Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Sharing flat with brother prone to violent behaviour

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Sharing flat with brother prone to violent behaviour

This topic contains 9 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by avatar Northern Star 4 months ago.

Viewing 10 posts - 1 through 10 (of 10 total)
  • Author
  • #690831 Reply

    My brother and i own a flat, where we live and share. We don’t get along at all. Most of the time we completely ignore each other.

    We already have a long history of not getting along. Sometimes it’s difficult not raise the tone of the voice when we have to talk. We don’t respect eachother very much. When I address him, if i have to do it, it’s very difficult for me to do it in normal usual calm manner. I just can’t respect him, i can’t. I don’t like seeing him, i don’t like having him around.

    I don’t know where this animosity comes from exactly, but in my mind, the way i remember it (one of the reasons at least) when we were younger he would never hesitate to insult and humiliate me in front of our friends and other people. Something that he would do quite often without ever showing hesitation nor remorse.
    He has always been much more prone to physical violence that i was.

    A few months ago we had a fight, amidst the exchange of insults, he got physical. He threw an object at me, it wasn’t the first time (i can’t remember what kind of object, i think it hit my arm… memory not so clear) The next day I could barely stand up so intense was the pain in my foot. According to him i was using to much space in the living room, and i refused to move away with my things because, after all, the living room is also mine.

    Today he came to my room, wanted to talk to me because of some money that i should have given him a few weeks ago (a tiny amount…). I said i would give it to him tomorrow and i tried to shut the door. He stood on the door threshold so that i couldn’t close it. He threatened me with violent behaviour raising his hand at the same time.

    I’ve already talked to my father about this, but he always minimizes things. I’m actually affraid that one day he might throw an object and hit me in the head, or break my arm.

    Not sure what i should do. Go to the police?!

    P.S.: please don’t tell me that i should find a way of getting along because he’s my brother and we’re family and blablabla… I’m sick of hearing that.
    I don’t want to get along with him, i just don’t. We’ve passed the point of no return. I would love if he would simply disappear from my sight, forever.

    #690832 Reply

    Does the market allow you to sell the flat? Can you move out and rent your room?

    #690835 Reply

    You need to move out as quickly as possible. Stop asking your parents for help, you’re (presumably) an adult and you need to do what’s right for you, and they’ve made it clear they wont help. Rent out your room to a tenant and move out, sell your half to your brother, see if you can mutually agree to sell the flat together, or find some other way to get out. If he gets violent call the police.

    #690836 Reply

    You don’t remember what he threw at you? Was that because you were impaired by drugs or alcohol? Seems like that may be your first issue to address.

    And I mean, buying property with someone who never hesitated to insult and humiliate you? Your judgment in general is also an issue.

    Sounds like your best option is to move out, sublet your room, and rent something better suited to your lifestyle.

    #690837 Reply

    There’s only one answer here. You need to move out.

    How you accomplish that is for you to figure out. gave you some good suggestions.

    #690860 Reply

    Eh… you apparently YELL at somebody all the time. They once threw something at you — you don’t know what! — but it hit you in the arm… which then somehow caused pain in your foot?!
    Yeah… Sure… Whatever.

    #690881 Reply

    You’re not very good at this are you?

    Anyway, thanks a bunch

    #690887 Reply

    Well how are any of the options presented to you impossible?

    #690906 Reply

    I’m curious as to what other advice you thought you were going to get? You openly despise your brother (a feeling that seems to be mutual), you cannot stand the sight of him, you two are getting into violent confrontations and you admit you cannot talk to him in a calm manor. You explicitly stated you don’t want advice on getting along or forgiving him just because he’s family. It seems crystal clear to me, you can’t force other people to change so you have three choices: accept things as they are, move out, or try to change yourself to make things more bearable (i.e. speak to him calmly and with respect, do what he asks if he makes a reasonable request, pay him promptly if you owe him money, etc). I vote for #2. Move out, cut contact with him, problem sovled.

    #690948 Reply
    Northern Star

    Why would anyone offer different advice when the VERY OBVIOUS SOLUTION is staring us all in the face?

    Move out. Problem solved.

Viewing 10 posts - 1 through 10 (of 10 total)
Reply To: Sharing flat with brother prone to violent behaviour
Your information:

Comments on this entry are closed.