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Will he contact the woman he cheated on me with?

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This topic contains 15 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by FireStar Firestar 1 week, 4 days ago.

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  • #726036 Reply
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    Kelly

    My boyfriend and I split for about a month and eventually got back together. I was recently at his home and his phone goes off and it’s an unsaved number texting him and he sees me watching and then asks them who they are. The girl then says that he should stop joking because he was just at her house a few days ago. She then sends evidence that he seen her just a few days ago. He says they didn’t have sex and that they just talked. We were back together at that point and he didn’t inform me of this. I’m not understanding why he was with her so late. He arrived at 10 and didn’t leave until 1. I snatch his phone out of anger and tell her to go away and block her number. She messages from another app and I go off on her and tell her to leave him alone. Again, I block her. I ask him what was up with that? We hadn’t even been together for a month and he was already cheating. He says he tried to ignore her but she wouldn’t leave him alone. I find that hard to believe because why wouldn’t he just block her or let her know we are back together? I demand to keep his phone and he obliges. 4 days later I’m back at his home and I get a notification from a dating app from some woman. I tell her to leave him alone and he is in a relationship. She asks me why is he on a dating site then. I scroll and see he responded to her messaging him the day after the first woman texted him. I apologize to her for the inconvenience. He has not deleted the profile yet. The first woman is still blocked as far as I know. His login date on the dating website is the day that the I opened the app and responded to the second woman. I am really afraid that if I let him out of my sight that he will cheat on me. I have been at his house everyday since these incidents and he says he’s sorry but I just don’t trust him. I don’t want to be stressed about this situation but I also don’t want him to go back to these women. What should I do? It hasn’t even been a month.

    #726037 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    Why do you want to be with a guy that you have to basically keep under house arrest to have him be faithful to you?

    Does it really matter if he’s faithful, if he’s only doing so because you’re monitoring his phone and blocking each of his fuck-buddies as they contact him?

    “I am really afraid that if I let him out of my sight that he will cheat on me.”

    Read that quote again. And again. Is this really what you want?

    #726038 Reply
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    Trixy minx

    Yes.

    #726040 Reply
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    carolann
    Member

    Why are women so desperate? Why are YOU so desperate? All the signs are there…MOA. There are plenty of men out there. I assume you are young. Find one that you don’t have to watch over all the time. That sounds so tiring. Have some self respect. Don’t put up with this another day.

    #726044 Reply
    juliecatharine
    Juliecatharine

    What Carolann said X 1000. Have some respect for yourself and walk away. If you can’t see that you deserve better than this bullshit “relationship” you should seek therapy to work on your self worth because this…this is honestly pretty sad and desperate.

    #726045 Reply
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    Heatherly
    Member

    This man will cheat. He’s a CPOS( stolen from Dan Savage & Urban Dictonary, but apt). This won’t change & frankly be glad he isn’t actually able or trying to hide it, so you can leave him for good as the evidence is in your face.

    Block all contact in all possible ways. ( No, not to women he has sex with, but you to him). Go cold turkey & start learning what a good relationship is like. Be it by reading up on Red & Green flags in relationships and/or counseling, but this amount of agro isn’t worth the effort.

    #726051 Reply
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    LeslieJoan

    Oh, you don’t need to be afraid that he’ll be with some other woman when he’s out of your sight. You can be SURE of it. It’s a flat out guarantee. For crying out loud, he’s made it clear as day. And he’s not sorry, because he’s still on dating sites. What more do you need to get the message? I don’t know why you broke up before, but you should break up again, and this time, make it permanent. You can’t fence him off, and you can’t and shouldn’t trust him.

    #726052 Reply
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    KatieG

    Being with someone you have to constantly monitor is not having a boyfriend, it’s having a kid.

    “I don’t want him to go back to these women”
    IMO it sounds like you only want him because you don’t want anyone else to have him. I get it, but have you considered that this is his game? He likes being “wanted” by so many people? It’s an ego boost.

    I don’t know how long you have been together, but if he was really committed, he wouldn’t be on a dating site, talking with multiple others, and you would not be writing for advice.

    Find someone that won’t cheat on you, or start saving up for PI to start following him, doesn’t look like he wants to change.

    #726059 Reply
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    Ron

    The best thing that could happen to you would be for this guy to run off with the other woman; then he would be her problem and you could move on to better. Why are you so attached to this guy? He’ll cause you nothing but pain. Is it because you have to win? Believe me, getting full hold of him and prying this other woman away getting him to cancel his profile will be an extremely temporary win, and it will cost you dearly in the future.

    #726062 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    Ron is right, and I’d go further and say that even if you temporarily prevent him from cheating, it’s not a win at all.

    My boyfriend and I are faithful to each other because we want to be. Not because we monitor each other’s phones or social media or never leave each other alone. We don’t do any of that. Because faithfulness is meaningless if it’s not voluntary. If he wanted to date other women, or I wanted to take up with another man, we’d break up.

    OK, let’s say you stop him from cheating because you have his phone. Does that really mean anything, if you know he’d be in another woman’s bed if you gave him his phone back?

    And can you stop him from cheating? Doesn’t matter that you took his phone. I bet he’s already got another one that you don’t know about. Are you monitoring his e-mail? It takes three minutes to sign up for an e-mail account. He’s way ahead of you. Your monitoring will just make him better at hiding the other women from you.

    If you want a monogamous relationship, find a guy that wants one, too.

    #726067 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    What you want him to be and who he is are two different things. Dump him because who he is isn’t who you want.

    You will find that trust is an essential foundation for any relationship. You don’t have trust so you have nothing to support a healthy relationship and that’s why you are forced to steal his phone. Think about it. You are stealing his phone. Is this the person you want to be? He probably already has another one that is disposable. He is a loser so dump him.

    #726113 Reply
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    Autumnrose
    Member

    @kelly years ago I made the mistake of not listening to an ex’s girlfriend when she called me. if I had done that I could have ended that relationship so quick and would have so much less regret in staying with him as long as I had done. The most beautiful relationship you will ever have is one where you do not ever feel like going through your significant others phone bc of trust regardless of past relationships you had been in. Break up with this guy, go out with your friends, take a trip, cry and eat ice cream, whatever it takes but don’t call him or text him. Just be done. You will thank yourself down the road. I promise. Also, for future advise, don’t snap at the “other” women bc they might be just as clueless as you and could help you at the end of the day.

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