September 8, 2017 at 1:10 pm #716515
So I’m in my sophomore in high school, and I struggle with depression. I’m a great student and am involved in school, but lately my depression has really gotten in the way of that. It’s forced me to quit activities I used to love (including sports AND clubs) because I would just break down crying no matter what I was doing. My anxiety and depression has caused me to hate going to my more challenging honors classes because my self confidence is so low, and I just feel stupid. On top of that, the honors classes that I am in are not even in my best subjects (english and history), they’re in chemistry and math, which I don’t even enjoy. I am only taking them because I need some kinds of honors classes to prepare me for the aps I will take junior year, and the honors classes of subjects I was interested in this year were all full because my school is so huge. I have also lately not been showing my true self at school, I have, in the new school year, become really introverted due to how depressed I am. That is now the way I am seen by the people in my new classes this year, shy and not very interested in learning. That is not at all how I really am, it’s just that I’ve been so low and anxious I have to act like that just to get through the day. I’m not really super close to anyone at school, and so I don’t have many attachments to the school. I feel like I can push through this depression, but I have in, a sense sabotaged myself this school year by quitting so many things and not being motivated in my classes. I think that a fresh start would really help. My family has a house in a smaller town 2 hours away, and it’s where my dad grew up and it’s in the district of the high school he went to. It’s even walking distance. My parents bought that house because, me being the youngest child, they want to retire to that house once I graduate from school here, so we rent a small house in our current area. (the housing market here is insane so we can only afford a very small, a “shitty” for lack of better words, house.) The house here that we rent for some reason makes me REALLY irritable, and there is no where for me to focus. The house in the small town is so comforting, and when we spend weekends there I always feel so happy, and it’s perfectly move in ready. The high school there is very spirit oriented because it is a smaller town, and that makes me really happy because I currently live in silicon valley and there isn’t much of a spirit oriented or fun environment at my school. The town also has a lot of nature areas which I find really beautiful and relaxing and really help me calm down. The trees in the neighborhoods are so beautiful and the library is so close to our house. That is perfect because I LOVE to read, but the house we rent kind of gives me a headache and is not a great reading environment. As you’ve probably gathered already, I really want to move into that town and go to that school. My parents love the town too, my mom is always posting about it on facebook, and my dad loves it. My grandma also lives there and is in her 80s, and it would be nice to live so close to her. The problem is that, my parents both have steady office jobs here. While my dad is up for retirement now, my mom is not. Neither of my parents enjoy their jobs, its more of a stability concern. They could commute or get new jobs, but I want to know; Is it selfish of me to even consider bringing this up to my parents? If I do bring this up, I’m afraid that the answer is going to be a harsh no, or that they’ll tell me I am just running away from my problems. That would make me incredibly sad and hopeless. I really think this would be right for me, but I am so afraid of what my parents will think… HELP!!!September 8, 2017 at 1:27 pm #716518
What are you, 15? It is probably not legal for you to live alone at your age. YOu should look up the laws on minors living alone in your state. Even if not technically illegal, it would be considered neglect and probably would not fly with the school system. No way are your parents going to go for that.
But, you should talk to them about what’s going on with you. Are you diagnosed with and being treated for depression?September 8, 2017 at 1:36 pm #716522
I didn’t mean living alone, I meant with parents, sorry if it came off in the wrong way! And yes, I am diagnosed with depression and GAD. I am not medicated or anything because my parents are wary because my sister got a bad diagnosis of a mental illness when she was around my age and the meds completely changed her.September 8, 2017 at 2:02 pm #716530
As a side note to your question: Are you having weekly therapy as by the sounds of it you really need it. I mean as a way to private coping /emotional outlet and to learn coping strategies?
Also I know you’ve given up sport at school, but regular exercise ( in whatever form you enjoy, be it yoga, running, swimming, trampolining or going gym etc) and good nutrition help balance your emotions. So especially, if you’re not medicating then you need the endorphins that exercise gives. I’m not claiming good nutrition & exercise will cure all, but you need them to create more balance. And if you don’t wish to do them in school, then do it in your own time.September 8, 2017 at 2:39 pm #716543
Definitely talk to your parents about seeing a therapist, if you aren’t already, and talk to your therapist about (a) medication – have your parents hear about it, too – and (b) why you want to move. Is it because it really would make a difference or is it just because you want to believe that it would make a difference? And, also, I don’t think it’s selfish to talk to your parents about how you feel, but I’m concerned that you’re putting all your eggs into the “Move” basket and not enough into the “Treatment” one as a way to cope with what sounds like serious depression and anxiety. A know it feels overwhelming right now, but there are things that you can do to make yourself feel better short of moving if that turns out to not be a viable option at this point.September 8, 2017 at 5:20 pm #716553
Could you live with your grandma?September 8, 2017 at 5:32 pm #716554
I’d say to talk with your parents further about what is going on. I’m not sure how much they know about your life right now, but it’s not enough for them to know your diagnosis. They need to understand how you have changed and what you’re going through. I suspect they will rethink their stance on treating this once they realize what’s going on. I’m not sure that you can single-handedly convince them to move, and despite all the good things, moving doesn’t usually make depression go away. You’re going to need to find ways to manage this with or without moving.September 8, 2017 at 8:00 pm #716571
Your parents aren’t going to move because you want to go to a different school. At your age I get that you do not understand what one person getting a new job in a different city means, let alone two, plus even just relocating, which costs tens of thousands. I am not saying they wouldn’t want to for you, I just am saying that you just don’t understand what it involves. Best case, if they said yes, assume that will be over a entire school year away. So then you’d be a senior. Not saying to dash your hopes, just explaining reality. So unless living with a family member is an option I would rule that out.
You don’t seem to know yet exactly how your parents would react to what you may need. Just because you believe, based on your siblings supposed incorrect diagnosis that they would not be supportive doesn’t mean that is the case. Also, you don’t know that you need medication or not. Being unmotivated and feeling down are in fact signs of actual diagnosed depression but you don’t that you are truly depressed to the point of needing meds. The medications for depression can have some very intense and long term side affects and are not a band aid nor will they solve any problems. You just know you need some help. If your current therapist isn’t helping (and that person only can if you tell that person what is going on with you) then you should discuss with your parents changing therapists.
If I botched something in that response it is because I couldn’t read all that. Paragraphs help.September 8, 2017 at 10:29 pm #716576
There’s nothing wrong with asking your parents if they’ve considered not waiting till retirement to move to the other house. I suspect the answer will be that they have thought about it and feel it’s more important to stay at their current jobs. It’s possible they’re open to moving and thought they were letting you finish school with your friends, but even if that were the case, it’s not like they can just pick and move right away.
Besides their jobs, they will have signed a lease for the place where you currently live. Leases are usually in effect for a year at a time. Breaking that contract (leaving before the year is up) will subject them to steep financial penalties.
Others have also mentioned that it’s not so easy to up and change jobs, especially with your parents being so close to retirement age. Age discrimination is illegal, but it’s also difficult to prove. A lot of companies won’t hire people that old. There being 2 people job hunting makes it even more challenging. Don’t assume that just because your dad is old enough to retire that he’s not planning to keep working until your mom also retires. Many people keep working because they still need the money, or simply want to keep active.
Now, onto the idea that you’re afraid your parents would say you are running away from your problems, I don’t think they’d be entirely wrong. Some part of you must think so too or you wouldn’t have considered it as an argument. You are idealizing this other school, house, and town. Of course everything seems more peaceful and relaxed there, you’ve only been there on “vacation.” It’s a place free from the homework and chores and everyday life pressures you have at home.
If you live there full-time, all that stuff will be part of your life there as well. You’re also not even considering how difficult it can be to fit in at a new school or how your classes will transfer. If it’s a smaller school, do they even offer all the classes and extra curriculars you’re interested in?
Keep in mind that you’ll be bringing your depression and anxiety with you as well. You don’t become a different person just because you’re in a different place. If you don’t want to participate in the things you enjoy now, you’re not likely to suddenly be all ‘rah-rah school spirit’ in a new place where you don’t know anyone. Maybe for a little while the change of pace will inspire you to try new things and get involved, but the novelty will wear off and you’ll find yourself withdrawing again unless you get your illness under control. You need to be getting treatment – therapy and possibly meds. Your parents may be hesitant about medication, but don’t just assume they’re unwilling to even consider it. You are not your sister.
That being said, your surroundings absolutely can affect your mood. What can you do to create a space in your room or elsewhere in the home where you can be more relaxed and focus? There are tons of articles online about how to create relaxing rooms and decorating on a budget. It may not feel like you have control over much of anything in your life right now, but you have more power than you may think. Take charge of making the absolute best of your situation! Start with opening up to your mom and dad about how you’re feeling.