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Terrible first date

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This topic contains 30 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by avatar LisforLeslie 1 week, 5 days ago.

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  • #725916 Reply
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    Eric

    So there’s this girl, and quite a while ago i noticed she fancied me. After some time i decided to ask her out.
    After trying for some time to come up with a suitable day for the both of us (she’s always busy on weekends) we finally came up with a date. We were supposed to meet for coffee late in the afternoon.

    One hour before we were supposed to meet, she sent me a message saying i should stop by her place instead because she was there with some friends (common friends of ours). After so many postponning and finally getting a date, i got disappointed and demoralised.

    I went home instead, without answering her. When i arrived, i got 4 messages from her. She was being so insisting that i answered and decided to go to her flat, where, according to her we were supposed to have dinner, but instead of dinner, there was chocolate and bicuits.

    Around midnight or one a.m. they were leaving for this birthday party or something, i said i shouldn’t go because i’d have to wake up for work the next day. I saw in her face she wasn’t pleased with my answer, so i gave in and went with them.

    When we got there, i tried to do what you’re supposed to do on a date: chat, getting to know each other a bit better, etc… She didn’t seem much engaged though.

    When we left, for a bit, i was walking right next to her, and trying to make conversation. Again, she didn’t seem much engaged. After, i noticed she was holding hands with another friend of ours. I don’t think they were ”romantically” holding hands since he has a girlfriend of his own already. But i thought it to be really weird.

    I detached myself completely, and joined another guy, friend of ours as well, who was walking alone a bit ahead of us, and completely ignored them both. And so i went home chating with this other guy without paying any attention to them.

    Then when we got to my place, i just said goodbye to everyone.
    To the girl a simple ‘bye’ and the usual kiss on the cheek, without anything else, no other words, nothing.
    THE END

    I wanted to share this with someone. If you have any thoughts, i would be glad to listen to them. Thank you.

    #725920 Reply
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    Heatherly
    Member

    Yep. Not good at all. Sorry, bad dates can be really demoralising. I had many of those too. But I’ve learnt the hard way, that dating needs to be about equal amounts of effort on both sides of people involved and actions speak a lot louder then words. If it’s to hard to set up a date, then move on. I recommend for next time a date bails/ delays or wants you to bend over backwards, that you politely decline and leave. You had the right instincts to bail, but you instead were allowing her to guilt you into staying. Your time and effort are worth are worth something. Keep your boundaries and don’t waste time on those who don’t respect them.

    Now be strictly colleagues with her & look elsewhere.

    #725921 Reply
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    Eric

    Honestly, i think she’s interested in me, but she’s clumsy as hell! And thoughtless, unconscious of what is appropriate and what isn’t.

    Anyway, het behaviour was a real turn off, even when i really feel she has feelings for me.

    But i think that if she can’t handle a first date, she won’t know how to handle a romantic relationship either.

    #725922 Reply
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    Boo Berry Waffles

    Sometimes something seems like it should work on paper but just doesn’t. It doesn’t sound like you guys are a match and that’s fine. That’s the point of going on dates.

    I think one of the best (and most stressful) parts of dating isn’t so much figuring out what you want but solidifying what you don’t want and what you’d be willing to tolerate in a relationship. It doesn’t sound like you guys have what each other needs/wants.

    #725924 Reply
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    Eric

    I agree. I don’t think we have that thing people call ‘chemistry’.

    #725926 Reply
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    Ale
    Member

    I posted earlier, don’t know what happened.
    Anyways, did she know it was a romantic date beforehand? You say you have friends in common, so could it be that she thinks you wanted to hang out as friends?

    #725927 Reply
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    Eric

    I’m pretty sure she knew….

    #725928 Reply
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    Ale
    Member

    How? Did you tell her?

    #725929 Reply
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    Eric

    oh for god sake, she knew alright?

    #725930 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    Eric, if you didn’t tell her, you can’t be sure she knew. Women aren’t psychic.

    #725931 Reply
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    Eric

    wha-tevah

    #725933 Reply
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    LeslieJoan

    I have no idea why you believe that she fancied you, when she’s made herself nearly impossible to get together with one on one, and is constantly surrounded by a group of friends with preplanned activities. Perhaps you are telepathic, or perhaps she’s sending you messagea in Morse code through batting her limpid eyes at you. Or perhaps her idea of what a date is supposed to look like is completely different from your idea, and you two just plain are never going to hit it off and so you should just accept it and not waste your time anymore. Seems like she wants to add you to her posse and not to actually get to know you. If you don’t share a common vision of what you’re looking for, then it’s not going to happen.

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