Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

“Should I Let Him Take Another Woman For a Night?”

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice “Should I Let Him Take Another Woman For a Night?”

This topic contains 4 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by Skyblossom Skyblossom 3 weeks, 5 days ago.

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  • #727188 Reply
    Dear Wendy
    Dear Wendy
    Keymaster

    From a LW:

    I’ve been with my fiance for 8 years and we’ve been through a lot but I’ve come to realize he is wanting to venture out and I’ve caught him in chats and sending pictures and having profiles. So, I’ve decided I would like to find a woman that would take him for one night doing whatever it is they decide to do in that time period. I’ve had enough and I need to see and know if it will go/ turn out as he would think. and in the end it will help me too.

    #727191 Reply
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    Heatherly
    Member

    Oh God! “I know, let’s take this thing that isn’t working and add more people to it!”(Captain Awkward) Sigh… No, just Move On Already to someone who isn’t trying to cheat. Your fiancé didn’t come to you & say: I really need to either break up for awhile to explore or for us to open up the relationship. In which case, you can decide if it’s for you or not. You caught him trying to cyber cheat & now you hope this one time exploration will fix the problem. No. He’s the problem. And another person will make it worse. It then won’t be just the once & will mostly likelihood hidden from you or worse rubbed in your face. Dump him & find someone who actually loves, respects & wants a good relationship with you.

    #727195 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    I don’t understand. Why do you think finding someone for him to cheat with would help? This isn’t something that someone just gets out of their system. If this is the kind of thing he does, then he’s still going to chat with other women after he hooks up with somebody. And I don’t know what kind of consequences you seem to think he’s going to have to prove to him it’s a bad idea. Plenty of people cheat and enjoy it, so why do you think he’s going to have a bad time?

    #727197 Reply
    juliecatharine
    Juliecatharine

    Noooo just no. He sneaks around cheating or trying to and your solution is to facilitate that for him? Wow. That is taking door mat to a whole other level. You should really talk to a therapist to find out why you think you deserve so little from a man. Please don’t marry him.

    #727210 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    Break up. Finding him another woman won’t help your relationship. It will give him the green light to openly pursue other women. If he loves chasing other women he will continue to chase other women. He will find that it validates his desirability so his self-esteem or he will do it for the excitement of the chase or for novelty or to fill some other deep need that eats away at him. You can’t fix him. This is all about him all of the time. This is his self-absorption and his lack of empathy. You can’t fix that or fill the void that exists in him. The one thing you can do is leave it all behind to save yourself a lifetime of anguish.

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