Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

This Makes Me So Mad!

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This topic contains 53 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by avatar Kate 1 month ago.

Viewing 6 posts - 49 through 54 (of 54 total)
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  • #729348 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    @missdre Your office’s culture sounds pretty bad from this thread. :-/

    #729349 Reply
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    MissD
    Participant

    It’s definitely way better than the last hell hole I was in, but yeah I have not really been enjoying myself here lately. Which sucks, because I really love what I do, and I have some really great colleagues, but management is sucking the life out of me these days.

    Really hope I can be successful with my own solo project.

    #729350 Reply
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    MissD
    Participant

    And my two favourite colleagues both just quit, and the new account coordinator has been sent elsewhere on secondment. So, I’m going to be all alone til it’s my time to leave.

    #729351 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    @peggy – you have a different perspective and that’s ok – but I think some of us are saying we simply want to be treated like our male peers. MissDre’s example is infuriating because this guy would likely never walk up to a table of people and compliment a guy on his suits and ties as his defining contribution to the company. Sure, he may like the guy’s ties – but that’s not the value he brings to the company.

    Here’s perhaps a familiar example: Presenting ideas during meetings. If you talk to any woman in a business setting today, she will likely have had the following experience: She is in a meeting. She presents an idea. It is ignored. People talk over her. Within the same meeting, a man presents the same idea. It is accepted, identified as valuable and her contribution is overlooked.

    It would be easy to say that it’s the fault of the woman for not insisting that she submitted the idea first. Or the men for ignoring the woman. Or the man who somehow either ignored the idea or listened to it and presented it as his own.

    But that would ignore the countless studies done over the last 50 years that demonstrate this behavior starts in elementary school. Girls who speak out of turn are scolded, told to be quiet and to wait to be called on. Boys who speak out of turn are praised for their contribution, either knowing the answer or trying their best. I’m not going to find the links to the studies – it’s out there if you want to find it. So we’re teaching our children that girls should be submissive and follow a set of rules and boys should be aggressive and that most of their contributions are valuable.

    End result… same shit 20 + years later. So whereas the generation before me broke down barriers, they may have been happy just to be at the table. It’s changing – with most of the people I work with now -I rarely have this problem. But 15 years ago…. whoo boy it was frustrating.

    #729352 Reply
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    Kate

    Okay, that’s gross. Unfortunately a CEO at a small company really drives the culture, so it’s important to talk to as many people as you can when you’re interviewing and try to get a sense of it.

    That said, she probably should have spoken to the CEO after the first time or two that it happened. Like, you know, I wanted to let you know that it made me uncomfortable when you talked about how I dress in front of everyone at the holiday party. Comments about my physical appearance aren’t what I’m looking for at work, though I welcome feedback on how I’m doing on the job. I know you understand and didn’t mean to make me uncomfortable, but I wanted you to know how it made me feel to be called out on my appearance.

    It can be scary to have those kinds of conversations, but it tends to put a stop to it. After a senior guy called out other people for some of my accomplishments a couple times, years ago, I let him know. He was very apologetic, took me to lunch, gave me an Amazon card, and never did anything like that again. I never felt any repercussions from it. I think he genuinely did feel like an ass.

    #729353 Reply
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    Kate

    I’m drunk – in that anecdote above, obviously, just to clarify, it was men who were applauded for stuff I did.

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