This topic contains 68 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by SpaceySteph 3 weeks ago.
- December 23, 2016 at 12:37 pm #665678
It doesn’t matter. You should not be responding to her. It’s insane that you are both over 30. It’s over, Pink. It’s over. He doesn’t want to be with you and he doesn’t want a baby with you.December 23, 2016 at 12:39 pm #665682
Do you really have to ask the question ? Hiding from you and not supporting you, are not enough to show you what he really feels ?December 23, 2016 at 12:42 pm #665683
Yeah i see your point but u cant just stop loving someone after 6 weeks of breaking up.December 23, 2016 at 12:56 pm #665687
I think you both feel some kind of love for each other, but it’s not a functional, mature adult kind of love that has all the necessary dimensions of chemistry and can sustain a functional relationship. There are many kinds of love.December 23, 2016 at 1:06 pm #665689
That makes sense kate… he maybe doesnt love me anymore and thats fine…. but the point i was making is that when we broke up he still claimed to love me . That was in chance to admit if he didnt as we arent together so hes nothing to lose and he still to this day claims he never stopped loving me its just the arguing so i agree there are different kinds of love . Ours just doesnt work . Im waiting on my book being delievered kate. Should be tonight.December 23, 2016 at 2:10 pm #665703
Good, that book explains a lot and most people find it really helpful after a breakup.December 23, 2016 at 2:56 pm #665711
Im already on page 50 cant put it down. . Ive read i can mend your broken heart before … i read that with my last serious relationship. I love these kind of books they do really help meDecember 28, 2016 at 12:34 pm #666337
Ultimately, it does not matter if he doesn’t want to be a father. His failure to wrap it up ensures he will be held responsible at least financially if you take him to court. Which you should do, if it means not being another drain on an already overloaded welfare system.
At any rate, you need to make the decision based on your own ability to raise and care for the baby. Do you have Healthcare insurance? A good job? What does daycare cost for you? When I lived in Charlotte, it was 250 per week; where I am now it is more like 150. Those are important things to know. Do you have family support? Are there people who can help? Support is critical. I had my first child similar to what you are looking at. I was 18, the father and I had split, and I was on my own. I couldn’t have done it without my family. They helped keep me going when I wanted to fall apart. I did not make the guy pay support and haven’t seen him in 15 years. I could afford to cut my losses. You may not be able to. I adore my oldest. But I can also tell you that if I had to make the same decision all over, it might be different, as it made life very hard.December 28, 2016 at 1:05 pm #666343
A lot of people are commenting about child support, and I do think if you decide to keep the pregnancy you should definitely pursue that but don’t count on it. The child support system is often broken. You may have a lengthy (and costly) court battle ahead to get the child support assigned and then enforcement is a whole other problem. It may be difficult to get him to pay, so you should not factor that too heavily in your decision of whether to keep it. You need to know if you can feed, clothe, and put a roof over this child’s head without relying on his money.
Also, I think it’s worth also factoring in having to go through pregnancy, childbirth, and infant care without a partner to help. What if you are put on extended bed rest and unable to work? Do you have savings to support yourself for an extended leave of absence from work? Do you have someone to bring you groceries and help you with household chores? Can you afford to hire someone to do those things for you if you don’t have family/friends who would help? Honestly, I can’t imagine going through my pregnancy without my husband to pick up the slack around the house. It’s a lot tougher than people talk about, and I’ve had a relatively easy, healthy pregnancy so far.
All of your replies are focused on whether or not he loves you, but that is SO SO beside the point. Imagine that he never speaks to you again, never meets his child, and moves to Mexico to avoid child support payments. If he does that, are you prepared to go through pregnancy, childbirth, and 18 years of child raising without him? If you can’t assuredly say yes to that, then you are not ready to go through with this pregnancy.