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Dear Wendy

What are you willing to struggle for?

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This topic contains 14 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by Cleopatra_30 Cleopatra_30 2 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #667107 Reply
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    snoopy128
    Participant

    Entertain me! I’m home sick and read an article about asking yourself what pain you want to endure or what sorts of things are you willing to struggle for in order to achieve your goals.As the article says: “Positive experience is easy to handle. It’s negative experience that we all, by definition, struggle with. Therefore, what we get out of life is not determined by the good feelings we desire but by what bad feelings we’re willing and able to sustain to get us to those good feelings.”

    (article: http://qz.com/584874/you-probably-know-to-ask-yourself-what-do-i-want-heres-a-way-better-question/)

    Since you such a thoughtful group…what pain do you endure, what sacrifices do you make, what struggles do you endure in order to live the life you want?

    #667108 Reply
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    snoopy128
    Participant

    bump

    #667111 Reply
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    RedRoverRedRover

    For me it’s two big things – my job and my kids. My job is hard, there’s no two ways about it. It’s exhausting and frustrating. But it’s also really interesting and exciting, and it doesn’t hurt that it pays well. Plus it’s with a product that I’ve been with since the beginning, almost 20 years ago. I “grew up” with the product and with the team. I don’t even know how I’d leave and go to something completely different, because I’m really passionate about it, you know? So, I stick around.

    My kids, oh man, it’s tough. I’ve mentioned (probably ad nauseum) that I’m an introvert. And part of being an introvert is needing a lot of time alone to recharge. You know what you never get when you have kids? Yeah. No time alone. It’s brutal. I feel wiped out pretty much all the time just from that. And then add on top of it all the extra work, plus all the extra non-work like playing with them, which is fun but takes energy I don’t have. But I wanted kids, and I love having them. It’s just a real struggle for me. And it doesn’t help that my husband is maybe even more of an introvert than I am, so we’re both always trying to maximize our time alone. We each need like 3-4 hours a day, which we never get. It’s really really tough. It’s an additional struggle that I don’t think extroverts have, since they get energy from being with people (correct me if I’m wrong).

    #667114 Reply
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    Kate

    Hmm, I guess in the past few years I’ve been willing to put up with a lot of bullshit at work to get the title and pay I wanted. Went through a very painful acquisition, stuck around, played games, volunteered to do two jobs at once during a maternity leave, and finally got the job I wanted.

    And now I deal with a lot of beaurocratic crap that comes with a huge company, which is annoying. But I decided I’m not going to bother with this shit commute to get to a depressing office that includes no one I really work with anymore. I go once in a while to say hi or do an expense report, and I miss the human interaction, but I can’t do it.

    I am willing to travel to NJ regularly though, because I have to. It kind of sucks but it could be worse.

    I want to look amazing but I’m not willing to spend hours working out, so I’m ok with looking *good.* A size 2 but not an Instagram fitness model. If my clothes start getting tight, I get serious about counting calories and I work out more.

    I am willing to have some difficult conversations to keep my relationship healthy, but I’m not putting up with a whole lot of crap to avoid being alone, like I used to.

    #667125 Reply
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    Kate

    I’m also not willing to work conventional 60-hour weeks. That’s why I gave up the commute and (often) getting fully dressed. That way I can be connected for 12 hours a day but not necessarily working for all of those 12 hours. I’m seeing my husband throughout the day because we both work from home, and I can get tasks done. And I’m not checking email late at night or sacrifing sleep (I will never do that).

    When I travel, I mostly do it *during* business hours so I’m not giving up my personal time for uncomfortable plane travel.

    #667141 Reply
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    RedRoverRedRover

    Wait, since when is a 60-hour week “conventional”??? I tend to work more than 40 hours, but I try to pull it down to 40 as much as I can. I don’t want that to be my “normal” because then that’s what people start expecting from you.

    #667144 Reply
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    Kate

    What I mean is, I’m not going to work 60 conventional hours in an office with a commute. I may be connected for 60 hours but I won’t be out of the house working 12 solid hours.

    And sadly, it is pretty conventional in the US 🙁

    #667145 Reply
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    Kate

    Like, I think of this woman who supports me in a specialty role. She’s maybe early 30s, has a new baby, and she’s in the office from 8:30-5, she has a commute, and she logs on later. I wish that weren’t normal, but it kind of is. And if your job involves travel, and you’re flying at night or early mornings, that counts too.

    #667149 Reply
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    RedRoverRedRover

    Ah, I see what you’re saying. Yeah, that’s the main reason I work from home too. They’re trying to get me back into the office, but first of all, I barely work with anyone there, so what’s the point? And second of all, I don’t have an extra 2 hours in my day to spend on a commute. That would eat up the entirety of my “me-time” during the week, and cut into time spent on chores as well. Not to mention daycare runs would be a nightmare.

    #667150 Reply
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    Kate

    My job, as it’s set up, makes no sense. If I actually did everything they want, and did it well, I’d be working 20-hour days, or who even knows what. So I just have to decide to care about and focus on where the revenue is, and drop or half-ass a lot of other stuff. And then I have to let go of feeling bad about that. But I’m not going to struggle to try to do it all.

    #667152 Reply
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    AlwaysALurker

    You should weigh in Snoopy! I agree with Kate and Red in that I won’t endure a long commute. Time is precious and a commute takes a lot out of your time with family, friends, interests and mostly adds nothing in return. I understand that some people really do have to endure it but I’ve seen many friends choose a much longer commute for a bigger house which has caused them a lot of pain and regret.

    As for what I would endure, I can work long hours and travel. But I would not endure working in a job that is not flexible. I need the trade off to be that I get time off and work from home when I need it (reasonably of course).

    I am also willing to put in the hard work to build my relationships because none of mine have come easily (family, friendships, partnerships, etc.).

    #667153 Reply
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    RedRoverRedRover

    I hear ya. My team used to be 5 people, and we had one product. Now we have a second product plus a cloud implementation of our first product, and the team is down to only 3 people. On top of that, last year they restructured the role and expanded our area of influence/responsibility, giving us more work, but no extra people. And of course salaries have remained largely stagnant compared to what they used to be, so I’m effectively making less than I used to, even though my scope of work is huge.

    This is the reason there are no jobs for Millenials. Gen X is having the blood squeezed from them, doing the jobs of 2 or more people. My husband’s in the same boat, and so are many of my friends. It’s just more, more, more responsibilities, but no extra funding. And when people quit, they don’t get back-filled. But my company’s shares are doing great and they have billions and billions of dollars socked away, so that’s all that matters, I guess.

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