.

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