This topic contains 26 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by MaggieB 4 months ago.
August 6, 2017 at 9:27 am #696360
Ya that was the point. No one needs to be with someone they’ve barely started dating every waking minute. They’ll be just fine.August 6, 2017 at 9:58 am #696368
I mean… I don’t think anyone who asks to bring an SO feels they can’t be away from their SO for a couple hours. I think the thinking is, “Hey, it’d be cool to bring my SO to an event where there will be lots of couples.”August 6, 2017 at 10:12 am #696372
I seriously doubt everyone who takes an SO to a party thinks they have to be together every waking minute. Like Copa said, most people at weddings or parties are there with their SO. Even if a host chooses to grant plus-ones based on their certain relationship milestones, couples don’t do that. It’s not like my friends who bring their boyfriends to get-togethers at my house say, “Well, boyfriend, we aren’t living together yet, so you can’t come because that would imply I can’t breathe without you there.”
The thing about the “rules of etiquette” that bothers me is that it’s a set of guidelines for a person to decide how they should act to be polite. But instead, more people seem to use it as a guideline on who they can deem to be rude and then for some reason get enraged at. That’s not the purpose. That’s what I never liked about the Miss Manners column because I felt like more people used it as a way to snootily complain about someone they didn’t like then actually ask how they should be acting.August 6, 2017 at 2:59 pm #696402
Oh I agree about not being able to be next to someone every moment. It was a bit of sarcasm. It just isn’t considerate when someone is footing your bill. You shouldn’t assume someone will pay for your boyfriend/girlfriend. It’s putting them in a position where they feel obligated but may be straining their finances.August 7, 2017 at 8:24 am #696439
Do I think it’s a little tacky that they asked? YES! With that being said, if it won’t cost you too much or put you out too much, I think you should consider including them. I do feel like a cocktail party after a wedding is a bit more gray than you’re more traditional wedding ceremony and reception. I think it does leave a lot more room for interpretation.
We’re doing a big, low key party on our roof (kegs and delicious food from one of my fave restaurants). This happens to be the same evening as our little, immediate family only ceremony. Our invites didn’t include + guests, but a friend was mentioning her aunt would be in town that weekend. They’re really close. So, I told her to invite her. And our food does cost so much per person. Anyway, I figure what’s one or two more people if it will make my guests happy? FWIW, she didn’t ask to invite her. I immediately said to bring her.
Anyway, congrats and have fun!August 7, 2017 at 8:39 am #696444
I think you’re making a bigger deal out of this than it has to be. Was it a little tacky that your friends asked if they could bring their brand new SOs to your reception? Yeah, a little. But it’s not, like, the rudest thing ever, they obviously just want to share this special occasion with the people they’ve started dating, introduce them to special friends, and be seen as part of a new couple. You only invited close friends, so that’s why they felt it was ok to ask. I doubt if you’d extended invitations to acquaintances or third tier friends that those people would have asked to bring a date. These are close friends. You can afford a few more people. Maybe, since you have 15 extra seats, you could just extend a “plus one” to every single person on your guest list — tell them that with RSVPs counted and with extra seats, you’d like to invite them to bring guests if they’d like but that if they should choose to come solo, they will be guaranteed a lovely time with great friends. Drama and hurt feelings avoided, the end.August 7, 2017 at 2:45 pm #696493
We did go ahead and invite all the new SO’s yesterday after hearing everyone’s thoughts.August 8, 2017 at 8:14 pm #696619
I vote no extra guests.August 8, 2017 at 8:14 pm #696620
Oops look like I was too late with my vote. ..August 9, 2017 at 8:47 am #696677
Late to the party but I think you did the right thing. It fit within your budget. Yes, guests shouldn’t be asking to bring more people, but it’s not a work event – it’s a social event and if someone has been dating a person for a couple of months, it’s a nice way to introduce someone to the other friends.
You’ve taken the more gracious path. Congrats on the marriage!August 9, 2017 at 10:36 am #696693
I would hands down say no. This isn’t a house party, you are hosting an event at a venue. It is very rude of them to ask to bring a plus one in this circumstance. These aren’t “significant others”, they are new boyfriends/girlfriends. You had a plan and should just stick to it because like others have said this will open the door to more people asking for plus ones.August 9, 2017 at 11:37 am #696708
I’m generally of the “doesn’t hurt to ask, as long as you’re chill about it and take no for an answer” school, which applied to my wedding too.
Several people asked to bring new SOs, their kids, etc. to my ceremony/reception, and since they were all within my budget, vibe, and seating constraints (after we got some “no”s), I was happy to say yes to all of them. Including them in our wedding was a statement that I valued their continued presence and contact in our lives, and that’s a two-way street–I want to know what’s going on in their lives, which means I was excited to meet the people my friends are enthusiastic about.
However, I would not have felt the least bad saying no, if my constraints wouldn’t gracefully allow it.