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Porn: Need a male perspective

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This topic contains 14 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by avatar dinoceros 4 weeks, 1 day ago.

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  • #698064 Reply
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    Samie

    I want to know how many men watch porn even though they have girlfriend/wife that have sex with them regularly. My boyfriend is 33 years old, and I’m 24. I feel like my sex drive is much higher than his. Fact, I could have sex everyday. We don’t live together. We see each other 1-2 days a week on average and we usually only will one time for the whole week because he’ll be too tiered. However, he will watch porn. I just don’t understand why he would rather watch that then with me? Is it because we don’t live together and we can’t very often?

    #698066 Reply
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    RedRoverRedRover

    I’m not a man, but is he watching porn while you’re there? Like, instead of having sex with you? Because if not, then I don’t see what one has to do with the other.

    #698069 Reply
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    Ron

    Watched and read (yes that used to be how porn was done) when younger, both single and married. When married, watched with my wife. At your bf’s age, we each had full time jobs, plus two night school classes and still had sex 5-6 times a week. Perhaps he just has low libido, perhaps he isn’t that into you. Have you talked to him about this? After a while, porn can get really boring.

    #698070 Reply
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    Samie

    He doesn’t watch it when I’m there. But when I am there which is 1 or 2 nights week, we usually will one of the nights but the other night he won’t feel like it and it makes me feel unwanted and I start thinking about how he can’t have me the rest of the week so he’ll more than likely watch porn. I do have self esteem issues that I’m working on. I guess I’m wondering if it will get better once I start living there. He says he would rather have sex with me and not watch it, but why wouldn’t he want to take advantage of the 2 nights I am there knowing I won’t see him for another week.

    #698071 Reply
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    Samie

    He says he would have sex with me everyday if he could. So I would think the 2 nights I’m there a week he would want to both times. I know porn is a natural thing, and I can’t say I haven’t watched it. It just makes me ask myself why he would rather do that then get the real thing when I’m down for it anytime.

    #698072 Reply
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    Fyodor

    There’s the old joke about doing experimental comparisons between men who watch porn and men who don’t but not being able to find men for the second group.

    Do you want to be seeing your boyfriend more often? Do you want to be having more sex with him? I think that you need to sit down with him and tell him that your needs are not being met

    #698073 Reply
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    Fyodor

    I will say that most people’s sex lives do not get better longer into the relationship.

    #698074 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    No, you will almost certainly not see more frequency when you live together… that does not tend to happen. He’s saying he would every day if he could, but clearly he can’t or wont. I think it will continue to be once a week, so I would not move in with him without being ok with that.

    #698075 Reply
    TaraMonster
    TaraMonster
    Participant

    I’ll be honest, I can actually feel my eyes rolling out of the back of my skull when I read things like this. Unless your guy has a porn addiction, and from your description that doesn’t seem to be the case, then what he watches when he masturbates has nothing to do with you. It doesn’t mean he finds you unattractive or that he’s betraying you. He just likes to get his rocks off when you’re not around. Much like most people on the planet. This goes for women too. I always find this point of view to be bafflingly self-centered and crazy-controlling. So WHAT if he watches porn when you’re not around?! I repeat:

    It ๐Ÿ‘ has ๐Ÿ‘ nothing ๐Ÿ‘ to ๐Ÿ‘ do ๐Ÿ‘ with ๐Ÿ‘ YOU.

    More logical causes for your boyfriend only wanting to have sex with you 50% of the time he sees you:
    1. He is tired. Maybe work is crazy right now.
    2. For his libido, once a week is enough.
    3. He likes spending quality time with you that isn’t only based on fucking.

    Further advice: Buy yourself a fancy dildo/vibrator and find some porn *you* like (it could be erotica if watching it isn’t for you) for all the days your boyfriend isn’t around. You could also talk to him about a compromise so you have sex more often because your libido is higher (and don’t blame his porn consumption during this convo). Maybe a simple rearranging of schedules could increase your time together/decrease his tiredness. If your boyfriend doesn’t take your more-sex needs seriously or brushes it off, it doesn’t mean porn is the culpritโ€”the culprit is your bf isn’t a good match for you. Yes, it’s that simple.

    #698076 Reply
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    Samie

    Thank you for your honest opinion. I agree with what your saying. I’m not saying porn is bad. I know he needs to have some kind of release from the job that stresses him out. Before we started dating we would have sex A LOT. His house is only a min away from my work and I use to go over on my lunch so we could, ans I miss that.

    #698078 Reply
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    Janelle

    It doesn’t sound like he would rather watch porn than see you. He is doing both. If you only see each other 2 times a week max and he is having sex with you at least one of those days, what more do you want? I mean I get wanting sex every day but you cant expect him to be on you every second…he doesn’t watch porn every second. Plus, porn is one of those fun before bed things for a lot of people. I’d much rather be having sex before bed but the porn will knock me out so why not.

    #698079 Reply
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    Fyodor

    It may be that the thrill of the illicit was a big part of it for him and he’s just not that into it now that you’re in a regular relationship. I wouldn’t move in with him until/unless you get this resolved.

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