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Trouble with my family and my boyfriend

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by avatar dinoceros 2 weeks, 1 day ago.

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  • #728311 Reply
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    lunarstatic
    Member

    I’m 23 still living at home with my mom, younger siblings, and my grandparents. I work and go to school other than that I just stay home, unless Im getting picked up by my boyfriend (we only get a chance to see each other 2 times a week), he’s 24 works full time. We’ve been together for well over a year now. Serious relationship. We’ve been knowing each other for almost 10 years. Lots of history.

    I’m a little bit of a homebody. Im happy with just being with my boyfriend at his house, chillin, being with him in general relaxing, cuddling, watching movies, etc. He’s 100% fine with whatever i wanna do. If there’s a day that I’m with him & i actually do wanna do something he’s okay with that. Just whatever makes me happy. My family (mostly my mom and grandma) seem to have a problem with him.. They just recently started bugging me again about why he doesn’t take me out to places, spend money on me, etc like, they get a bit pissed off. They also ask me why doesn’t he spend much time at our house.. My family is kinda strict, if he were to spend time at my house, we couldn’t go to my room even with the door open. We’d have to stay on the couch in the living room. I honestly don’t want to do that. There would be crying/screaming tantrums from my younger siblings, screaming from my mom trying to get them to behave, plus my house is 75% of the time a mess due to my siblings and my mom basically just leaves it there or tells me to clean up their mess.. i don’t want to deal with that when I’m with him. I’d hate that. That’s why I’d prefer to leave when he picks me up. My grandma and mom just talk a lot of bs about him, the car he drives, how he doesn’t seem to have much money. He pays bills, has to drive a somewhat long distance to work (gas) he handles his business, makes sure stuff he needs to pay gets taken care of. I really couldn’t care less if he can’t take me out all the time, or buy me stuff. It’s not about the material thing for me. I appreciate the times that he can though. And he knows that. Really just being with him makes me happy. He treats me really well, never yells at me, never calls me names, never puts his hands on me, he treats me with respect. Even with me telling my mom and grandma this and even more good stuff about him they still talk about him in a bad way. My mom and grandma can’t see that I guess and it makes me so mad to the point that I’m crying.. they don’t see how good he treats me.. I just don’t know what to do. I’m looking for advice. If you have any, please let me know, I’m at a loss. Thank you in advance❤️

    #728317 Reply
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    Heatherly
    Member

    Look, you’re happy in the relationship? He treats you well? So…thank them for their loving concern, say you won’t discuss it any longer and carry on with the relationship. And every time they start asking/talking about him from then on say something along the lines of: Hmmm….interesting… or its good that you care. So, how about…( subject change)” and do this every single time. Don’t be sarcastic/angry but matter of fact with them.You’re basically making it a boring/untouchable subject for them to talk about. If they continue despite the repeated subject change ( do it up to three times in a conversation) then you say something like “I’m not discussing this, so I’m going to my room/out/libary etc.” Then actually leave. They’ll get the message in the end.

    #728318 Reply
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    Heatherly
    Member

    And if you want to stop your family from interfering in your life, then once your education is finished then get a job and move out into a place with room mates.

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 1 day ago by avatar Heatherly.
    #728332 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    Make your goal to move out when you can. It sounds like you’re asking how to make your family feel differently. You can’t. Honestly, I think the main thing is learning to grow a thicker skin.

    Like Heatherly said, try to avoid getting into conversations about your boyfriend. All it does it create more situations for your family to bash him. Instead of trying to convince them to agree with you, don’t engage. If they start criticizing him, then change the subject or leave the room. Don’t start trying to list reasons they should like him.

    A big part of becoming an adult is learning that you don’t need other people’s approval.

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