Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Overstepping?

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This topic contains 21 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by avatar carolann 2 months ago.

Viewing 10 posts - 13 through 22 (of 22 total)
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  • #696867 Reply
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    Janelle

    If I found out my 3 year old had already been sleeping in a bed with this woman I would be losing my shit!

    #696868 Reply
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    annoyed

    He did the sleeping thing the first night, my daughter told me. I didn’t mention it to him. Then before the next sleep over I mentioned that I knew what he did and I thought it was insensitive. So that night he asked my daughter if it was ok to sleep together and she said yes. I’m sure he’s going to keep doing it. They have been dating for only 6 weeks BUT my daughter knows her as aunty for about 6 months! She loves her so of course she’s going to say it’s ok. But is it? Really hard to accept all these new behaviors being pushed on my daughter. Like they are already playing family with her.

    #696869 Reply
    Crochet.Ninja
    Crochet.Ninja
    Participant

    the cosleeping is kinda weird, but mostly I’d just keep communication with your daughter open. they’re going to regret that themselves soon enough when she won’t sleep by herself at their house.

    #696871 Reply

    The cosleeeping is more than kind of weird to me. I’m trying to put myself in your shoes here…I’d be calling my lawyer. You need to tell him that he does not get to make decisions like who sleeps in bed with your daughter, on his own. I’d honestly be freaked out that she is or he is, or they both are grooming her. It’s freaking weird.

    #696872 Reply
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    Northern Star

    annoyed, you are not getting it.

    “Insensitive?” How about, “bad for my daughter.” You do not have a strong enough grasp of appropriate behavior, and I’m worried for your kid when you start dating again.

    #696874 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    I don’t know if the response about the girlfriend knowing the daughter before were related to my comment, but to clarify — there’s a difference between a kid being introduced to a friend and a kid being introduced to and spending time with a parent’s SO. Specifically, in this case, where it apparently means sharing a bed. I also find the co-sleeping weird. It would be one thing if she was scared to sleep alone and climbed in, but it sounds like it was his idea. Most people like their kid to sleep in their own bed.

    #696875 Reply
    FireStar
    Firestar

    It’s not insensitive. It’s inappropriate. You need a lawyer.

    #696926 Reply
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    iliketea
    Member

    Go see a family lawyer and get a custody agreement. With what you have described, that’s probably child endangerment.

    #697395 Reply
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    carolann
    Member

    This is really hitting a nerve with me because I have been through sort of similar circumstances with my ex husband. My daughter was three when we divorced. He had several mini long term SOs.(his relationships/marriages last about 2 years at the most) With each one my daughter was showered with gifts (you could clearly tell they were going overboard with my daughter because they though it would further solidify their relationship with my ex, little did they know he goes hot and heavy, but always has a two year “expiration date”.) She would be encouraged to tell the gf/temp wife she loves them and/or call them Mommy. She would also be encouraged to attach herself to the SOs extended family. This happened over and over (two wives and several girlfriends over the past 17 years…all lasting around 2 years.)This really hurt my daughter because she would grow attached and then when my ex and his SO would break up that was it. My daughter was told no contact. I get upset just thinking about it. My now 20 year old daughter still has attachment issues stemming from this!
    Please get a lawyer.If you can’t afford one you will have to do it on your own. It is harder that way, but you can do it. If you all do not have anything legal in place I auggest you keep your daughter away from him until you do. DO NOT LET HIM COME OVER. Tell him you wish to handle everything legally. You need to have him establish legal paternity (have her legitimized) Then set up CHILD SUPPORT and visitation. You can explain your concerns to a judge and have your little girl protected from this emotional madness. Stop being so nice. You don’t owe him s**t and you aren’t doing your daughter any favors by being so nice! She is very young, so keeping her with you while you settle this shouldn’t hurt her in any way. Trust me on this one. Lock the door and lawyer up!

    #697397 Reply
    avatar
    carolann
    Member

    If you don’t know where to start go to your local child support office and ask them for help. My case was a little different because I was married. As soon as my husband and I separated I filed for temporary custody. You don’t have to do that. Until he legitimizes the child you have all the legal rights to her.

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