Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Updates: “A Little Leery” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “A Little Leery,” who’d been communicating with a guy long distance over the internet, Skype, and phone. She met him through her ex when they were both in relationships, and when they both became single, they began discussing the possibility of starting a relationship when he moved back to the states. “The only thing is,” she wrote, “he admitted to me that he used to be a cheater. He told me he has cheated on girlfriends in the past, including his most recent ex, whom he was in a long-term relationship with.” The LW wondered if she should give the guy a chance or believe that “once a cheater, always a cheater.” After the jump, find out what she decided and how things have turned out.

I wasn’t sure when to write back because, as much as I hate to admit it, I wasn’t quite sure when I felt the situation had come to a definitive conclusion. I figured I would know when to write to you for an update, and now I’m ready. As ashamed as I am to say it, I continued to talk to him up until a few weeks ago (making it about 9 months total that we were talking.) We never got together in-person though — it was only over the phone, IMs, Skype, etc. He moved back to the U.S. in July, and to my surprise, I found out that he was once again dating an on again/off again girlfriend (whom he had cheated on repeatedly in the past, and whom he swore he had no interest whatsoever in getting back together with). His excuse was that he felt obligated to work things out with her because of the amount of time they’d been together (despite the fact that he was continually bad-mouthing her, talking about what a horrible person she was and how none of his friends liked her, telling me how much he disliked her family, making fun of her, saying she was unattractive, how he wasn’t in love with her, etc.)

I was absolutely shocked. We had discussed being in a relationship once he got back to the states. He had asked me to visit him to “introduce me to his family and friends, because they would love me” (which I never did, thank god), and he even told me that he was in love with me. After finding out he was back together with his ex, especially after all of the things he’d said about her and (promised to me), I realized I simply couldn’t take being strung along anymore, and that he really hadn’t changed – he’s still a liar, and he’s still full of crap. I’ve stopped talking to him for good, and I’m focusing on myself for a while. I know I didn’t take your advice (or the readers’ advice) when I should have (and deep down, I knew at the time I should have), but I think I needed to learn this lesson the hard way. It’s one mistake I won’t make again.

Thank you again for your thoughtful response and for your readers’ thoughtful responses as well. I truly appreciated all of your input. — No Longer Leery 🙂

 
Live and learn, live and learn. At least you didn’t invest any in-person time in this d-bag! Thanks for the update, and best of luck to you in the future!

If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at wendy@dearwendy.com with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

4 comments… add one
  • avatar

    convexed September 2, 2011, 12:07 pm

    She’s so right. Even the best advice often doesn’t take until you’ve had some experience with the situation and its possible outcomes yourself. But the best way to learn is by living, even if its not the easiest or least painful.

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    Starfish13 September 2, 2011, 12:48 pm

    I really like this update – so honest. And not defensive! The LW sounds really self aware.

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    honeybeenicki September 2, 2011, 3:19 pm

    I’m happy the LW was able to learn this lesson before investing too much. Sometimes people become blinded by love/lust and refuse to see someone for who they are (even if they tell you straight out). Keep focusing on yourself LW!

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    Anna September 2, 2011, 4:29 pm

    LW, you are lucky that you never met this man in person! It would have been much harder to walk away if you had. You definitely made the right move. Good luck in your dating future!

    Reply Link

Leave a Comment