Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Rude Aunt and Uncle?

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This topic contains 65 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by avatar carolann 4 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #693123 Reply
    Disrespected room-lender

    I know this isn’t about MY relationship but it does have to do with A relationship. My aunt and uncle have been staying at my house and at other family’s houses since they have been visiting from another country. When they stay at my house, I have to give up my room to allow them to sleep in my room. Usually, I try to get all my things out of my room the night before to be ready for school. One day however, I forgot my backpack and shoes in my room. Since I couldn’t go to school without them, I decided to go into my room quietly to get my stuff. Because it was early in the morning, I assumed they were sleeping and opened the door slowly. My door makes a small crack noise when it first opens and I think they heard it. When I walked in, they were not exactly in a position, as in one on top, or at least anymore but they were in a weird hug-type position from behind. They got really startled and my uncle quickly pulled my comforter over him. They said something like “are you going to school already” and “is it 8 already?” To probably try to avoid any questions. I pretended I didn’t see anything and quickly got my bag and left the room. I know that I basically let them borrow my room because my parents wouldn’t allow them to sleep in the living room, but I find it kind of disrespectful that they are having sex in my bed. My parents don’t know because I didn’t tell anyone except my friends at school, who also think it’s rude of them. I don’t know what to do or if I am even right to feel disrespected. I can’t tell my parents or siblings because I don’t really know what to say and I don’t think they can do anything about it. I doubt they would ask my aunt and uncle to stop doing that in my room because they would probably think I am overreacting or just not say anything. Plus, whenever my aunt is the only one that stays in my room, which is most of the time and I still sleep in the living room because I don’t like having her breathe down my neck, which apparently makes her feel bad that she is taking my room and tells my mom that she would rather leave and let me have my room back, but my mom tells her that she should stay and has me telling her that I like sleeping in the living room because the fan works. If she felt so sorry about taking my room, wouldn’t she respect my bed? Or am I just wrong and I shouldn’t think it’s disrespectful ?

    ~disrespected room-lender

    #693124 Reply

    If they were indeed having sex in your bed and not merely cuddling, this would indicate that, at that point in time, they prioritized having sex over preserving the purity of the bed of the dependent child in which they were sleeping. I don’t think we can say whether they disrespect you, only that maybe, at one point in time, they respected the opportunity to have sex more than they respected you. Hope that helps!

    #693125 Reply

    For a general rule(when two people who are in a relationship & sleeping in a room together), is to knock & state your purpose and enter when acknowledged. Always saves time & embarrassment.

    Yes it’s your room normally, but now they’re staying it. So sex happens. No disrespect or really anything you need to worry about. It’ll be a amusing thing in time.

    #693127 Reply

    I also don’t get where the disrespect comes into this. You do not need to preserve the virginity of your bed. The sheets will be changed when the guests leave.

    #693128 Reply

    Make sure those sheets are thoroughly laundered!

    #693129 Reply

    To answer your question, I understand why it’s upsetting to you to be displaced and lose your room. I wouldn’t have liked it all at seventeen and would have complained endlessly about it. But they are adults on a relationship on vacation together sharing a bed and that means sex. Gross aunt and uncle sex. I would try not to personalize it.

    Generally that’s advice I wish I had taken when I was your age. Most things have nothing to do with you and you shouldn’t try to see them as a sign of regard or lack thereof for you.

    #693131 Reply

    This is probably more about the kid feeling he/she has no choices. I remember as a teenager how infuriated I felt when my mom would unanimously decide that we were all going to do something, for example go to her boyfriend’s cottage, and I HATED going to the cottage soooo much, and I would feel so angry and hard done by. Yeah, I hated going, but I was even more angry that I had no choice but to do something I didn’t want to do.

    So my best guess is that’s what this is about. Kid doesn’t really want to give up his/her room, is told “too bad you have to because you’re the kid” and is therefore angry at auntie and uncle for just doing what people do.

    I get it. It fucking sucks to feel like your privacy and choices have been taken away from you (at least as an adult you can volunteer to give up your room in the spirit of being a good host, even if it’s convenient).

    But sorry to tell you, there’s not much you can do about it til you’re an adult paying your own rent. Same shit we all go through. It sucks, but it passes as you get older. Auntie and Uncle aren’t doing anything wrong. Like Ron said, the sheets will be changed and you’ll be fine.

    #693132 Reply

    even if it’s inconvenient***

    #693133 Reply

    Massive over reaction here. The worst offense was you not knocking before entering. Couples have sex. Sheets are washed. Your bed isn’t some sacred place.

    #693134 Reply

    I think the fact that your friends at school agree that it is rude and disrespectful may have more to do with the fact that it is an older couple than the sex itself. I get that you were trying to be considerate by not knocking, and I’m sure it was embarrassing for you to catch them unawares, but they really were’t doing anything wrong, and certainly there was no slight to your dignity intended.It is for young people a yucky fact of life, but adults, even relations, even what you think of as very old people indeed are probably having sex. That old lady on the bus? Sex. That ugly fart of a teacher? Him too. All of us, a lot of the time, and ESPECIALLY when we are on holiday. Don’t feel your Aunt and Uncle were meaning any disrepect to you, it would probably never enter their minds that it would upset you.

    #693136 Reply

    I wouldn’t want anybody having sex in my bed. It doesn’t really matter to me that the sheets can be washed. I would not have sex in someone else’s bed, and I guess I assume that guests have the ability to wait to have sex later on. That said, it’s not like they were purposely trying to disrespect you. They just decided to have sex and consider it to be fine to do it in whatever bed they happen to be using at the time.

    I would have had a hard time deciding whether to knock or not, too. Obviously, it’s probably best to err on the side of knocking, but it would also suck to wake them up just to get something out of the room if they were sleeping. But apparently, with them, you should always knock.

    One day you’ll have your own home and can choose how long visitors get to stay and where they sleep.

    #693137 Reply

    If it’s any consolation, your walking in on them probably means they’ll never do it in your again!

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