Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Roommate vs. Lover

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by avatar Heatherly 4 days, 17 hours ago.

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    Sarah

    For those of you living with their significant others– what makes your relationship different from that of a roommate? Think about what you do on a daily basis– terms of endearment, kisses,sex, etc. Does that stuff come naturally or is it forced?

    Thanks.

    #727475 Reply
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    Sarah

    *your significant others

    #727476 Reply
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    Kate

    Well, I feel like we are a team, working toward the same objectives, and always thinking about doing things for each other. And multiple times a day, he’s like, “do you know how much I love you?” Or tells me I’m his world. And we kiss, and have sex, and do things together, and deal with each other’s moods, and keep each other motivated. It’s not forced. But I do know what you mean when you say you feel like roommates. Part of it is, don’t you have a young child with health problems? That’s going to take a lot of your physical and emotional energy. I’m sure you’re tired. Some of that is robably normal, but it sounds like your “love bank” is empty, and that does put you at risk of divorce or a dead relationship.

    #727478 Reply
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    Sarah

    Yes, our child has health problems, and that is definitely emotionally and physically draining. I’m looking to see what we can do to put the spark into our relationship– because the health problems are for life so we can’t just wait for this period to pass so we can revitalize our marriage.

    #727516 Reply
    Lianne
    Lianne

    What Kate said. I feel like with a roommate, you’re two people that live together and split bills. With SOs you have common goals and work toward them together. Major decisions are made jointly and you divide up household chores and make sure each feels like the other is appreciated. There are lots of hugs and I love yous and appreciation for what the other does to make your lives better. Now that we have kids it’s making it a point to schedule date nights and ensuring the relationship is still its own entity outside caring for the children.

    #729233 Reply
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    Heatherly
    Member

    I just read this & it made me think of your question, Sarah. You didn’t mention sex, but that one of major differences between room mate and lover. Also the “touched out” thing stuck a cord.

    http://www.rolereboot.org/sex-and-relationships/details/2017-12-dear-dana-im-6-months-postpartum-husband-wants-sex-dont/

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