- January 10, 2017 at 4:46 pm #668328
Well Four-Leaf-Clover, at least I prompted you to say something positive about one of his girls. You hadn’t done that prior to the last post. So, that’s at least some progress. And I hope you realize that there is a big difference between your not-quite divorce and your bf’s not quite divorce — you don’t have kids; he has kids. You and he are creating a bad environment for his kids.
I hadn’t referred to your position that bf should take away the tablets, although now that you mention it, I’ll add that 1) it’s really none of your business and 2) it’s possible that the excessive tablet use is concentrated during your visits and is a way to block out your presence as much as possible.
Whatever the circumstances surrounding your making mashed potatoes with sour cream, a young child not liking the mashed potatoes and voicing that dislike is neither a personal attack upon you or disrespect. In reading letters, when a writer says ‘his children regularly disrespect me’ and then give an example of disrespect, I assume they are presenting the instance which best makes their case. If the complaint about the mashed potatoes is the best you’ve got, then you haven’t been disrespected at all.
You say that you and bf agree about his children having behavioral issues. But your erased initial post and the follow-ups were literally chock-a-block with your disagreements about how he was parenting.January 10, 2017 at 4:46 pm #668329
How nice for you. Of course you see things your way. NEWSFLASH: the rest of the world probably doesn’t. If a marriage is fucking over — so much so that you and banging somebody else and routinely fucking up his relationship with his kids… sign the fucking papers. Be a grown up. Something that seems wildly out of favor these days…
Wake up! You seem way less into taking the kids into consideration than you do about ordering them to do exactly what is most convenient for you. Trust me, you won’t win any step-parenting awards for that.January 10, 2017 at 4:54 pm #668330
You don’t see a difference between being separated and being divorced? Here’s the difference: You are screwing a man who is still married to the mother of his kids.
Gee, why in the world aren’t those kids totally onboard, I wonder?
Also, if you don’t like or respect his children, I see no reason why they should like or respect you.January 10, 2017 at 4:55 pm #668331
Ron and bittergaymark, I have no words, your posts are really quite ludicrous and bitter.January 10, 2017 at 4:57 pm #668332
Legally separated is not the same as being married. I do like and respect his children which is why I am trying to figure all of this out. Wow people!!January 10, 2017 at 5:00 pm #668333
Of course you have no words.
It’s hard to be confronted with the truth.
You need to take a step back and reassess your behavior here.
Something you seem utterly unwilling to do.January 10, 2017 at 5:01 pm #668335
For starters, try cutting the kids a little slack. And stop making every little petty disagreement — MASHED POTATOES! — about you.January 10, 2017 at 5:06 pm #668337
To be fair,the person who should be criticized the most is the boyfriend in all this. His kids,his responsibility…January 10, 2017 at 5:16 pm #668338
If things don’t improv — yeah. He definitely needs to reassess their relationship to be sure.January 10, 2017 at 5:33 pm #668340
And his parenting skillsJanuary 10, 2017 at 5:38 pm #668344
Honestly? I don’t think his parenting skills are very well explored in this thread at all. (What do we know, really?) And given the LW constantly edits and or deletes each and every update of hers — she comes across as knowing that she is clearly in the wrong here.January 10, 2017 at 5:51 pm #668347
Leah — I’m not convinced bf has awful parenting skills. As Kate commented earlier, at the least the LW can be said to be way on the strict side of the lenient-to-strict opinion scale of how to parent. That she disagrees with her bf’s approach does not mean bf is wrong. That at least one of the girls has some very serious problems like holes in wall, does not mean the bf’s parenting is bad. The holes were in the girl’s mother’s wall, not the bf’s and the girls seem to be living in a very confusing wonderland since their parents decided to split.
LW — Yes, you are correct that you need to back off. If I were you, I wouldn’t visit bf while his daughters are there. The conflict between your and your bf’s preferred parenting style cannot help the situation, nor can your belief the kids disrespect you and are spoiled. Your feelings are just another unnecessary ingredient in an already difficult stew. At this point, your views on what these girls need and how they should be parented are utterly irrelevant.
It is up to your bf and his ex to make the breakup of the girls’s family as non-traumatic as possible. That means they must work together to have a smooth transition from week to week as they exchange custody. Not simply a conflict-free exchange, but as much similarity as possible in rules and how they are treated as they move from home to home. This is a lot of negotiating for your bf and his ex, but if they both have their children’s best interests at heart, they must and will do this. They need to agree upon and get counseling for the troubled girl. All of this is something your bf and his ex need to accomplish together. You have no role in this process. These are not your children and you have no formal or legal relationship to them. You are their father’s current gf who sees them a day or two a week more than she ought to.
Divorce is very hard on children. Changing homes every week is exceptionally hard following a divorce. Having your parents’ divorce drag on and on, as you hope for reconciliation, and as Dad introduces a new mommy who has severe expectations for your behavior, just seems inhumanly rough.
This isn’t your problem and you are a major impediment to a solution. You need to back off. YOung kids should not have to adjust to two different homes, one of which contains a new gf for one or two of the days of your weekly visit. Dad’s time should not be split between kids and gf, with gf very obviously feeling cheated and disrespected. That’s just a recipe for disaster.