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Should I admit to a friend of being afraid of a girl

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Should I admit to a friend of being afraid of a girl

This topic contains 35 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by avatar Johnv 2 weeks, 5 days ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 25 through 36 (of 36 total)
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  • #736273 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    Unless this is a quiet dinner party, you should be able to avoid her most of the night. I say get ahead of it, do your best to laugh it off and take the self-deprecating route. Most teenage girls want to be seen as strong, but not “beat up people” tough. So it’s unlikely that she’ll attack you at the party unless you threaten her or say that she couldn’t give a repeat performance.

    However, you have to do what is best for you. I don’t know if I would have the same advice if the genders were reversed so I’m trying to not fall into a double standard. Still, if if it were guy/guy or girl/girl I think I would give the same advice.

    #736288 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    OK, so I’m trying to picture how this goes down. Fun party, bunch of 18-year-olds hanging out at this house. This girl walks in, all dressed up in her cute party dress and heels, spots you from across the rooms, says “Hey, that’s the guy I beat up when I was 15 because I thought he hit me in the face with a ball! I must beat him up again!”, races across the room and attacks you.

    That’s pretty out-of-character behavior for an 18 year old girl, who’s probably coming to the party hoping there’ll be some cute guys there that she can impress. Unless she’s actually severely mentally ill.

    Just for the sake of argument, let’s say she is severely disturbed. And she jumps you at the party. What happens then? Do you think everyone will stand around and watch her beat you to a pulp? No. She’ll be immediately pulled off and told to get the hell out of the house by the very angry host, while everyone goes off and gossips about what the heck is wrong with Ally, and silently vows to never invite her to ANYTHING because she’s nuts.

    My point here is if she tries anything at the party, it’s going to be HER that people are laughing at and gossiping about. Not you.

    It’s understandable that it was VERY upsetting to be attacked and beaten by someone, girl or not. But three years in teenager time is like, forever, and she may barely even remember having done it, while you’re consumed by it and afraid to even go to a party. I think you’re overthinking the situation, a lot.

    I would go. You’re gonna be with a lot of people who are not going to let her beat you up. And you will feel SO MUCH BETTER once you get through this and see that you don’t have to worry about it anymore. Whereas if you stay home, you’ll keep feeling scared and embarrassed and miserable.

    If she really is dangerously disturbed and she’s got a history of violence beyond middle school fights, and it is a small town, trust me, EVERYONE knows about it, and I doubt she’s getting invited to a lot of parties. She never attacked you again, right? Didn’t harass you on social media, or follow you around school threatening you? Did she attack other people since then, or show other signs of violent behavior? If not, I truly don’t think you have anything to worry about.

    If you just can’t bring yourself to go, I would consider talking to a therapist who can help you process what happened to you, and help you move through it.

    #736297 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Wait a sec, why are we assuming she’d be in a party dress and heels as opposed to, say, jeans and boots? How do we know she likes boys?

    #736301 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    Ha, good points, Kate! 🙂

    I just had this mental picture of a girl in a super-cute dress and heels flying across a room and putting a guy in a headlock.

    #736321 Reply
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    Johnv

    Ha She did have jeans on the day she beat me up. I got a all to agonizing close up view of them. (Girls jeans though I’M pretty sure she’s straight) I don’t think she’s mentally disturbed or anything like that, just maybe short tempered. After the fight i never really saw her much because I moved away a couple months later in August. So she never had the chance to follow up or intimidate afterwards. I remember after the fight though her telling her friend Amanda that was there “I bet you could kick his ass too” or something like that as they were walking away. The more i think about it I think the fight was a one & done situation & she likely wouldn’t have done anything else. (I don’t know that for sure though) I do think I’m going to go to the party though about 70% certain. Like you said Essie I’ll probably feel so much better to get it over with & deal with it. Like you said it’s probably unlikely she’d want to start anything after all this time anyway. Still a bit concerned how my friends will react to it?

    #736347 Reply
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    april

    Dude just man up and tell your friend what happend before you worry yourself sick over it. At least that way you’ll have one part of the situation out in the open and over with. There’s nothing wrong with losing a fight to a girl and no shame in being afraid of her because of it. It doesn’t matter how “hot ” or “pretty they are either! Like many of the posters here have said it’s no big deal anymore anyway. There’s plenty of girls who can kick a lot of guys asses. This isn’t the 1950s girls are way more badass then ever before and aren’t expected to be looked upon as they might have been before in the past.
    Take Scarlett Johansson for example. She could probably kick you and one of your friends ass at the same time anyday of the week all year long! Especially with all the training she must have to make all those action flicks. Pretty enough for ya? I’m being sarcastic but only kinda sorta. You get what I mean anyways.
    So good luck and I echo the comments of ” don’t worry what others will think of you!”

    #736671 Reply
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    Johnv

    Thanks everyone for the advice! It went way better than I thought & yes my friends didn’t treat me any different once I told them on the way to the party they were more in awe or shock. It was awkward once we got there because it took almost a hour before it got brought up by anyone. Once it did there was some kids that sort of laughed & teased me about it, but not to bad.
    They were more impressed with her & asking us everything about it. Even Ally didn’t brag much about it. She even said jokingly “you better watch it I might need to take you out back later for round 2” even though she was joking I still felt the nervousness come over me for a minute! (Because she sounded like she was only half joking but I think that’s just me freaking out inside) So yeah it really wasnt all that big a deal for the most part. Other than my friends asking me how “tough was she” & stuff on the way home they haven’t really treated me differently in any way at all. Thank again!

    #736810 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    That is really good to hear. I’m glad that your friends supported to you and that you were able to manage this really well.

    #737289 Reply
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    Johnv

    Thanks Lisforleslie! Thanks to you & everyone I ended up going. Not sure I would have otherwise. It really is cool how nobody made a big deal about it.

    #737594 Reply
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    Danel1123
    Member

    Glad it went ok for you. Word of advice, stay away from her. What she got mad about would be like a football player picking a fight with the linebacker that tackled them.
    Glad everything went good bud!

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 6 days ago by avatar Danel1123.
    #737608 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    I’m glad it worked out.

    She may have reached a point where she is embarrassed about what happened.

    #737754 Reply
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    Johnv

    Thanks Skyblossom & Danel. I didn’t get the feeling she seemed embarrassed much about it. She explained that she thought I was trying to hit her on purpose with the ball, because she said I apparently came close before numerous times in gym class to hitting her in the head or face whenever we played dodge ball. I told her if I did it wasn’t intentionally. It’s a fast paced game. I’ll say though when everyone was asking every detail about the fight she kinda down played it a little bit. The only thing she really sort of gloated about was how she still has a scar on one of her knuckles from when she was pounding me into the ground lol.
    Other than that she didn’t go into to much details because I think she could see how uncomfortable it was making me. Because if she wanted to she could of really told everybody just how badly she beat me up.

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