It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Feeling Antsy” who was frustrated that the guy she’d been dating for several months was unwilling to commit to her. She wondered if she should keep waiting it out since she liked him so much or just MOA. Keep reading to see what she decided to do.
A few weeks after I wrote into you, S brought up the topic of our relationship and sort of reiterated that he just couldn’t provide what he’d need to in a relationship but also admitted that he was scared. He saw a future with me that he’d never felt with any other girl, but he wasn’t ready for it. He still wanted his freedom and time to work through it and asked for a “pause.” Initially, I said no and that he needed to decide what he wanted. But the next day, I told him that, after some thought, I agreed maybe taking a break was best after all.
My thoughts were:
1. I don’t want him agreeing to a relationship, if he really isn’t ready, just because he feels pressured.
2. I don’t want him to end it completely either just because he feels pressured.
The purpose of the break was to give him clarity, and I truly believed it was best for us in the long run.
Wellllll, we all know how well taking breaks usually goes for relationships. I saw that he was frequently hanging out with two specific girls and my jealousy/anxiety got to me. We were still talking every couple days, and after a month of the break I expressed multiple times that I wanted to meet up and see where things were but he kept making excuses. I got to my breaking point and said that we needed to pull the plug altogether. I told him the purpose of the break was to help us, not to “ride the randomness train” (his description of what he’d been doing during that time). I think he really just wanted to go out and have his fun and come back to me when he was ready to settle down. But I couldn’t handle limboland anymore. We ran into each other once a few weeks later and even ended up grabbing a drink, but it remained friendly. We’ve exchanged messages here and there, but it’s all very surface level.
As for grocery store guy, I did try texting him (twice) but he never responded. 🙁 That’s one I’ll probably always kick myself for, for not giving it a shot. Just kind of stinks that it went from two potential dudes back to single again! Ah well, you live, you learn, right?
Thanks for all of your thoughts!
Timing, as they say, is everything. Hang in there.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at email@example.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.