Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Turns out im pregnant

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This topic contains 68 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by avatar SpaceySteph 3 weeks ago.

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  • #665287 Reply
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    Pink123
    Member

    Some of you will already know my story… my ex finished things about 6 weeks ago. Even tho we both still love one another he ended things due to arguments etc… he wanted to remain friends but i told him that would be to hard… anyway turns out im pregnant. I got in touch to tell him this and he hasnt acted well at all.. at first he was ok about it but when i said i wasnt sure what i will do he changed… he basically told me we wont be getting back together and he never wanted kids so i know where he stands… i never said anything about us getting back together but i was trying to be ab adult to discuss what we should do… he then blocked me and got his sister to txt me about it…. im not sure if i should have a termination or go ahead as its a very big decision… i just feel instead of him being supportive hes basically told me to get rid… he was saying how will you cope in a one bedroom flat with no money bringing a child into a broken home…. any advice here.

    #665305 Reply
    freckles
    freckles
    Participant

    Whether you keep your child is totally up to you. You’re right, it is a huge decision. So take some time to really think about it. If you keep the child, will you be able to provide for it? Food, clothing, housing? Who will watch it when you go to work? Or, if you can’t, are you ok with giving it up for adoption? If you decide to terminate, remember that that’s an ok choice too! You need to do what’s best for you.

    If you do decide to keep your child though, the father has legal obligations. Get a lawyer and make sure he pays child support.

    #665306 Reply
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    Pink123
    Member

    Ok thankyou… do you think he is being quite nasty about the situation

    [Kate] yes! And immature.

    • This reply was modified 4 weeks ago by avatar Kate.
    #665307 Reply
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    snoopy128

    I’m sorry you are going through this but, it really doesn’t matter if he’s being nasty about the situation or not. That is not the most important question here. He’s been clear- he won’t support you.

    You need to be taking a good hard look at your life right now and deciding if you are able to bring a child into it on your own. Can you emotionally support this child alone? Can you cover most of the things financially (I mean, there’s always child support, but even sometimes that’s not a guaranteed).

    #665308 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    He is definitely not handling this well. But unfortunately, there are a lot of people who do not react to this kind of news maturely and kindly. Aside from pursuing legal help if you keep the baby in order to get financial support, you can’t force someone to act better.

    Like freckles said, this is a decision you’ll have to make on your own by considering your resources, needs, and what you can provide for a child.

    #665310 Reply
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    Pink123
    Member

    Thanks everyone… yeah i need to think of myself and what im going to do… i know it doesnt matter how hes reacting but just stange as when we were together he would always say if i git preg he would support me. I know we are not together but i wonder if he wud have still reacted badly like this if it happened and we were together…. but yeah ive got a lot to think about.

    #665318 Reply
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    Pink123
    Member

    Thanks guys…. yes kate i thought so too… fair enough ive had my moments but im trying to be adult about this and all he does is block me and get his sister to txt and be the third wheel… or he will more or less tell me abortion is the best idea as he never wanted kids … which is fair enough but sometimes these things happen… i wonder if he would act the same if we were still together as he always claimed he would support me if an accident happened.

    #665323 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    It is absolutely irrelevant how he’d act if you were still together. He didn’t want to be with you anymore, and you getting pregnant wouldn’t have changed that, though it might have dragged out the misery.

    #665327 Reply
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    Pink123
    Member

    Yeah i understand that… why say he still loves me then… its because he doesnt want kids he told me that from day one…what makes u agree that hes being immature and nasty then?…

    #665328 Reply
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    Waverly
    Member

    To be honest, not that it matters, but yes. I think he would act the same way if you were together.

    He always said he would support you if it happened, but when it DOES happen, it goes from hypothetical to real.

    #665329 Reply
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    Waverly
    Member

    I guess I’m not sure why it’s so important for you to have people agree that he’s being immature and nasty.

    How does that change anything?

    I got pregnant without thinking things through. My daughter is the best decision I ever made but it is HARD and I am NOT A single mother.

    First, do you have healthcare for your prenatal care? Do you have a plan for your (assumingly) unpaid maternity leave (I had a voluntary short term disability policy that gave me 60% of my pay while I was out and we still had a hard time)

    Who will watch the baby when you go back to work? My daycare cost is more than my monthly mortgage. What about clothes, diapers, food, etc.

    I made my decision blind and it’s been so difficult.

    You need to be deciding if you can do this on your own, not trying to decide if he truly is being immature

    #665331 Reply
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    Pink123
    Member

    I agree your right… and i have a lot to think about… i guess maybd my best decision might be to not go ahead…. thanks for sharing your story. Its a lot and a big life choice…… guess im just asking if people think its immature or nasty of him as part of me still loves him and not over him. Guess if i can see that hes not being as nice as i thought it will help me move on

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