Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Supporting someone grieving when abroad

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by avatar Ange 2 weeks, 3 days ago.

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  • #727996 Reply
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    Emily

    So iv recently moved country for work my boyfriend is suppose to follow me in the new year. His nan passed away over the weekend and he informed me of this through text message. I have tried contacting him to offer my support because i wouldnt make the funeral with being so far away and he has ignored my messages, calls everything. I understand hes grieving but we are going out 5 years i taught he would want to talk to me about how hes feeling. Am i being selfish thinking about why he wouldnt want to talk to me during this time?

    #728002 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    Yes, sorry but you are being selfish. The loss is HIS. This is not about you. At all. You’ve reached out to him. The ball is in court. He’s helping his mom or dad, any aunts, uncles or others who miss nan. He’s helping manage details, greeting guests who have stopped by with casseroles. He’s drinking with his cousins remembering their nan.

    I can not stress enough that making this about you is incredibly selfish and awful. If someone did that to me when my dad died, I would have been furious with them. Furious.

    #728005 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    Yes, you are being selfish. You can support him from so far away by not making his grief about you.

    #728117 Reply
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    Emily

    Okay… I don’t mean to be making his grief about me that’s not my intention I’m just not sure how I can support him if he won’t talk to me so have ye any advice for what I can do? I’ve sent sympathy cards to his family and flowers to the grave! I’m just out of my depth here and not sure what to do.

    #728130 Reply
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    Ange

    It sounds like you have done plenty already and the flowers and card were a nice touch. I think now just leave it be, *maybe* just send one last message saying you’re sorry if you bothered him, you love him and you’ll be waiting if he wants to talk and leave it there.

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