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Dear Wendy

Should I admit to a friend of being afraid of a girl

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Should I admit to a friend of being afraid of a girl

This topic contains 35 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by avatar Johnv 2 weeks, 5 days ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 36 total)
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  • #734645 Reply

    FWIW I wouldn’t look down on you or think of you differently at all. Her, on the other hand…I would think she was bat shit crazy *especially* if she brought it up years later with anything other than embarrassment and regret for her actions. Stay away and do your best to move on. I hope this doesn’t affect how you feel about yourself normally because you don’t deserve to be haunted by this. You really were in an impossible spot.

    #734646 Reply

    You know, maybe leave this “scared of a girl” thing in 2017. Women are strong and bad-ass and many of them are powerful athletes, fighters, soldiers, first responders, laborers, etc. Yeah, a lot of them could beat the crap out of you. So what? They almost always will leave you alone if you treat them with respect.

    That said, I would not advise going to a party where you’re pretty certain to get beaten up. If you think she will, I’d make an excuse and not go. If you think she would just bring it up to humiliate you, you could go if you think you can keep your shit together. Be like, “yeah, Ally, you got me. Beer?” If she wants to “take it outside,” just be like, “yeah, no.”

    But again, if you think she’ll just jump you and beat the shit out of you, and no one would intervene, maybe sit this one out.

    #734658 Reply

    That’s what I’m afraid of the most overall is getting the shit kicked out of me again. Not certain how it will go down, she might not try anything but I’m not certain i should chance it. As for worrying about being ashamed for being scared of a girl” I was thinking the same way maybe it’s not as big a deal as it once was because of for a lot of the reasons you stated. Society standards have definitely changed in the last handful of years & like you said there’s probably plenty more who could beat the crap out of me or even my friends too.

    #734742 Reply

    Chiming in late…too late for the event but the other way to get around this is to get in front of it. If you are at an event with her in the future, you can walk up to her and put up a defensive mode and jovially say “No beat downs tonight ok?” and if anyone asks, you say “Oh yeah, she kicked my ass in middle school and she could probably do it again now!” That way you show you’re not intimidated by her (even if you are in reality) and you cop to the situation so that no one holds it over you “Yeah, she got mad at me and whooped me. You do not want to mess with her. Seriously!”

    Then just let it go as best you can. If any guys get all “bro-y” you say “Dude, what, I’m going to hit a girl? You hit a girl and you’re a dick. You let a girl hit you and you’re a wimp. It’s a lose lose and I’d rather not have an assault charge.”

    #734827 Reply

    No not late for the event, still a couple weeks away yet. Ha That’s not a bad strategy at all especially if there’s no way of avoiding her. I just hope I’d be able to stay that cool & relaxed around her to be able to act that way. I think my nerves would get the better of me.
    Because I remember not long after she beat me up, I was in a Arbys eating lunch & there was a few girls talking in the parking lot outside talking & I’m pretty sure she was one of them, & I remember feeling scared & a nervous wreck & ended up staying in there for almost a hour until they left that’s how intimidated I was! thanks for the advice though, still not sure what I’m gonna do just yet.

    #734928 Reply

    Go to the party but bring some mace. If she wants to make herself look bad and brag about being a bully, that’s one thing. Your response is yeah, I don’t beat up girls. If she wants to fight you again, you can mace her in the face as protection! That’s why it is invented! You wouldn’t be beating up a girl. Just protecting yourself. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me!

    #734973 Reply
    Northern Star

    This girl is a total asshole. I can understand why you are afraid of her, and you are wise to keep your distance.

    I definitely agree that you can lie to your friends about what happened (“I couldn’t make myself fight back because she’s a girl”). That can also explain why you avoid her now and why you’ll want to avoid her at the party.

    #735008 Reply

    Lol I guess I could try mace, but she’d probably land 2 punches or have me shoved to the floor by the time got the mace out. As for lying to my friends & saying I didn’t fight back, I think she’d strongly call me out on that & make everyone aware that I did. It might even make her want to beat me up again even more just so she could prove it front of more people this time. I’d probably be better off just admitting what happened right away. Plus I’m not sure my friends would believe I’d just let somone beat me up without fighting back.
    Thanks for the input though. I think I might just avoid going, but eventually they’re gonna find out one way or another since Ally is friends with my friends cousin.

    #736013 Reply

    Wow it sounds like she really did a number on you, if your still this rattled almost 3 years later. If it’s really eating at you, and you think they’ll find out anyway, maybe you should just tell your new friends about it. You might feel better getting it off your chest and between you and them go from there and decide what you should do. I wouldn’t worry over what they’d think of you because of the fact she’s a girl that beat you up. leave the ego aside. I think they’ll understand if you explain to them what happen and why you are afraid to go, because it sounds like it was a bit of a traumatic thing to you.

    #736139 Reply

    It was traumatic for awhile. Especially for the first week or so because i was worried some of my ribs were cracked or broken. It’s getting close only a few days away. I’m still undecided at what I’m gonna do. Part of me wants to tell them about it just to get it over with like you said, but I chicken out whenever I get the chance to. Thanks April!

    #736239 Reply

    You certainly do not have to go if you think there’s a good chance you might get beaten up, or you know you are going to be miserable. However, I think that you might be better to go to the party and face meeting Ally and dealing with the story of the beating, especially if you think you are going to continue to run into Ally from time to time.
    I don’t know for sure, but there is a good chance that in your mind you are making a bigger deal out of this than it is. This happened three years ago and it is likely not a big deal to Ally any more. I find it difficult to believe that if you stay away from her as much as possible and treat it as no big deal, she will attack you without provocation in the middle of a big teen party (and, if she does, that everyone else will just let it happen and not break it up immediately).
    I don’t know how old you are but there is a good chance that both of you have grown up quite a bit since the fight. (If you guys were 14 and you are 17 now, then a lot has changed, even more if you were 12 and are now 15). Ally may feel a little embarrassed about having gone after someone and beaten them up badly because they accidentally injured her during a sports game. If she doesn’t, she should – it might be useful to remember that what Ally did was wrong and she is the one that should be ashamed of it, not you. I think, if it is raised, the best thing to do is to matter-of-factly acknowledge it as Lisforleslie suggested. I wouldn’t try to suggest that you held back because she was a girl: it isn’t true, it might provoke Ally and, as Kate says, these days it shouldn’t be a big deal anyway. We all know that there are many girls out there who could kick most guys’ asses. Good luck! And remember you get to control what you do, not anyone else.

    #736251 Reply

    Thanks I was thinking that myself a lot lately that I might be making to big of a deal about it then I should, & she might actually feel bad about it by now because she left me pretty messed up by the time she was done with me. I was 15 at the time, she’s around the same age give or take a few months. Today I brought up to my friend “who’s your cousin bringing with her again? He said “two of her good friends they’re both really hot/good looking” because she sent him pics of them recently, & I just thought to myself and said “Oh yeah great,& one of them dismantled me once” So now if I tell him what happened I also have the stigma of that I got beat up by a girl who he thinks is extremely pretty. Lol (which she is from what I can remember) Im thinkng I will go just to deal with it and get it over with. Possibly even tell them about it before arriving to it.

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