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Dear Wendy

Worst case of ghosting (read through followup question)

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This topic contains 17 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by juliecatharine Juliecatharine 3 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #697943 Reply
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    Fyodor
    #697946 Reply
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    Janelle

    Oh I read the this earlier. I feel Alison’s advice was the best you can get. I mean. What else is there. What he did was a huge devastation to her. You can grow and move on but him showing up at work your first day. Wow. I wouldn’t even know how to cope with that.

    #697952 Reply
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    RedRoverRedRover

    The fact that he considers it “ghosting” is all kinds of fucked up. Dude, you walked out on her. Without warning or even leaving a note or anything. You abandoned her. That’s not ghosting.

    #697962 Reply
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    Fyodor

    What gets me about the LW is it’s almost vaguely sociopathic how he doesn’t understand how/why she got so upset. Like he feels almost aggrieved that she made such a fuss.

    #697965 Reply
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    RedRoverRedRover

    Definitely sociopathic. Or maybe he’s just trying to downplay it in his mind and put the crazy on her, so he doesn’t have to feel like such a horrible person?

    #697970 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    Oof. Yes. This is abandonment, not “ghosting.” And yes, the way he talks about what happened is odd — “Sylvia was rather emotional.” Huh!? Yeah, no shit she was emotional! — like, he doesn’t even realize that what he did was BAD. I hope we eventually get an update on this one. Though I will say, I do think Sylvia dodged a bullet.

    This happened to a friend of mine. She and her on/off boyfriend of several years moved in together and were going through a rough patch. She’s a consultant and travels a lot. She came home from a work trip and he was gone. They had zero contact for six months until she caved, e-mailed him, and they got back together. (They’re still on/off, of course.)

    #697972 Reply
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    Fyodor

    I had an ex-girlfriend who had a boyfriend* who kind up upped and fled the area without warning but it sounds like he had some kind of vaguely psychotic episode. This guy sounds like he just made the decision calmly.

    *No, it was not me. I know how you people think.

    #697973 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    Yeah. What also somewhat stuns me is that applying for, interviewing for, and getting/accepting a new job takes time. It sounds like he didn’t tell her about any of it, and makes me think he was planning his exit for awhile before he did it. Which means he had PLENTY of time to think it through… yet still thought that NO conversation would have a better outcome than an awkward or poorly executed one. And if the thought that something like this would be devastating to his live-in partner of years(!) crossed his mind, he didn’t even care.

    #697974 Reply
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    Bittergaymark

    This whole thing sounds MADE up to me. For one, it’s one huge coincidence…. Huge.

    #698026 Reply
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    Ale
    Member

    Yeah, not ghosting. After three years and living together it isn’t. Dude better start looking for a new job. If she was me, I’d take him down in all glory. But professionally though.

    #698056 Reply
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    TheHizzy

    Is this letter for real?

    #698057 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Probably. Wendy and I have ways of figuring out if people are real or not. Allison does too. For example, she may look the person up on LinkedIn by their name and/or email. I could see someone being as much of an ass as this guy and not wanting to come out and say in his original letter that it was a 3-year relationship.

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