He also seems to be controlling and jealous. He does have some good qualities, like he wants to one day coach his son’s baseball team and he can be sweet and gentlemanly (opening doors, playing soft music, lighting candles, etc).
I’m so lost. I don’t have any children yet and part of me wonders if this is my only chance at 31 years old. But I do know I want to parent right. I don’t want to be miserable and I certainly don’t want my children to be miserable.
Oh, and he also would get angry if I didn’t want to have sex with him. He later told me, when we broke up, that he always wanted to have sex with me because “he wanted me to get pregnant.”
I just bought a house with my sister. My ex lives about an hour drive away and I have no doubt he would try to make me move in with him and marry.
Thank you so much for any advice. — Pregnant By Ex at 31
Run as fast as you can from this misogynist and don’t ever, ever give him any reason to be part of your life. I mean, do what you want in terms of your pregnancy, but know this: at 31, you still have time to have a baby (on average, a woman’s fertility gradually drops through her 30s but doesn’t drop significantly until after 40, according to recent studies). Having a baby on your own is fucking HARD (it’s hard even with a loving partner). A baby does not make a horrible, awful relationship magically better. If anything, it makes it worse. There would be no “happily ever after” with a man you fought with nonstop for the three short months you were together and who threatened to “beat your ass.” I don’t care how many fucking candles he lit or soft music he played or doors he opened, the guys is a major, major fuckhead. Please, please do not have a baby simply because you think this is your only chance when you still have years of fertility ahead of you. And please don’t mistake a baby for a band-aid on a relationship whose wounds are beyond healing.
I have always known that my boyfriend and his mother are very close, but this is now becoming a problem as we both work weekdays and I feel we have very little quality time together. I have talked to him about this and asked him to start making bi-weekly trips rather than every week, but he tells me I’m being ridiculous and that he misses his mom. Even if I ask him to only go for one night instead of the whole weekend, he has an issue with that. I tell him that we need time together too because I miss him, and he insists that the time we spend together after work — when he’s not playing sports or I’m not working late — should be enough. I have asked him if he wants to end our relationship, and he says that’s not it. I really don’t know what to do. Am I being ridiculous for wanting to spend weekends together? — Monday to Thursday Girlfriend
No, but you’re ridiculous for staying with a boyfriend who clearly doesn’t.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.