Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Things that have changed since you were single/dating

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This topic contains 41 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by avatar dinoceros 1 week, 2 days ago.

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  • #686358 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    I think some women respond to those messages because they want to show the screenshots on their Instagram, or they feel like any attention is good, or they want to try to teach the guys a lesson/manners. If those guys never got any response to those dumb messages, they would stop doing it, but women perpetuate it by engaging.

    #686360 Reply
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    RedRoverRedRover

    Fyodor, I wonder if your first two points are more of a personality thing than a technology thing. Of course the technology enables it, but back when all we had were beepers there were still couples who were constantly in touch, you know? Personally even if I were still dating now I’d never bother with all that texting beforehand. Seems like a waste of time to me. Not to mention the “breadcrumbing” that someone brought up, which used to happen to me even in the early 2000s when I was online dating. I quickly learned that if the guy didn’t want to meet up, he was just stringing me along for attention. Forget that.

    As to the condomless sex, I wonder if it’s a generational thing based on the HIV epidemic. When Gen X was growing up, AIDS meant death, and it was everywhere. We had it hammered into us that if we didn’t use condoms we’d die a horrible death. Other STDs were rarely even mentioned, that I remember. It was all AIDS, all the time. Personally I’ve never even had a guy *try* to have unprotected sex with me, nor would I have agreed to it. When the Millenials were growing up, not only had the epidemic died down, but the treatment had come along so far that it was no longer an instant death sentence. I don’t think they have the fear of it the way we did.

    #686454 Reply
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    Ange

    Yeah I mean we had this ad come out when I was a little kid, it was all over the TV and I still remember it vividly. I think it did the trick! Plus, flying babies….

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJ9f378T49E

    It would be interesting to see what they came up with now for a shock ad.

    #686516 Reply
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    Fyodor

    ” When the Millenials were growing up, not only had the epidemic died down, but the treatment had come along so far that it was no longer an instant death sentence. I don’t think they have the fear of it the way we did.”

    Well, also, I think that there was a sense among the health establishment in the 80s and 90s that (A) because of homophobia people would not take AIDS seriously as a public health concern if it were seen as primarily a “gay” disease (there were press conferences where Reagan’s spokesperson would crack jokes about all the gay people dying of AIDS) and (B) a higher amount of uncertainty about the pathologies of AIDS and how it spread. The data about how it spread was much certain and the reporting on sexual behavior much less reliable.

    So the actual risk to straight non-IV drug users, particularly men, was greatly overstated. This had the benefit of getting men to be much more responsible about protection. Now as general awareness of these things have improved there isn’t the threat of AIDS (even as unwanted pregnancy, herpes, etc remain big risks) are there and some men (and women) who seek out sex without protection.

    (When I was single I was primarily terrified about getting someone pregnant)

    #687072 Reply
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    dmarie
    Member

    I’m a millennial and I don’t know (and hope!) that unprotected sex is that common. AIDS might be slightly less scary now but there are so many other things you can get and with such easy access to condoms there really is no excuse. I have one of those Amazon buttons for ours. I don’t even have to leave the house. lol I’m married but we were very fortunate and got pregnant very easily when we tried so I am on Mirena and we use condoms or some other 2nd form. I’m taking no chances here.

    Dating is so much more connected though now. I’ve been with my husband since I was 15 so I missed out on all the online stuff. Lots of my friends used it and I thought it was a great way of finding out dealbreakers and general interests before investing too much.

    #687075 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    I think that the news about HPV in recent years, stemming from discoveries about cancer risk and even just the existence of the vaccine, has maybe made folks think more about safe sex. It’s a different scale compared with the AIDS scare, but I think anytime an STD becomes a fixture in the news for a while, it sort of brings up the issue again.

    I think the fact that the really bad strains have no symptoms also helps push back against the whole “i have no symptoms, so I must be fine” thing too. There’s always going to be people who don’t listen or care, though.

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