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She got with my bf's brother

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This topic contains 79 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by avatar golfer.gal 3 months ago.

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  • #685084 Reply
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    Sara

    We all live together me, my bf and my supposed friend so we are all quite close. Basically she sleeps around a lot and since being with my boyfriend she has got with 5 of his friends and he absolutely hates it when he’s with them and they talk shit about her. I stuck up for and said she’s just having fun she’s allowed to do what she wants. A couple of months back we went out with my bf’s brother and cousin and that night she was getting too close for comfort with his brother to the point where my bf and his cousin told me to get her away from him because it made them feel really uncomfortable and upset. His brother also said that she needs to stay away from him that night. She sent a ‘heartfelt’ apology to my bf the next day saying she will never do it again. Everything was good it was all forgotten but a couple of nights ago we went out with his brother again and he was very drunk and she was following him around the club like a lost puppy, It was weird and embarrassing. When we were on the bus back home we all got off at our stop except her, she decided to go back to his… knowing full well how upset my bf would be and how angry I would be. I feel like I’ve sort of been stabbed in the back in a way. On top of everything she and another friend both told me I should break up with my bf because we’re not right together bearing in mind I’m the happiest I have ever been since being with my bf, he doesn’t have a bad bone in his body and he treats me how any woman should be treated, I feel like this is one I’m going to get married to and grow old with. My other friend has since apologised and said he was completely out of line by saying that to me but she has never apologised to me about it and I think since then I’ve been questioning whether she’s a good friend to me. I guess what I’m looking for is advice on whether I’m right in being upset and angry over the situation or should I really try to forgive and forget? I have no idea if I’m just being petty and unreasonable but I feel like she has crossed a boundary…

    #685088 Reply
    juliecatharine
    Juliecatharine

    You’re setting a boundary you have no right to. If your boyfriend’s brother wants her to leave him alone he should tell her so. I love how she’s the problem but your boyfriend judging her sexual choices is dandy. It’s time to find a new living arrangement.

    #685090 Reply
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    Sara

    He has never judged her on her sexual choices ever. He is also friendly with her and felt like he’s lost trust in her since she got with his brother despite saying it was too weird and telling her to not go there for his sake

    #685091 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    So, your boyfriend is mad because he doesn’t want your friend to get involved with his brother? And the rest of you are mad on his behalf? I’m assuming because you guys have decided she’s a bad person for sleeping with more guys than you think she should and your boyfriend thinks what — his brother is too good for her?

    Unless I’m missing something, I think that you two are getting much more involved in his and her lives than you really need to be. I think it might be good for all of you to back off a little and focus on your own lives. If you feel that the living situation isn’t good anymore, then you should make arrangements to stop living with her.

    I am hesitant to say that a friend who tells you to break up with your boyfriend is a bad friend unless you know for a fact they are just saying it maliciously. It’s possible they honestly believe it and think they are giving you good advice. Regardless, you are also judging her for her sex life and seem to talk about her a lot, so I don’t think either of you are being stellar friends.

    ETA: Just saw your response. He doesn’t have a right to tell her who she can or can’t get involved with.

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by avatar dinoceros.
    #685094 Reply
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    Sara

    Okay I want to make it clear we do not think she is a bad person for sleeping around honestly we really don’t. It’s because it was his brother that he and I drew the line.

    #685096 Reply
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    Sara

    As well as that he has made it clear to me that his brother is no good when it comes to girls and didn’t want her to get the same treatment

    #685097 Reply
    juliecatharine
    Juliecatharine

    You said you had to stick up for her because he hates it when his friends (who have slept with her!) talk shit about her–sounds pretty judgy to me.

    #685098 Reply
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    Sara

    He hates it when they talk shit about her because he doesn’t like hearing them talk bad about her.

    #685099 Reply
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    Sara

    He has told them on many occasions not to speak about her like that.

    #685100 Reply
    juliecatharine
    Juliecatharine

    That’s good I guess. I don’t know what to tell you. Neither of you have the right to control who she goes after. If you don’t want to be friends with her because of it that’s your call.

    #685101 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom

    You don’t have the right to tell her who she can and can’t have sex with and the same for his brother. That is their decision and only theirs. What if they decided that it made them uncomfortable for you and your boyfriend to have sex? It is none of their business and whether they get together or not is none of your business. If they are both adults who can consent and neither is being coerced then leave them alone to do what they want.

    #685103 Reply
    redessa
    redessa
    Participant

    Your bf can tell her he’s uncomfortable with her seeing/dating/sleeping with his brother and ask her not to persue him, but neither of you has any business attempting to “draw the line.” Seeing as you all live together and not with parents, I’m going to assume you are adults and that his brother is too. In which case you cannot forbid two adults from getting involved with each other no matter how bad of an idea you think it is.

    You don’t have to like it, but it’s really none of your business. The same way your relationship is none of her business. She’s told you she thinks you should break up, but she doesn’t have any actual say in the matter. How you feel about the fact that she said it in the first place and whether you are willing to let it go (provided she’s said her peace and doesn’t keep harping on it) is up to you. Frankly though, as much as you’re judging her dating choices… you really shouldn’t dish out what you can’t take.

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