This topic contains 25 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by ele4phant 6 days, 11 hours ago.
- October 12, 2017 at 3:10 pm #723193
I am 26 and my boss is 41. I always catch my boss lurking at me on the corner of his eye. He then told me to “swing by” whatever that meant. He always asks me personal questions and wants to know everything about my family. After this, I tell him I’ve been applying to better jobs and he says “you don’t have to, don’t do that, you have this job, stay here” you is very assertive and makes all the decisions for me. Why is he acting like that?October 12, 2017 at 3:16 pm #723194
That doesn’t sound all that weird, tbh. I have two new team members who report to me and sit near me, and I watch them to see what they’re doing. I also ask them questions about themselves. I’m 42 and they’re both in their 20s. If I sat somewhere else, I’d ask them via Skype to swing by (my boss does that).
Why on earth would you tell your boss you’re applying for other jobs?? If his questions about your family make you uncomfortable, change the subject and see if he takes the hint.October 12, 2017 at 3:22 pm #723195
Or just say, “you know, ugh, my family, I don’t even like to talk about them.”
Look for another job under the radar, but making empty threats like that before you have one is never a good move.October 12, 2017 at 3:40 pm #723197
“Why on earth would you tell your boss you’re applying for other jobs??”
I was thinking the same thing. Don’t ever tell anybody at work that. And like Kate, I don’t really understand what you think is weird about this.October 12, 2017 at 3:46 pm #723198
Are you implying that he’s romantically interested in you? I’m not sure if he’s doesn’t anything to indicate that, based on the vague description you gave. If you don’t want to talk to him further, then don’t give him details about your life. The more details you give, the more the other person thinks it’s OK to ask more questions.October 12, 2017 at 4:20 pm #723202
I, too, get the impression that you’re asking if he’s romantically interested in you or otherwise being inappropriate. Based on what you’ve wrote, everything he’s saying is within the realm of normal. Are his questions invasive or overly personal somehow? Every boss I’ve had has asked me non-intrusive questions about my personal life and scheduled check-ins.
And yes, it’s weird that you’d tell your boss you’re looking for something new. (And no, asking you to stay does not necessarily imply romantic interest in you.)October 12, 2017 at 6:24 pm #723211
“you is very assertive and makes all the decisions for me. Why is he acting like that?”
Because he’s your boss and it’s literally his job?October 13, 2017 at 6:46 am #723249
Not sure where you’re from but as someone roughly your boss’ age – “Swing by” is a phrase I would use to anyone. What you’ve described sounds perfectly reasonable. Bosses need to boss / manage. That means knowing where their team members are, knowing what those team members are doing, and directing them to do stuff or reprioritizing that stuff and directing them to do other stuff.
This guy is not your friend. He’s your boss – why would you tell him you’re looking for other work? A lot of bosses would simply find your replacement and fire you (or just fire you).October 13, 2017 at 9:52 am #723265
Did he ask you to ‘swing by’ his office? Cus that’s a pretty normal thing to ask an employee to do.
He may just be trying to get to know you better by asking questions. If you don’t want to talk about your family, just brush it off like Kate suggested. And try to make friends (or at least work friends) with the people who sit around you so you can incorporate them into casual conversations so it’s not just you and your boss.
If you’re really getting a predatory vibe, then keep track of any ‘over the line’ behaviour (nothing you’ve mentioned seems overtly over the line, hence the above responses) and keep looking for a new job. Although that’s something you should never tell your boss you’re doing. Any boss is going to try to retain their employees (that’s part of his job).October 13, 2017 at 10:29 am #723278
This all sounds like pretty standard manager behavior to me. He’s supervising. Possibly because you’re young, and maybe new to the job(?), he’s watching more closely than usual to make sure you’ve got a handle on things.
As for the personal questions, answer what you feel comfortable answering, and change the subject if you don’t want to answer.October 13, 2017 at 10:57 am #723280
Look, I don’t want to say nothing untoward is going on. Sometimes there are things you can sense in person that just can’t be described. I think every woman on the thread has experienced creepy behavior, like a guy leering at you, standing to close, ect, that when you describe someone else it sounds fine and normal. But there’s *something* there in their behavior that makes you supremely uncomfortable.
But, based on your written descriptions, it is hard to tell that anything inappropriate going on. All of the things you mention, on there face, are normal things a boss should do. Monitoring you while you work. Normal. Asking for updates (swing by), normal. Having an interest in you personally, normal.
Is there anything else you can pinpoint in his behavior that is NOT normal or that makes you uncomfortable? Can you articulate that to us?October 13, 2017 at 12:08 pm #723288
Just the fact that when I told him I’d look for a new job, he said “why bother you won’t succeed, you’d better be staying here”