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“Should I Move or Stay?”

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This topic contains 27 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by avatar LisforLeslie 2 months, 3 weeks ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 28 total)
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  • #686051 Reply
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    The LW

    Also the reason his friends don’t like me/include me is a whole other can of worms

    #689772 Reply
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    Marcone Faria

    Dear LW,
    I think you should give some time to this relationship. Go to Ireland during your vacation, visit your parents, stay as long as you feel necessary.
    Then go home and try a couples therapy to try to save your relationship. Try also open up to it by telling you what you think of your friends.
    Try also meeting new people, sometimes you know someone who does you good and accepts you as you are, after all, you should not ignore your family because of him.
    In addition, he does not seem very supportive of his decisions, and this is extremely important for relationships that can last in the long run.
    Reflect a little and open up for him, who knows you do not reach consensus?

    I hope I helped you, take care of yourself!
    Bye Bye, Marcone.

    #689779 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    I think his friends disliking you is more or less irrelevant here. You won’t be happy living where you are now long-term. He won’t be happy moving closer to where you’re from long-term. You’re fundamentally incompatible, in my opinion, especially because he doesn’t sound willing to compromise on anything (e.g., moving to a halfway point that would satisfy both of your needs). Take the job and lose the guy!

    #690189 Reply
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    Gabriel Matos

    Dear LW,
    You’re in an undecided state, but have stopped to think that you will make efforts to stay with your boyfriend and he’s simply not making any effort. Your boyfriend should have a bit more
    comprehensive, but as one of the problems mentioned, your boyfriend seems to be more interested in staying where he is than going with your company. So, my advice is that you review these issues with your boyfriend and tell him to took in consideration your point of view as well. Should gives you more importance that you have and that his and her, because are fundamental to a good relationship, OK.
    Also, try to see if your relationship with the friends of your love can’t be improved, this would make things much easier and enter the conversation to solve your problem. If he realizes your effort and sees that he really has no way of having a friendly relationship, he can take on consideration setting aside these friends or even going with you to the desired place. Look also at the issues of your work and try to keep your economic life, okay. You are in a stage of the decision of your life for those who know more in the future to have a family. The decision to choose to stay with your boyfriend or go home and have a fresh start is yours, but take fairly into consideration that your future is at stake and the conversation with your boyfriend and his friends is the best way.
    Gabriel Matos 3Th B

    #690223 Reply
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    Dalben

    What will have changed in 3 months? He will still be the same person with the same friends and the same relationship issues between you two only it wil be three months later. If this is an overall good relationship, with some difficulties like everyone experience, then take a vacation for a week or two and come back and work on your problems. If you two are mutually incompatible as long term partners then moving to Ireland for three months is just a way of easing into the break up. That’s probably why (or at least part of the reason) he won’t do three months apart, because he knows if he does that you won’t be coming back to him even if you come back to England. I can understand easing into it that way since breaking up is hard, but overall you’re better off just doing it right away so you can get on with your life sooner.

    I could see going on vacation for a week or two to feel better but if you actually want to save the relationship you need to work on saving it, not run away from it. I agree with the other posters that it doesn’t sound worth saving, but it’s possible that there’s a lot more positive to the relationship that isn’t apparent from a paragraph or two written on the internet.

    Assuming for the sake of argument that the relationship is worth keeping it’s no more valid for you to say you want to live in Ireland near your family than for him to say he wants to live in England near his own family and friends and where he met you and has a job and life already. However, the bigger issue is that if yo were to get married (or the equivalent) you’d be forming a new family unit and where to live would be based on what is best for the whole family, maybe England, maybe Ireland, maybe somewhere else entirely. Even if you were both open to living in different places depending on circumstances it seems like it would be very hard to negotiate where to try to live. You say you won’t be happy settling permanently in England and he is apparently adamant about not leaving so there isn’t any room for negotiation or compromise or we’ll stay here, but might move if circumstances dictate so you might as well just break up.

    #690351 Reply
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    Juliana Ribeiro

    Dear L.W.,
    I think you should continue living with your boyfriend, because if you really love, love will win. We all go through difficult moments in relationships, but we can not give up. I understand that your parents are very important to you, but you have to go ahead with the life, you will visit them and you can spend every vacation with them. Now for you boyfriend’s friends, I advice you to have a conversation withy them, but now with your boyfriend. They will need to understand what are goigo through. Your boyfriend and you will need to be very patient and understanding in this delicate moment. I hope you can get over it and be happy! Good luck!

    Juliana Ribeiro

    #690353 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    “If you really love, love will win.”

    This is the worst relationship advice I’ve ever read.

    #690362 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    Love isn’t enough to make a relationship work. You can end up trapped in a miserable life by thinking love will solve everything. It is great to have but it is only one of many things needed to make a relationship work. Your relationship isn’t working. Ask yourself what needs to change to make it work for both of you. Can you see that change happening? If not you need to break up.

    #690365 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    I know there are different avatars, but is this the same person who is posting bad advice in a letter form (dear so and so… I hope XYZ happens) on a bunch of forum posts?

    #690528 Reply
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    Leslie Joan

    Short answer: take the job. Ditch the guy. You two are clearly not compatible. Whatever the issue is with his friends, it is a constant source of argument between you two. You can *say* that he’ll always choose you, but I don’t see him choosing you at all: quite the opposite. You want different things, and the longer you spend together the worse it’s going to get.

    Yes, it will hurt for awhile. But it will free you up to live an authentic life closer to your family, with someone who REALLY chooses you instead of having his life programmed by his friends.

    Ignore the advice from anyone who who says that “love always wins out.” What a bunch of crap. Love alone is just plain not enough. Or as I like to say, love and $1.50 will get you a cup of coffee.

    #690905 Reply
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    Marina

    Dear L.W,

    You are still young, your relationship is recent and both still have much to live, learn and know. The relationship is filled with positives and negatives, it is up to you to evaluate your degree of satisfaction, satisfaction, tranquility, safety and especially your life expectancies for the future.

    Regardless of being with him, you will always be loved by your family, and besides, I believe your professional background will open many doors for you. I believe that there is always a new beginning, a new meeting, anyway. . . A new love. If you consider it important, give yourself this time, being open to new achievements, for even if you initially suffer, it may do you good.

    A hug, Marina

    #690915 Reply
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    Marina

    Dear L.W, You are still young, your relationship is recent and both still have much to live, learn and know. The relationship is filled with positives and negatives, it is up to you to evaluate your degree of satisfaction, satisfaction, tranquility, safety and especially your life expectancies for the future. Regardless of being with him, you will always be loved by your family, and besides, I believe your professional background will open many doors for you. I believe that there is always a new beginning, a new encounter, a new learning. . . A new love. Give yourself this time, and try to remember the reasons that made you go to England and be open to new conquests, for even if you initially suffer, it may do you good. A hug, Marina.

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