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Should i tell a woman her bf is talking bad about her kids?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Should i tell a woman her bf is talking bad about her kids?

This topic contains 13 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by FireStar Firestar 3 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #681805 Reply
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    Meg

    I should start off by saying I don’t know ether the man or the woman in this situation very well.
    I work with a guy I’ll call Tommy. Tommy is due to marry a woman in May, I’ll call her Tina. Tina has three teenage daughters from a previous marriage. Tommy and Tina live together with her kids. Tommy is constantly saying a lot of nasty rude things about his future step daughters. Calling them sluts, bitches and c***s. I know teenage girls are difficult but I don’t see a need to be so rude. I know that if the man I planned to marry was saying such awful things about my kids behind my back I’d want to know! It’s none of my business but I’m very tempted to contact Tina and tell her the things Tommy has said. What should I do? Do I tell Tina or mind my own?

    #681816 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    I have conflicting thoughts on this… Unfortunately, not knowing Tina very well she simply might not believe you. He can easily spin this as you being some batshitcrazy psycho who is obsessed with him… and simply trying to stir up trouble. I know you aren’t — but will she?
    .
    That said — If this possible fallout doesn’t phase you. SPEAK UP. Really. What do you have to lose?

    #681817 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Then again — you work with this person? Yikes…

    #681818 Reply

    What Mark said.

    If I was Tina, you better believe I’d want to know. I can’t even with that language in reference to young girls.
    Teenagers can be so hard to deal with, but FFS. This makes me mad to even hear it.

    #681819 Reply
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    RedRoverRedRover

    Can you somehow record him saying this stuff and then send her the recording anonymously? That would be the best way if it’s possible. Then she gets the info but you’re out of it.

    #681820 Reply

    Wow, RR for the win! That’s a great idea.

    #681832 Reply
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    Fyodor

    Recording people without their knowledge is a crime in some states. And if she confronts him with the recording he’ll probably be able to figure out who sent it.

    I would stay away from this. If he’s saying these things around you then he is saying it around lots of other people. It’s gotten back to her one way or another already. You don’t know these people and unless you think that he’s a danger to the kids you should butt out.

    #681833 Reply
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    Fyodor

    Well,recording people where they have an expectation of privacy is a crime. If he’s screaming it on the street it might be different. But I am assuming that he’s grumbling around the office or something.

    #681834 Reply
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    Fyodor

    Some states only require one party to consent to the recording. But even of it turns out to be legal, I would stay away

    #681842 Reply
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    Ange

    I can’t imagine a scenario where a man is talking like that about these girls elsewhere and it’s not bleeding into their home life in some manner. Tina probably has an idea of how this guy feels about her daughters and has decided to marry him anyway, or at the very least has decided to marry a man who must seem frustrated and unhappy a lot. She’s inviting it in already, I don’t know that I’d get involved.

    #681854 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    If a guy is talking about teenage girls at work and calling them bitches, c-words, and sluts, I’d tell his boss and HR. That’s awful for the working environment. But if you don’t want to, or can’t, pull that off, or if you feel like the repercussions could be too dangerous for you, it’s your call.

    I think if you told Tina, she might no believe it, and it’s possible Tom could get YOU in trouble at work somehow for talking about personnel stuff to his S/O.

    Maybe just do it from home, from an anon email address, explain that you need to protect yourself by being anonymous, but give her enough detail that it would be hard to doubt your story. That way you’ve done your part by warning her, and not put yourself in danger.

    #681857 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Although, I guess, how would you know her email address, and it’s best to stay out of co-workers’ personal lives.

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