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Dear Wendy

My girlfriend is making me so unhappy

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This topic contains 14 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by FireStar Firestar 6 months, 4 weeks ago.

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  • #666518 Reply
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    et1994
    Member

    Me and my girlfriend have been together for 10 months now and at first we were really happy and still can be sometimes. I took on her little boy and think of him as my own son and love them both so much.
    The problem is she is very jealous and anxious. She constantly says to me that she thinks i will cheat or find someone else. It’s constant, every day she says it. At first I would always reassure her but as time has gone on, im finding it harder and harder not because i will but because its killing me inside with the constant accusations and her worries.
    It’s breaking me to the point where i have tried ending it because i cant physically or emotionally cope anymore.
    I dont get anytime for myself, I cant go out without her, If im at home with my housemates alone she thinks im doing something with them, if im at work she worries that someone will try something and says i wouldnt stop them if i did.
    I just dont know what to do. I’m a student as well and i know that the stress of it has really impacted my work and she has to be with me 24-7 near enough. She complains about me working in case something happens but I need the money.

    I just dont know what I can do anymore. 🙁

    • This topic was modified 6 months, 4 weeks ago by avatar et1994.
    #666523 Reply
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    K

    You say you’ve tried ending it – what does she do or say when you tried ending it? You have to be firm and say that it’s over. This is not healthy for you, you need to get out of the relationship.

    #666524 Reply
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    Ron

    You can MOA. She needs therapy, but that has to be her choice. Likely she is carrying her past relationship woes into this new relationship, meaning she is not emotionally ready to be dating and should not have brought you around her child yet.

    You are allowing your tumultuous relationship to interfere with what should be most important to you: completing your education. It sounds like you aren’t enjoying this relationship, that you can’t possibly please her, and that she will inevitably drag you down with her if you don’t MOA.

    #666526 Reply
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    et1994
    Member

    I try then she says she is sorry and will get help. But it never happens. She promises she will change but it never happens. She says how its not her its her head but that she will try. Just dont know how much more i can take, Even friends have said they way she is controlling and warned me to get out ages ago.

    #666527 Reply
    juliecatharine
    Juliecatharine

    Your girlfriend is controlling and abusive. I’m sorry there’s a child caught up in the middle of all this but your best bet is to dump her and block contact. I have no idea if there’s any way to cushion the blow to her son but maybe someone else has thoughts about that. Take this as a lesson on why you don’t get close to a significant other’s children unless you are serious and then you take things very slowly. At ten months it’s way too early to be taking on a parental-type role.

    #666528 Reply
    juliecatharine
    Juliecatharine

    I just saw your update. She doesn’t change so you have to. MOA. When your friends see it and go so far as to tell you to stay away from her that says a lot about how bad things really are. Nobody deserves this from a SO. It’s abuse, don’t put up with it one day longer.

    #666529 Reply
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    bondgirl

    No amount of assurance from you will ever calm your girlfriend’s nerves. You did what you could, but it wasn’t enough…but that’s through no fault of your own. Do what you gotta do to protect your own sanity. I can’t advise on the kid part though, sorry.

    #666531 Reply
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    Northern Star

    Break up. You know that she’s lying when she claims she’ll change. Bouts of insecurity are one thing— constant accusations and trying to control you to the point where you can’t WORK or go to SCHOOL equals abusive jerkwad. Dump her and move on, or this will be your life. There is no way to “fix” this.

    I’m very sorry about the child, but you can’t fix that, either. Get out now.

    #666537 Reply
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    va-in-ny
    Participant

    I’ve found that people who constantly accuse others of cheating or being untruthful are often behaving that way themselves. Either way, this isn’t a healthy relationship for you.

    #666547 Reply
    FireStar
    Firestar

    You have to leave. Do it as a kindness to her – and to her child. Maybe then she will get the help she needs – she will not do it as long as you stay. The boy deserves stability and she can’t give it to him as long as she is focused on controlling you.

    #666553 Reply
    Crochet.Ninja
    Crochet.Ninja
    Participant

    MOA – only YOU can make you happy. don’t leave that responsibility to others. if you’re not happy, then you need to MOA and find a life that you can find happiness in.

    #666571 Reply
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    Janelle

    You a.) are not mature enough to be taking all this on (no disrespect, no one should be forced to mature before their time). b.) should not after this short of time be taking in her child as your own and c.) are dating an emotional abuser. Move on. She is bad news. I dated a man a lot like her. I would leave the house for 20 minutes to get groceries and be accused of cheating. I grew weary of it quickly but sadly before I moved on her physically harmed me. Just get out. Nothing sounds good here.

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